I feel doomed, please help. 17+

17+ only or you’ll be blocked. I saw someone get canceled for drawing cheese pizza and zoophi// when they were 13-14 and at this point I want to be confess what I did. It eats at me and seeing all the comments about “maybe just don’t do bad things, this is the consequences you have to deal with.” Or “no, anything from 13-15 is unforgivable” I’m so done, I feel doomed and I feel like I ruined my life because I did something unforgivingly wrong and I will never deserve happiness. When I was 15, I viewed a inappropriate disgusting video on a website, no it wasn’t a weird video, it was actually bad, like get in trouble bad. then I regretted it once i realized what had happened, it was like my brain turned on after it happened and I realized what I was doing was wrong, I cried every night, and I didn’t eat or anything because of how much I regretted what I had did. It took me a year to recover because I would punish myself every single day and even now when I see these videos I go back to punishing myself like I did for a year, almost two years ago.

Real Events OCD

nae nae

Date posted: 32w

People who are saying "anything from 13-15 is unforgivable" are not mature enough to have their opinion considered (respectfully). There's nuance to life, and that's such strict, black and white thinking. That's still very young. Our minds develop at different speeds, but most would say they aren't even considered fully developed until mid 20s. Even then, we're still ever growing. Humans learn by making mistakes. Even as an adult, you're going to do things you'll come to regret or maybe realize you should've said or done something differently. It's our first time living, so let's offer ourselves some grace. I've seen and done things I regret, but I've learned to accept that it's happened and I've grown since! I still struggle with it, but it's not as severe. Before, I couldn't even eat or spend time around others because I felt so horrible after these memories resurfaced. I got trapped in a cycle of reviewing them over and over until I realized, "What will doing this change? Nothing!" Unless I figure out how to build a time machine, there's nothing to "fix." The past is in the past. Please don't beat yourself up over this and take opinions of people online with a grain of salt, especially on social media apps like TikTok and Insta. I'm all for holding people accountable for their actions, but that's when it's about a real, serious issue. Like most things online, it begins to feel performative otherwise.

King silly

Date posted: 32w

@nae nae Thank you for your insight, I really appreciate that and I needed to hear that. I genuinely appreciate this

King silly

Date posted: 32w

@nae nae I agree completely, we shouldn’t hold a child to adult expectations, that is unfair, as long as the child learns from their actions, then I feel like they deserved to be forgiven. My dad told me that’s what they did back in their day when adults did mistakes as children, why did we stop doing that???

nae nae

Date posted: 32w

@King silly I know, right? People can have such strong opinions online. Still, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this immense amount of guilt. You're deserving of forgiveness and many more wonderful things in life. :)

King silly

Date posted: 32w

@nae nae I know and it genuinely sucks, it can lead to alot of things happening, like they’re children??? But, Thank you!! I’ll stay away from exposed videos for a while

A. V.

Date posted: 32w

i don't think you should cancel yourself for this, as long as you recognise what you did was wrong and you don't do it again, and it seems you're very sure of that everybody makes mistakes i'm sorry you're going through this and punishing yourself so badly

A. V.

Date posted: 32w

@A. V. also i'm 24 if that helps with anything

King silly

Date posted: 32w

@A. V. Thank you so much. I appreciate this response

King silly

Date posted: 32w

I’m crying so hard as I think about this

gl0aming

Date posted: 25w

the guilt is all-consuming, advice needed

so, i’ve talked here before about the discord community i used to be in. they were rpg servers, there were adults and minors both in the community, and while there were rules against NSFW, jokes were definitely still made and lines were crossed. i was 19 at the time, and though i’m fairly certain i never made and explicit sexual jokes or remarks, i was still there when others did. my best friend did make suggestive jokes, and i still laughed. i didn’t leave. i feel guilty and tainted and like this is the end of the line for me- i have a following and an online career, and it feels like all of that is going to go up in smoke, because i didn’t realize that being friends with young teens as an 18-19 year old could be weird, or risky. i feel like this is proof of every bad thing that i’ve worried i am. if i could be there, and be okay with all the things that were said and joked about and just ignore them, what else am i capable of? i love my life, and my family. i don’t want them to see me as a monster. my mom thinks i’m making a mountain out of a molehill, but i don’t know if i agree with her. i’ve looked at other cases of people who have been cancelled for being inappropriate around minors online, sending inappropriate photos or making jokes and their entire lives go up in smoke. Is that me? they’re labeled every horrible thing under the sun. did they just not think? I don’t know what i’ll do if people believe that about me. my worst fear feels like it’s coming to life before my eyes after lying dormant and tugging at the back of my mind for almost 4 years. I fought the urge to re-read old chats for that long, but i finally gave in, and while i still haven’t found anything i said or did that could be considered incriminating, i remember new things every time the last worry starts to settle. I tried to log back into old instagram accounts to check old chats there, and remembered i’d already deleted them in a panic, so now i’ll never know, and it feels like the fact that i felt guilty enough to delete the accounts at all is incriminating enough. I don’t think i can ever move past this. i don’t deserve to be here- i’m actually a monster, and i ruined my life before it even started.

Anonymous

Date posted: 16w

Thinking u did something u not sure if u did

Hey guys I just wanted to talk about something I was feeling I feel so trapped and terrible I have a bad pornography addiction even back then idk what to do I'm 17 years old but basically I looked at some very obscure things on the Internet ranging from hentai or just even more messed up things when I was younger I think maybe early teens I remember randomly just started remembering things I saw now I do not remember if I acted on them or jerked off to them idk what to do I feel so ashamed trapped I feel like I can't enjoy life anymore for what I've done I been introduced to porn when I was young idk what to do I seem alot back then some memories pop certain ones I don't remember if I had pleasured myself to it it feels like I did I have so much shame if I did but idk what to do

Date posted: 15w

Past mistakes

When is a mistake too big to forgive. I looked at content that I really shouldn’t have (🌽)but I didn’t understand it was wrong at that time and with no parents supervision online . It happened in my teen like 14/15 and I’m so guilty. What makes it worse is that a small artist did something really similar and got cancelled and called disgusting . It is disgusting but I truly didn’t know how disgusting it is and if did I would’ve never done it . And it was worth cancelling her . But I did too so .

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I feel doomed, please help. 17+

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