scrupulosity

i’m so hard on myself. it’s hard for me to walk in the forgiveness of the Lord. like whenever i mess up, the enemy sends suicidal thoughts. it’s awful. i stressed myself out to the point i didnt eat for over a month really and i lost almost 20 pounds (i was 138 originally, and ended up being 118 in a couple month’s time). i get soooo hard on myself and i believe the Lord is so hard on me i always wonder if He’s disappointed in me. if He’s mad at me. if He’s angry with me. it freaks me out and makes me question and overthink every move i make. it’s awful. i’ve really been staying inside the house for the past 2 weeks because outside makes me feel anxious and sad. i just feel overwhelmed and i stop talking to Him because He scares me. AND IT’S NOT EVEN HIM SAYING ALL THOSE THINGS, IT’S THE ENEMY LYING TO ME. he (the enemy) speaks of his own nature so when the thoughts of “you’re not good enough” or “you’re a disappointment” or “you’re always messing up and God is so angry with you”, are his own because he thinks that about himself. trying to take these thoughts captive and not self sabotage and be so hard on myself, but it’s tough.

Anonymous

Date posted: 38w

You’re not alone! Our God is loving and doesn’t want you to be so hard on yourself. You’ve got this and you are loved!!!!

Z4CH

Date posted: 38w

You are 100% correct, those are lies from the evil one. We’re imperfect people and we all mess up, but we have to ground ourselves in the TRUTH that God’s forgiveness is greater than our sin, and His love is greater than our short comings. Keep up the good fight, it’s worth it because He lives. Just prayed for you!

CJ_022

Date posted: 17w

Scrupulosity

Been having blasphemous intrusive thoughts about God. Then sometimes I’m really struggling and I feel resentful, sometimes even towards God, which I know is not right, I want to have reverence. But it feels like sometimes I think the blasphemous thoughts on purpose because of my anger. I don’t know if this is an OCD issue or an issue of my heart or both. But yeah I don’t know what to do.

Cammy123

Date posted: 16w

struggling with blasphemous thoughts & doubt!

It’s been hard. I feel so trapped. I felt okay about a week ago. But these thoughts are really hitting me hard. Especially doubt too. Doubt if God & Jesus loves me because of these awful blasphemous thoughts! Doubts if I’m his child! Doubts if I am saved! I feel like I’m thinking then on purpose but I don’t want these thoughts! They bother me so much! It’s like a tick or Tourette’s in my brain. I also have thoughts switches I’ll say I love god but then it’ll changed to something so evil is gross :( It feels like I don’t have a relationship with God anymore or like I don’t know how to anymore. It makes me sad and stressing me out. I obviously try not to think awful things but the more I try not too the worse they are. I just feel so lost. I was so on fire and felt like my faith for God & Jesus was unstoppable but now I feel like I’m so far or how could he possibly love me anymore. How could I have these thoughts :(

Anonymous

Date posted: 11w

My mind seems to be imploding in on itself

So, alot has changed. I'm Christian and currently believe we are in the end of times. It's changed my whole perspective on life. I quit my job and moved back in with family, starting to go to church, apologized to those I hurt except, one person who I talked to two family members and they told me to delete the message and with my other apology ( that i also believed was God telling me to confess in 2020) i lied at some parts because of shame and confusing myself most likely intentionally. I confessed everything to my dad and he says since i turned from it, repented, that i need to let it go and continue forward. Since then, my minds been saying that I'm outside of God's will and everything's gone down hill. I had also prayed that God exposed me and now it's like all this evil and wickedness that feels like it's coming out of my heart settles into my chest. I've prayed to God, worshipped to God, but thoughts and images of being sent to hell or my loved ones pops into my head and I've gone to sleep twice each night accepting the fact that because of me not doing so may have doomed me and my loved ones and I feel scared that I got so tired and stopped fighting it. I've had ocd since I was 7 but it just is so scary because it's hitting down to the wire and I'm scared that I was never a child of God at all I mean I have iniquity I thought I repented for but people I love still struggle with what I've done and I prayed for them and tried to help them and suggest therapy but I haven't did what I could to make it right like I should've. But these images and thoughts they're horrible. I feel like I'm against God truly and I'm like Lord change the circumstances and I won't resist so that I can preach Your word and everyday I feel like I'm gambling. It's like every thought is biblical for the most part. I don't want to kill myself cuz what if I have a chance that God will have mercy on me but....

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

scrupulosity

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community