STD/STI

I’m new to this page and have been experiencing some thoughts which I think can be associated with health anxiety or OCD I recently participated in sexual intercourse with someone and I can’t get the thought out of my head that I contracted an STD The one night stand was about 7 weeks ago and it was “protected” however, I can’t shake the thought that I have and STD/HIV I’ve tested 4 times since the encounter and they’ve all come back negative however every time you read something on the internet it says you may have tested too soon! Now I find myself wondering if I have bad results. Also, I find myself wondering if every physical aliment I feel is related to an std that hasn’t shown yet. Has anyone experienced anything similar?

TexasOCD41

Date posted: 11w ago

Very common health anxiety. i used to be OBSESSED with the fear of genital herpes. The "test" for it is unreliable and most doctors wont test due to it. basically, the only true way to know you have it is when you experience and outbreak. I had read all the scary online stuff about how it can be dormant for years. I would bend over an examine my private ( I'm a female for context) like 15 times a day. Id go into the bathroom, examine every inch, feel ok, walk out only to turn RIGHT back around to check again. Id even take pictures of what i thought were spots and send to my best friend ( yea girls are weird sometimes) and ask if she saw what i saw and she would say she saw nothing. Usually it would be a razor burn or i would actually see something that wasn't even there. i examined myself so often that i actually damaged my skin down there.... SO YES you are not alone. The way you beat it, is accept it. testing, online research, those are all compuslsions that feed your obsession. And as you have already found out, they don't work. 4 tests in and your still finding ways to doubt ( OCD is called the doubting disease) you can test 10 more times and you will still find a reason to doubt ( its still too soon, its a bad test, they mixed up my results, i HAD an STD but its gone now). Google is also THE DEVIL. it will tell you EVERY POSSIBLE scenario but wont highlight the most LIKELY scenario, which is that with STDS, YES they CAN be asymptomatic, but MORE often than not, they have VERY obvious symptoms. So what you need to do is accept that you might... but you also might not(and probably don't). understand that might does not equal likely, you could be looking at a 1 in a million likleyhood. Let that be enough. Tell yourself your in good health, you got tested, they say you are clean, and getting tested is the standard to consider yourself safe for sex with others so you don't have to feel guilty for more encounters. To this day i still wonder if i might have dormant herpes, and to that is say " oh well, guess ill just deal with it if i ever get an out break, there are meds i can take, ill be fine regardless" and i carry on with my life.

Anonymous

Date posted: 11w ago

@TexasOCD41 Thank you for sharing and this is helpful to know others have experienced the same thing. I hate how it’s impacted the people around me and I’m trying my best to forget about the encounter and reflect on the fact that I used protection. Like that’s what it’s for!!! lol

TexasOCD41

Date posted: 11w ago

@Anonymous - I wouldnt even try to remind yourself you used protecting. Thats a form of self reassurance which is also compulsive. Complusions are sneaky, but basically anything you do that has the hope of giving yourself comfort is likely a compulsion and needs to be avoided. Just allow yourself to feel anxious about it but don't try to avoid, examine, solve, reflect, just accept, and move forward. Moving forward doesn't mean you will automatically feel better immediately, it will just help you to being breaking the cycle of worry-compulsion-worry-compulsion. If you just allow the worry for awhile, it will lose power and you WILL be able to let it go.

lamebrain

Date posted: 18d ago

@TexasOCD41 i’ve never read anyone who has the exact same worry as i do. i’m obsessed with the idea i’ll contract genital herpes. how’d you get to the point of accepting that??

TexasOCD41

Date posted: 17d ago

@lamebrain - Well, a few things that helped me were, for one, i found out a few of my close friends actually have it and i asked them what its like, and they said its really not a big deal at ALL, google shows you pictures of the RAREST most sensational examples. They told me its honestly just an annoying skin condition that gets a bad wrap because its passed around during sex. I get cold sores, and its the same virus, just on my lip but no one ever cares about that, so its just because of stigma. I also got in a GOOD, healthy relationship and discussed with my partner what our thoughts are on if one of us should have the virus show up, and we both agreed that it would be annoying but its not life threatening and it would go away ( and you can suppress it with a pill a day). I actually ended up testing positive for HPV ( not herpes but a sexually transmitted virus) last year, iv been married for 3 years. I learned that the virus could have been dormant in me for 10 years. I told my husband and he just said " oh well, guess we both have it now" and i know that 90% of HPV cases go away on there own in 1-2 years, my OBGYN wasn't even worried she just said come back next year and we will test you again. So honestly, keeping things in perspective helped. in a world of terminal illnesses and fatal injuries and hundreds of thoughts of terrible things that COULD happen, a 5-7 day long irritating skin condition is the LAST thing i need to be worried about. Also, you can worry about possibly having it all day but it makes no difference. Worry wont prevent you from getting it, worry just borrows sorrow from tomorrow. Equally important is the act of stopping the compulsive habits i had of constantly checking. googeling symptoms and pictures, checking myself in the mirror, freaking out over every itch or tingle or razor bump. You have to actively make a chose " you know what, this is NOT a big deal, its SUPER common, i bet i know 10 people who have it, its manageable, treatable, practically preventable, I'm NOT going to let something so minor cause such a major mental disruption" and you KEPP PUSHING that narrative in your brain. Im sure you have spent a LONG time building fear and worry, so it will take time to dismantle that way of thinking and re-build a new one, its going to feel fake, and stupid, maybe even dangerous at first, but if you stick with it, keep reminding yourself and trivial it really is, how much you acutlly DONT care about it, in time, your brain will start to stick. Iv been married 3 years, and occasionally i still wonder " what if i got an outbreak tomorrow" and ill ask my husband and he just says " well, then we just deal with it, take meds or what ever and live our lives, not a big deal." and he is right, and i just let it go.

