Help ?

I totally understand. Do you go to therapy? In this way, asking someone questions and relaxing yourself can be a search for reassurance. Please be carefull. And it's okay to feel that way. Many people go through the same situation and then they can really feel the difference.

Are we bad people or are we people who did bad actions? I encourage you to reframe the way you view this, trust me I know it’s not easy but it’s necessary. People are wayyy too complex to be put into good and bad categories. When you call someone good or bad you aren’t giving them the right to eventually grow, and you are also ignoring the circumstances that led to their “bad” decisions. I’m not saying that’s what you are doing but sometimes that’s how we think. You are a human being like anyone else. So when you feel like a bad person, try to remind yourself things are a lot more complicated than that. And even people who have made mistakes, both big and small, deserve to be here and deserve to grow. Another important thing to keep in mind is your OCD is playing a role in this. It will distort your perception so much and make you feel like the worst person on earth even if that’s not the truth

finding out the horrible thoughts you’ve been having for so long is just ocd is so relieving but definitely upsetting as well. i had unbearable suicidal ocd for years and when i finally found out it was ocd and not my genuine thoughts i SOBBED. it feels so strange