Any helpful stories?

Hi everyone! I’m currently in a space of constantly worrying about dying- specifically in my sleep. If I don’t do everything in my routine during the day (and to a point where it feels perfect), I’m worried that I’m not going to wake up the next day. I’ve tried comforting myself by reminding myself of times I didn’t do compulsions and the thing I was trying to avoid at the time didn’t come true but my brain can only remember things that eventually came true, even if it was for a totally unrelated reason than not doing compulsions (ex: at one point I was so scared and so obsessed with being fired, I constantly did compulsions to “not get fired”. I eventually did get fired but because the company implemented a rule that anyone who missed sales goals for two months straight would be fired. I was so caught up in my OCD and anxious all the time that I couldn’t focus, even had to take medical leave to “chill out” and then didn’t make my goal and was fired) In that scenario, I know the logical reason I got fired wasn’t because I didn’t do compulsions but all my brain can think is “see, you were so worried about it, you stopped doing the compulsions, and look, it happened” So now I’m terrified. I was wondering if any of you could maybe share any stories or experiences? Have you ever had the fear of getting really sick, dying, having a loved one die, etc. stopped doing the compulsions and it still hasn’t happened?

SirSalt

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 33w

Just wanted to start off with im so sorry you are having these experiences and thoughts, also sounds more like a horrible employer more than anything, i would go as far as to consider it a blessing that you dont work in such a stressful environment anymore. Also it might sound a bit like your OCD is reaching out for reassurance in the form of other peoples stories. My best advice would be to delay compulsions as much as you can as kinda baby steps, and eventually go so long with delaying compulsions you dont do them at all for a 24hr period and simply sit with the fear and discomfort and mentally work through it, take a breath, take note of your anxiety level, and just sit there keeping track of it and the time, and youll maybe even start to see the anxiety level gets lower and lower.

Anonymous

Date posted: 33w

OCD loves a coincidence. I would maybe suggest ranking the parts of your routine that are "least likely" to "most likely" to kill you and start with the easier stuff. If you use the bathroom before brushing your teeth, maybe do them in the opposite order (so still doing both things but finding little ways to disrupt the routine). Take your time and talk back to the OCD as you do it: You don't get to tell me that because I brushed my teeth before I used the bathroom that something bad will happen. You don't get to tell me that if something bad happened, it would be the worst case scenario. You don't get to tell me that I'm the exception of billions of people getting ready for bed in this order. You don't get to tell me if something bad does happen, that it was anything more than a coincidence. And then I would work your way up the ladder, disrupting things a little more and a little more without it rising to a level that's super distressing without support from i.e., your therapist. As you do this, you will start to get the positive reinforcement that the reality is, these things were never keeping you alive in the first place. I told my therapist that I felt like I was always narrowly escaping death and I was becoming more and more careful (aka doing more and more compulsions) because I was getting the *negative* positive reinforcement that these things were keeping me safe when they weren't. We know that people aren't perfectly doing their compulsions everyday. We know people without OCD aren't doing compulsions period and the world hasn't stopped spinning but I think asking for examples is another compulsion of seeking reassurance. The more you look for evidence to satisfy OCD, the more you fuel it. Start with something that's less distressing, even if you can't follow through with totally stopping a compulsion right now, sit with it, disrupt it, talk back to it. It will start to get better.

Draykewampler

Date posted: 19w

fear of death and ocd

so i have ocd but this is the main theme ive been dealing with for the last few months, im obsessed with my mortality and i feel trapped by the reality of death. i dont really believe in an afterlife which makes it scarier, not that i dont wanna my brain literally just wont let me. but i have daily panic attacks thinking about death all day, its honestly the toughest thing ive ever dealt with. does anybody have any tips on how they manage this if they have ever dealt with it? not looking for reassurance, just some non compulsive ways to kind of lessen the grip of the fear.

mariahlexie

Date posted: 17w

Trying to deal with compulsions

Sorry, I know I keep posting on here but it’s like a diary for me. The people on here seem to be the only people that understand what I’m going through. With my obsession about death, the afterlife, and whether or not there is a God, I’ve been going crazy with the compulsions lately. My brain keeps saying things like “If [insert random insignificant event, ex: a red car drives by] within the next 30 seconds, it‘s a sign from God that he is real.” Or there’s the ruminating, where I try to comfort myself by saying that there has to be a God, and that we have to have a greater purpose, and I’ll think about it for hours. I know it’s illogical and ridiculous but regardless it’s absolutely dreadful to feel this way. I have hope after seeing some people say they’ve learned to cope with and have recovered from that feeling of existential dread and the compulsions that can come with it and still be able to find joy in their lives. I hope that soon I can find that joy again. The past three days I’ve lived in a constant state of anxiety and misery. I’ve completely lost my appetite and I physically have to force myself to eat (and I’m a big binge eater that only recently went into recovery for BED so that’s saying a LOT.) The only time I feel at peace is literally when I’m sleeping, or those rare fleeting moments where I somehow am not thinking about it. I haven’t really felt any emotions in depth except for this feeling of utter hopelessness. I hope I can move past this, find comfort in restoring my relationship with religion again without using it as a compulsion, and just live my life accepting that there are some things we’ll simply never know without letting it ruin my life.

#Lexiriri

Date posted: 14w

Death Anxiety Advice

Okay so for context to assist anyone who wants to give advice to me, I am religious (catholic) but I also believe in science, the reason I believe in both in simple terms is the math don’t math for me. Yes we know the big bang theory happened, but the theory is it started from a singularity kind of like what you would find in the center of a black hole, no one knows what happens if you go through it. So out of this point and singularity, there sprung an explosion that created the universe and in that universe out of all odds a planet was created (the only one we know of right now, though I think it’s highly likely there are other life forms out there) that just so happened to have to develop the exact right conditions for life to develop. And how did that life even develop, primordial soup, the earth’s bodies of waters just so happened to get the exact chemical compounds in the exact amount needed to create organic compounds such as amino acids. So my point in this science brief is that everything we experience and exist in is a statistical anomaly, to many anomalies to make sense for me. Maybe the way I understand religion ends up being correct or not, I hopefully won’t know for a really really really long while, I go with what makes sense to me, but I do know that there has to be some sort of higher power that I don’t understand that in my opinion must be at work within the universe. Despite all I know about science and all I know about religion (my own and others) I cannot shake my existential dread, I can’t shake the awful fear of death. I can’t even enjoy basic milestones in life like birthdays or weddings for people because it always creeps in. It even doesn’t help if I try to think about the concept of heaven and just radically accept that as my answer for what happens after, because then I feel so much fear and dread of seeing the people who traumatized me when I get there. My adopted mom once asked me when I would stop being scared of my abuser ever finding me or interacting me and I told her when the woman is dead, now that’s not even true. I can’t even feel of safety in religion because then I become terrified I’ll be in eternity with that woman, and I’m not even going to start on my religious OCD themes right now. It’s affecting my OCD horribly and I’ve had multiple panic attacks at this point and so so many compulsions, it’s like they never end. For those with death anxiety, what are things you’ve tried that I could try to help? Are there any specific therapies for death anxiety that I could try? I want to be able to take control of my life and be able to enjoy things without always having this creep up in the back of my mind, so I’ll gladly hear any suggestions or things others have tried that could help. Thank you!

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