Joey Gerbino

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 11w ago

Hi, I’m sorry to hear that you’re experiencing this. Firstly, yes; this is extremely common with Health Concern OCD. I, myself; experienced this years ago and it unfortunately took over my life entirely and consumed me from the inside out. Unfortunately, it caused my onset episode; of which, spiraled into chronic OCD, severe anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder. Please, don’t allow this to also happen to you! Secondly, you must keep on the forefront of your mind that your encounter was protected. I too had a protected encounter that triggered this episode. I went for in-person tests at both my primary care doctor, urgent cares and even took at home tests throughout the entire duration of the time period. I had become a shell of myself; hollow on the inside and what felt like was entirely lost for life. However, you need to address this with a therapist ASAP/STAT before this situation becomes out of control. Trust me, I know the depths of hell this situation could bring you to and I urge to at act on seeking out help before you ever have to experience anything similar to what I went through and endure the pain, suffering and agony that it could cause you. In the interim; please, stop doing research online and only focus on the information being provided to you in-person by physicians, etc. Meanwhile, please be mindful and gentle with yourself while you go through this process. Addressing the core issue of which is OCD will be the best possible treatment for you in the now and in the long run! Sending you love, compassion and support while suffering from the monster and battling the beast that is OCD 💌

Anonymous

Date posted: 11w ago

@Joey Gerbino Thank you for your insight and it sounds very similar to what I am experiencing right now. I’ve made an appointment to speak with a therapist this week but when they told me there was a communities page I had to ask. Thank you again

Joey Gerbino

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 11w ago

@Anonymous My pleasure and glad to hear that you’re taking the first step! That’s what matters most! Hang in there because you’ve got this 💪

Mindfulness6060

Date posted: 16d ago

@Anonymous @TexasOCD41 @lamebrain **Trigger Warning** I have been struggling with this for over a decade and am struggling with this pretty hard right now. It has negatively impacted my life in a large way - so much fear around STDs and caused a lot of suffering. It made it difficult to get into relationships or even be intimate with someone. I not only worry about actual sex but the possibility of being infected from cuts particularly during masturbation on the receiving end and giving end. For context - Heterosexual male. I first joined a not-for-profit organization ASHA to get basic information to what safe sex was so I wasn't totally ignorant which I though would help. In this organization are MDs and an NP who specialize in this and give guidance on safe sex but not necessarily education. It turned out more nuanced than I though with respect to infections being asymptomatic, there being waiting periods for testing, specificities with tests, and the concern for skin-to-skin infections, etc. I then thought it would be wise to get basic knowledge on the immune system to help me be more informed, help understand the mechanisms of structure and how the immune system functions to fight infection to no avail - why are people asymptomatic was something I researched too. Any slight perceived exposure from someone that is not in a committed relationship with me even if it is with a friend makes me go crazy. The waiting period at least for HSV2 is overwhelming. What's more, every STI has the same trigger for me; they are equally as concerning because it is hard to categorize in an itemized way of the danger of each. My head comes up with many possibilities of how I could had been infected and not been adequately tested yet. The biggest and main fear is actually infecting someone else. You guys are definitely not alone with it.

