So I don't feel attraction to kids at all. But I do get like intrusive thoughts about people r@p!ng me like family, teacher, etc. I know this is a result of me being assaulted as a child continuously, but I wasn't sure.
Or I will get thoughts of others being r-worded
Doesn't really matter how you label it. It's very understandable in what you mentioned here. Have you been able to speak to a therapist about your situation and your past?
@Someone99 No I get embarrassed and rn I don't have one because I just moved
@Jaxx0n I actually had the fear of embarrassment going in to therapy, especially because all the male therapists were a long wait, and I was in need to begin asap, so I have a female therapist, and she has been amazing. It does take a little time to develop a comfort level with a therapist, and by all means if a therapist does make you feel uncomfortable, then switch. The therapy is for you. I'm the meantime, I'm glad you're here and sharing, I hope you'll find it a place of encouragement, but not reassurance, of course. π You've been through way more than you ever should have been through, but healing is possible.
@Someone99 πππππ π’ππ ππ ππππ ππ πππππ π πππ.
@Jaxx0n You're in my heart and prayers. I had some rough physical abuse when I was very young, not by my parents, but still, years later I still need nurture and healing there as a 4 year old boy.
Iβm so sorry youβre going through this. What youβre describing makes a lot of sense, especially given your past experiences. Intrusive thoughts like these are so common for people whoβve been through traumaβtheyβre not a reflection of who you are or what you want. Theyβre your mindβs way of trying to process what happened, even though it feels overwhelming and confusing. The fact that these thoughts disturb you so much shows that theyβre unwanted and intrusive. Theyβre not coming from you; theyβre a response to what youβve been through. Trauma can leave a lasting imprint, and sometimes the brain tries to make sense of it in ways that feel upsetting or out of your control. Whatβs most important is that youβre gentle with yourself. These thoughts donβt define you. Theyβre a symptom of the pain youβve been carrying, not a reflection of who you are. It can help to work with a trauma-informed therapist who can give you tools to manage these thoughts and work through the underlying hurt. Youβre not alone in this, and thereβs nothing wrong with you for having these thoughts. Healing is possible, and you deserve to find peace and feel safe again.
ππ·π°π½πΊ ππΎπ. πΈ ππππ ππππ πππππππ πππππππ’ πππ ππ πππππ'π ππππ ππ πΈ'ππ ππππ ππ π π±ππ½π²π·. πΈ π πππππ ππ ππ ππππ π πππππππππππ πππ πΈ π ππ πππππ ππ πππ ππππ ππ’ πππππ ππππππππ ππ πππ ππππ πππππππππ ππ. πΈ π ππ πππ. π±ππππ ππ πππππππππ ππ πππππππππππ πππππ ππ ππππ ππ ππππ πππππππ πΈ ππππ πΈ'π πππ ππ’π πππππ π ππππππ πππ πΈ ππππ πΈ πππ'π ππ πππ’πππππ πππ ππ πΈ πππππ ππππ’'π ππππ ππ.
@Jaxx0n did you get any mΓ©dication?
@loum Yeah they have me on like 6 different ones but they don't help and I feel worse being on them and when I tell them that they just up my dose
TW So I havenβt been diagnosed with pocd, but many ppl said that I have it. I was in bed when I remembered this time when I first started experiencing what I hope is false attraction not actual pedophilia, Iβm looking back on it rn n Iβm worried it wasnβt false attraction, I remember feeling a sense of attraction when I saw that kid, I was about14 at the time and the kid was 11 or 12. I remember constantly searching to see if it was normal for a 14 year old to like a 12 or 11 year old, I was worried when I was doing that i think, I also kept walking pass her to look at her i think to check if i was attracted or not, but it makes me worried that I was attracted to her because im worried that i did it bc i was actually attracted. now looking back on it rn, I donβt feel panic, worry, shame, or guilt, I originally only felt panic and worry, never shame or guilt. Now I donβt feel any of it, not feeling panic and worry now makes me think that I am a p, I donβt want to be a p. I hope im not a p, Ive talked to a therapist and theyβve said that itβs pocd, but it wasnβt a official diagnosis, Iβm worried it was a false diagnosis because I lied on one or two of the questions. I also constantly get senses of what I hope is false attraction when I see some kids, and I keep trying to figure out if it is real or false attraction. Also some other time today I was feeling aroused and I wanted to m#sturbate, but then thoughts of kids started popping up, I think that I didnβt like them, Iβm not sure any more, but while I was finishing the thoughts kept comigg by, idk what it means but it felt like I enjoyed it, which made me worried, but after I finished the thoughts disappeared a lot more, idk why that happened idk what it means, could someone give me some advice pls?? I donβt wanna be a pedo. All of that happening makes me feel like I am one, can someone give me advice on whatβs happening and what I am??
