Fear of having interest in artists

There was this really bad event that really hurt my ocd of “what if I’m interested in the wrong person or thing”. I mean there’s people throwing out rumors about an artist that I was interested in for years. My ocd would make me doubt “yea but what if I’m wrong when I say that all these rumors aren’t true?” I used to not doubt so much when it comes to rumors but I don’t know. There was this medication I used to take. It was for seizures. Apparently it helped with ocd and schizophrenia for the most part too and I didn’t know. So even if I doubted or if I was scared, I didn’t let it consume me and I didn’t engage in compulsions for the most part. But since I didn’t have seizures anymore, I weened off of it but then it worsened my ocd when I quit the medication which led me to have reality distortions which meant I felt like I wasn’t allowed to be interested in anything if anything is potentially problematic because of what others said. I went back on meds. I had reality distortions about my family and friends too but I’m with them all time, so it’s easier to manage and start over after meds. But stuff like being interested in artists, it takes longer because I don’t know them at all personally. I was scared of everything equally besides interests though. I just get to regain relationships with them to feel better. But yea It’s just aggravating that I have to start over on certain things for a while because I have ocd. It’s just dumb that after quitting psych meds without knowing, my ocd basically took away half my interests and I’ve lost lots and lots of friends because I had ocd and rsd about them too. I just have to accept. And I’m hoping my ocd won’t ruin relationships with my family again too.

nae nae

Date posted: 31w

I can relate to what you said about feeling like you aren't allowed to be interested in something if anything is potentially problematic. I bought a book a while ago because I'd heard others talk about it, but after I bought it, I remembered a while back when people online said the author might have problematic views, and I felt so guilty for purchasing it first-hand. This has happened with other things, too, and I try not to let it bother me personally, but it can feel like if I enjoyed this potentially problematic thing or person, and then it says something about me as a person? It's doesn't help when people create videos online like, "I've always disliked (insert name). How didn't you guys see this coming? It was obvious." Then, I feel like I should've known somehow, and that it's my responsibility to have predicted whether or not they were capable of this, had these views, etc... That's just my experience with it, though. I'm not sure if it's similar to yours or not. I'm also sorry to hear that the coming off the medication sort of spiked all of this. It's exhausting to deal with. Especially if it's affected your personal relationships, on top of taking away your interests. :(

Ishil

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 31w

@nae nae Thank you for the support and yes my experience is similar to this

Ishil

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 31w

Trigger warning because I mentioned seizures

BigGyro09

Date posted: 20w

Life kinda just sucks right now 18+ only

Never feels like I can fully put my mind to rest. The problem with OCD for me is once I'm over one worry there's another buried deep into my mind that I'm not fully over. The two events I'm not completely over is when I tried to help a 17 year old with POCD when I was 19 and the topics unfortunately were detailed and even then I explained to them I wasn't comfortable with talking to them. I guess I just had a hard time saying no to someone needing help but it eventually made me so uncomfortable that I stopped talking with them altogether at some point. Then the other thing is being so worried that I committed a crime because my elbow touched someone's behind when I didn't want that to happen at all. I didn't want to listen to my OCD by saying move my arm or something horrible is going to happen so I didn't and then something bad actually did happen. I thought it would just be a light touch while zipping a bag up but then it was worse than I ever wanted it to be and it was so awkward and I hated it. I feel like I just won't be able to get back to the way I was before OCD started all of this. Aside from that I've just had extreme health anxiety but am too afraid to reach out to a PCP even though I need to. Something deep down is telling me I should do this but I'm just so anxious and embarrassed about sharing things to them. I can't even enjoy the things I used to do because this is constantly just messing up my life. I'm hoping I get a start of positivity next time I see my therapist. This just sucks. Feels like others around me are doing so much better than I am and I'm just kind of stuck on these same problems and feeling absolute shame and guilt from the past over and over again. I'm just so sick of dealing with this every single day so I just use escape whenever I can. Even that doesn't really work. I just wish I could go back in time.

SunnyAnon

Date posted: 19w

ocd + interests + online discussions

i’ve been having this theme pop up recently where if I see people either criticize or be a hater and spread misinformation or seeing old controversies about my current interests/hyper-fixations i find myself having a crazy anxiety attack about if it’s “morally okay” to be interested in my interests anymore. i feel really singled out and like im doing something wrong because im watching a youtuber or listening to a specific musical group. in all of these specific situations the people involved have talked about the situations and have changed accordingly but seeing it makes me feel like i shouldn’t be allowed to like my favorite things. to be clear none of these things are dramatically evil or bad. it’s either misinformation/uneducated people influencing someone opinion and then they learn and change. it just makes me feel like im not allowed to like my favorite things anymore because of people criticizing it??? if that makes sense??? also this is a little off topic but also not really because i’m 99.99% sure im autistic because of MANY things but with this specifically i have very strong interests and i feel very deep feelings about them and any and all criticism or hateful comments towards my favorite things trigger me deeply and make my ocd act up and make me feel uncomfortable and uncertain and anxious and it causes physical discomfort to me. i really don’t know how to calm myself down about this specific theme it’s brand new and makes me feel really anxious. not trying to look for reassurance but does anyone else understand what i mean??? does anyone have any advice on how to not give into the negative comments??? any suggestions on how to ease this specific anxiety???

"Pure" OCD

Anonymous

Date posted: 14w

A couple questions about rocd

I hate myself a lot and don’t understand. I do so well for a few days then spiral and feel so awful bc it feels true. The BIGGEST and WORST trigger and theme has been my brother old friend ish who I had a crush on yrs ago. Since my ocd returned once I got in a relationship (after many yrs of being hidden) this theme is the most brutal. For some background I had a crush on my current boyfriend last year in February til May and we were friends then we started talking officially in end of May then dating in 2 week of June. I was obsessed w him 100%. The one time I even saw this old crush and the mall and my 1 friend and I followed him bc like old crush yk and I literally like stopped caring like idk how to explain it bc it was a while ago, but it didn’t matter to me. I eventually walked away and then later used that as an excuse to talk to my biggest crush (my current bf). Since we began dating, my ocd has been brutal. My little brother mentioned the old crush the one day saying “you still love him ur lying to urself rn by being w ur bf” and then it sent my mind on its first loop ab that guy. Since then, it’ll return getting worse and worse. (Sometimes I actually don’t care and it won’t feel as tru and ik it’s fake, but others it’s terrible) I hate it. And I feel so awful like I needa check to make sure I don’t like him. Yet logically why would I check my feelings. Ik I love my man bc everything ab him I love and he’s my comfort and best friend. But I get so stuck up in the confusion of all the thoughts ab this other guy and all I have wanted for the 10 months I’ve been dating my man is to go back to normal. Back to myself. The one who was head over heels obsessed w my man and completely forgetting ab the other ppl. But my brain says I can’t bc a part of me will always want the other guy or some other lame bs excuse and it hurts me so much and my man sometimes too. I’m considering medication but will it truly work? Will it make my thoughts go away? I hate how real/ true they feel I feel like a cheater or like I am lying to my man. I feel like rn when I say I love him, that I’m a liar😖for the past 3 days I was better. I gave it up and let God help me, but last night into today I’m lost. Are we sure ocd attacks wuts most important to us? Bc why is it so persistent and evil

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Fear of having interest in artists

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