Having a hard couple days. Was supposed to hang out with my bf this weekend but he cancelled due to being in a bad mood and not feeling up to it. Last night I told my bf I was unfollowing his tweet replies because it triggered me when he replied to girls. Now I'm pretty sure he's frustrated with me (and/or just not feeling like talking about anything heavy) and hasn't even viewed the other follow-up messages I sent. Also got 2 flat tires last night and now I have to talk to my boss about working from home tomorrow. Just trying to ride this all out but I feel alone and sad.

Yes, he is aware, but perhaps not of the exact intricacies. I also suspect me may be on the spectrum or have mild Asperger's as he's not very good at being supportive in a way most people are by default, and he is extremely introverted to the point of not needing to socialize at all for the most part. So at this point I just uninstalled the app we use to talk to prevent myself from checking for a response for a few hours and I'm just trying to relax and think about something else. I also have sexuality obsessions despite genuinely believing I'm bi, so I'm just having a rough time and trying to wait until I'm in a better spot mentally before I re-engage. I don't want to do anything that will escalate the 'conflict' or w/e this is, and figured I'd just post here for support. I appreciate your response though because it is definitely spot-on, and I do the same thing with communication. Thank you for your reply and I hope you have a good day too. ?

@butwhatif Suspect he*

@butwhatif That sounds like a super tough situation. It's good that you're trying to distract yourself from checking for replies! Have you been seeking help for your symptoms? I just got diagnosed with OCD fairly recently and am waiting for a psychiatrist to see me about it which is painful but I'm pushing through slowly but surely ? this just caught my eye because I used to have a huge issue with waiting for people to text back, but I actually just avoid my phone a lot now. It's like I know some people find it painful to wait for a text back but when I'm waiting for one my mind throws 12 different reasons why they haven't right at me and the reasons usually have to do with scary external factors and/or things I've done! Not sure if it's similar for you

@EMMaaaa Yeah, a lot of the time I think he's like mad/fed up with me/indifferent/distracted etc. etc. and I have a hard time discerning between ROCD and legitimate concerns. We have pretty good communication around most things, and I've known him for like 8 years so we can work through things, but it's really hard sometimes. I am seeing a therapist but she doesn't specialize in OCD, so I've thought about switching. I'm not sure if I've formally been diagnosed or not, but I've had therapists agree that I display the symptoms, so it's been confusing. I've been dealing with it for like a decade, and at times it's better under control than others but relationships have always been a trigger for me, and then it also makes me think "oh that's because you're actually gay, etc." I wouldn't mind if that were true at this point, but I do care about the relationship I have with my bf, whether it is more platonic than sexual or not (we were friends for 5+ years), so it's just hard and I often feel alone in dealing with my thoughts because I don't want to burden him with them and he's not very reliably comforting as it is. But therapy and having good friends does help. It's just my alone time that I struggle with mostly. And I agree leaving my phone alone helps. I sometimes turn it off and after this incident, I'm considering removing social media. It's just so hard finding the proper balance between avoidance and isolation, and having a proper social life despite having these triggers. ?