nae nae

Date posted: 13w ago

I'm sorry. Just need to vent. :(

This might contain triggering content, but I'm also wondering if others have dealt with this similar thought, and if so, how to deal with it? Overall, I've been doing so well these past few days. I'm able to eat again, which I hadn't been able to do because of how much anxiety I'd been experiencing. I'm spending time around loved ones and not just rotting in my room, and I've been able to wake up without immediately being bombarded by intrusive thoughts. When things first got really bad, I'd wake my mom up every night for reassurance, but I haven't done that in a while either. I'm really proud of myself, but there's still this nagging thought in my mind... While looking through others posts on here, hoping to find advice that'd fit my situation, I ended up making things worse. Someone mentioned how they had a fear that they'd purposely search for illegal content (related to POCD). I panicked, and "what ifs" flooded my thoughts. "What if the intrusive thoughts affect who I am as a person, and I do that?" I'm terrified that I'll search for those things, which I know means I wouldn't do it. But then, another person on here said they'd actually looked for those things, and that freaked me out even more. Does that mean it's possible for that to happen to me? I don't want to do that, but I keep having intrusive thoughts surrounding it. I've been doing so well these past few days. I'm just... stuck. I don't know what to do. I've spoken with other people who have the same fears, but how do I manage this? It's not something I've even thought about before seeing those posts. I've been practicing accepting the uncertainty, but I'm really struggling with this one. I hate this. This morning, I woke up, and the intrusive thoughts were back. It's just disheartening.

Wessers19

Date posted: 9w ago

Could being exposed to content as a kid affected me in this way?

Trying not to seek reassurance, but rather connect the dots on my OCD and possible reasons as to why I am the way I am. I have severe OCD (or at least I hope I do) mainly surrounding POCD. I've had symptoms of OCD the majority of my life but this theme has come up more recently. When I was a kid, and i'm talking 6-7, I was first exposed to some really gross adult content online. It was introduced to me by a friend of mine around the same age of me. I saw some really disgusting things that a 6-7 year old should definitely not see. This was not a one time occurrence, as I had been exposed to taboo topics online years to come after that, such as the same friend introducing me to Omegle... And i'm sure you can imagine how that went, theres a lot of genuinely disgusting human beings on there. Coming back to the reason for making this post; is it possible to early exposure to this content could be one of the reasons I struggle with POCD? It genuinely scares me to death because you hear that real p*dos dealt with simular situations when they were kids, so thats kind of making me feel that this could be more than OCD, and I could be a genuinely bad person. My POCD feels so real, that at times i'm fully convinced its not OCD. Sometimes I can't even distinguish the feelings of attraction between a younger person and an older person, except for the feeling of anxiety and fear. Its really hard to explain without going into detail, but it just feels so real. Some feedback on this would be great, thank you all.

Jack03

Date posted: 8w ago

Is this OCD?

Hi, I’m new here!! I’m praying I don’t get judged for this. But, back in late May of 2022 ( literally right before I graduated high school), I added this one random girl from my school on Snapchat. She posted something about a graduation party , so I swiped up on her story basically saying how I can’t believe we’re almost graduated. She replied and we had a really short and simple conversation. The next day ( i believe) , we started talking a lot , and I just so happened to see her at the highschool when we were grabbing our graduation outfits and doing the rehearsal. When I saw her irl, I kinda got turned off ( I heard she was kinda crazy) , and on top of that , she was a little ugly irl. I remember seeing her Snapchat bio , and she was close friends with my female cousin ( a year younger than me) , who I happened to experiment sexually with when I was 10-11 years old. I remember going to work later that day and having sort of a lightbulb flick thought ( it wasn’t a good thought though) , what if my cousin told her about what happened when we were younger? So I started to kind of panic and immediately distanced myself from that girl. I also experimented sexually with one of my female friends when I was 10-11 , and from that day onwards, I’ve been pretty much living in paranoia and a little bit of guilt about someone finding out and my life being ruined . On top of that, It’s gotten worse to now sometimes I wonder if a girl I added off of quick add ( Snapchat) is underage even if they told me they were 18+ or had 18 and above in their bio, and I get so much guilt and anxiety about that. I even had a quick thought last February on what if I did something inappropriate with my younger cousin when I was 15-16 but I just can’t exactly remember when it happened , and it still eats me alive when I think about it, because I don’t know if it happened or not. I’m sorry for the long vent, I just wish I felt normal again. No matter how much I try to do things that old me used to do, life always feels “ off”. I always kept the top part about when I was younger a secret up until early (ish ) 2024, then I vented to one of my best friends and he told me that that’s a normal thing to do at a young age. Since then, I have told multiple friends and they all say they did similar stuff, but my brain just can’t accept that. Please help me, I quite literally overthink everything nowadays. 2021 was the last full year that I felt normal ( coincidentally, the best year of my life so far) . It’s not just about sexual related things either, sometimes I’ll wonder if I messed up something at work or hit a car while driving/hit someone and drove off. I just wanna live my life how I was supposed to live it after highschool ( carefree and happy) before whatever it is ( I think it’s ocd) hit me unexpectedly. Thanks to anyone who read this , I just needed to pour it out regardless of how negative I felt typing this, I hope someone can relate , because I feel so alone in my head at times.

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