I'm posting something after a long. I have multiple Ocd themes and my main themes of sexual ocd is incest Ocd and Hocd and POCD has never been so active but today something happened that has been bothering me for a while. I was traveling in a bus and there I saw a kid/young teen. When I saw him, I instantly found him so attractive and then BOOM.. I started feeling like I'm attracted to him. I felt confused. I literally found him attractive and also thought that he would look really fine after growing up his face was so attractive but I don't want to be into him at all. I feel like I'm so much into him. I'm feeling very bothered by this feeling. I feel like I'm in denial and I should accept my attraction towards him. I don't want to feel this way at all. I don't understand what to do, how to figure out this feeling. I'm 99% sure that there was an underlying attraction I felt when I looked at him and realized that he is good looking. I feel like dying from inside and extremely confused. He's not in my bus now and I feel urges to just see him once to finally figure out that I'm into him or not but he is not here. I think I'm a pedophile which I don't want to be and everything is finished now, nothing would be same in my mind because I'm so paranoid and feeling like I'm into him. Please somebody help me and let me know if anyone of you has ever felt this way having POCD.
So I was never diagnosed with pocd but many ppl said that I have it and my therapist also said that I have ocd, Iβve recently been getting these thoughts and feelings of attraction towards kids, idk if itβs real attraction or not, but I worry that itβs true attraction because I donβt feel panic and anxiety towards those thoughts and feelings anymore, I used to feel that, but I also never felt shame or guilt for those thoughts and feelings. I also canβt tell if I want those thoughts and feelings or not. When I get those thoughts and feelings, I tell myself βI canβt be attracted to kidsβ and βbeing attracted to kids is badβ and βI wouldnβt like kidsβ. The main thing is I can tell if I am attracted to the kids or not, I feel like I want to know, but I also donβt know if I want to be attracted to kids or not, yet the attraction feeling feels so genuine, I canβt tell if itβs false or not, I try to compare my attraction towards a girl my age to the feelings I get when I see the kids. Iβm also under the age of 16, and Iβve heard that people under the age of 16 are at risk of developing p#dophilia, Iβm pretty sure I donβt want to become a pedo. But I canβt tell what I want anymore, I canβt tell if my feelings intrusive or not. Even though some people said that I have βtextbook ocdβ I still donβt believe it. These feelings and thoughts, I just donβt understand if I want and like them or not, idk if I WANT to like or want them. I also lied on 2 questions for the ocd diagnosis about liking the thoughts which I donβt know if I do or not, I said that I think I donβt when in reality I donβt know if I do or not. And the second question where I said I donβt feel aroused even though sometimes I do, idk why I get aroused for that stuff, idk if I want to be aroused or if I donβt want to be aroused. Can someone give me advice pls? ANT to like or want them. I also lied on 2 questions for the ocd diagnosis about liking the thoughts which I donβt know if I do or not, I said that I think I donβt when in reality I donβt know if I do or not. And the second question where I said I donβt feel aroused even though sometimes I do, idk why I get aroused for that stuff, idk if I want to be aroused or if I donβt want to be aroused. I also used to watch p#rn a lot, I was exposed to it at a young age cause I was a stupid ass kid once, I got addicted to it and watched it every day, when all of these feelings and thoughts started, I completely stopped watching p#rn which fixed that, but now Iβm worried it was a sign of something bad because I heard that early porn exposure creates mental issues and stuff, so I donβt know if I have pocd or actual pedophilia anymore. Iβm also currently tryin to get a relationship with a girl my age. Can someone give me advice on all of this pls? Idk what all of this means anymore :(
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