Okay so for example I have a fear of hitting people and when I was walking in the hallway I saw someone and it felt like I zoned out for a split second and was about to act on it even though I would never! I also felt my hand move a bit, this is destroying me I am terrified of myself I can’t deal with this torment anymore I hope it’s OCD and not that I’m evil
Just intrusive thoughts. Normal people have this thought often but just don't pay attention to it because they don't have OCD that drives them to question the content of their thoughts. I find that inserting humor into these situations helps remind me they aren't real and don't need my attention. For example, recently i was cleaning my kitchen and my cat was chilling on the counter top next to a VERY sharp knife. i had a thought of " i could stab her with that knife, it would be so easy" and had that feeling you describe where you question if you are even in control of your own actions, like what if i did it without realizing it. but i have been working on ERP and OCD long enough to know what i needed to do in the situation. I walked over to her, and said out loud " i could just stab you with that knife you know, but you probably wouln't like that very much would you?" and i picked up the knife and put it away and picker her up and kissed her and took her to bed. was i feeling anxiety the whole time? yes, did i wonder if i might do it anyway? yes, but i used ERP, and added my humor by talking to her in that baby voice you talk to pets and kids, and dismissed the thought and situation. When you are in those situations, purposely move your hand, ball up your fist even, and say in your head " i could just punch that person right in the face, talk about a weird way to introduce myself lol" or something along those lines and just continue with your day.
@TexasOCD41 It definitely does help to know I’m not alone! Because in the moment it felt like I was just an evil person and that this isn’t OCD. I can’t thank you enough for taking the time to write such an in depth comment, I’m going to try to add humor when I experience these thoughts. I think that would work well because I like to make jokes about some of my struggles and it can definitely help. Wishing you a great day 🙏🏼
@andrewt_ - happy to help. always remember, feelings are NOT facts. i could feel like a cat to the core of my being ( and even tho that would be AWESOME) its never going to be true. i know that seems like apples to oranges but its not. OCD gets you with its subtitle ways of making you think feelings are real and its scary that the way to beat OCD is to lean into it, you basically call its bluff. i like to think of OCD as a screaming kid throwing a tantrum. new parents will give that kid aLL the attention to try to stop the tantrum, they will try to distract it, give it food or toys, sooth it, and the kid calms down.... until the next tantrum,and guess what? now the kid knows that the more is screams, the more attention it gets. seasoned parents know that you ignore a tantrum, its not real distress, its crocodile tears, the kid is not in actual danger, its just pretending to be to get attention. ignoring it doesn't make it stop screaming instantly, its going to scream, pull, cry, kick, hold its breath, do EVERYTHING it can to get you to pay attention, but eventually they run out of energy, and calm down. OCD is that kid throwing a tantrum, and as much as you WANT to try to sooth it, give it what its screaming for ( attenion/compulsuions) you cant. ride out the fuss and it will eventually loose power. and seasoned parents also will use humor " oh boy would you just look at those tears, would make a crocodile jealous" " my my i sure wish i had the energy you have to throw a tantrum, i could be so much more productive" and they just ride it out.
@TexasOCD41 You are so right feelings are not facts I think sometimes I forget that when I am struggling so much I used to think that since I feel so guilty I must have done something bad even if that isn’t true! And OCD is exactly like a screaming kid that expects you to do what it wants. I keep giving into compulsions and doing avoidance but hopefully one day I can find the strength to stop. I’m always so scared when I’m around people it’s miserable but I’m going to try to keep in mind everything you said and not change my life around to accommodate the OCD because it doesn’t deserve power over me. Thanks again for your support and all your advice I really appreciate it 🙏🏼🙏🏼
You’re not evil. I too have been dealing with thoughts like this from a young age. Only until recently in my 30s did I find out it was a form of OCD. I too have felt what seemed to be physical “urges” to act out the thoughts. But instead of urges, I believe what we are feeling is the anxiety that the thoughts cause. I hope things get easier for you.
@Tyguy03 I am sorry you can relate but it helps to know I’m not alone! It literally felt so real and I started panicking but I guess it’s just OCD doing what it always does. Thank you for commenting!
That’s exactly how you will conquer it. Good luck, you got this!
I know we’re not meant to ask for reassurance but I’m currently not in therapy and I need help, it feels scarily real and I feel like I’m not anxious or worried over the thoughts. I had stabbing thoughts about someone I care about and I started deliberately imagining them to test myself to see if I hate it or not but instead it felt like I knew how it feels to stab someone and like the feeling of doing that physical action and I swear it is the worst thing I have ever experienced as well I had moments where it felt like It was about to happen or I keep getting this really sick ‘happy’ feeling that I want to do that and I don’t know what that is but it feels incredibly real almost like I was getting a happy feeling or wanted to do that thing and jsut wasn’t giving into it and now I’m thinking I’m actually evil and it feels like I get a pleasurable feeling over the thought of doing that and would want to do it?? Because I ‘like’ the feeling of doing it or it would ‘feel’ good I swear I really don’t know what to do it feels incredibly real I feel like I can’t even say that I’m worried or scared because I feel like I’m lying and actually want it and have evil desires I’m really concerned, I have never done anything bad in my life, I feel like what if through experimenting and imagining the thoughts to test myself I have suddenly discovered I like it because it feels extremely real that I would ‘enjoy’ or like Doing that evil thing and it’s really concerning, i don’t understand I was fine a few days ago and suddenly I’m experiencing this? Is it possible to suddenly become evil i don’t want to be evil, but what if i like it and my desire to not be evil isn’t as strong as this ‘happy feeling’ i wish I can be normal I don’t want any of this please but I swear I feel like there is something wrong with me, I think this is the worst I’ve ever felt, like it feels like I want it and would enjoy it and it’s making me feel really worried but at the same time I don’t even know if I’m worried please help I need advice
Hey so a couple months ago (7-8) I remember being upset at my family member. Like she was talking too much while I was annoyed and remember wanting her to be quiet. I got an intrusive thought like a really bad image of doing something really bad to her, and my hand twitched to the side a little? Like it felt like I was about to?! And I remembered thinking "if I do this, I'll get in trouble". I got up and left to the bathroom and felt horrified! I was thinking "did I want to act out? Did the only reason I didn't act out was because of getting in trouble? If there was no consequences, would have I done it?! Does this mean this whole time I've been using OCD as an excuse?" I remember I couldn't sleep for 3 nights because of how bad the anxiety was, I was crying and I felt very guilty like I should turn myself in to a mental hospital. I couldn't eat for many days or be near her because of that thought and twitch I had! I'm worried it was an impulse or I actually wanted to hurt her. And even to this day I still ruminanate about this. Like last night I couldn't sleep well I kept waking up every two hours and asking myself "am I capable?" I couldn't eat last night. Sometimes I move on from it like I forget that happened but when I remember, I feel distressed about it! I don't want to be an evil person or do bad actions towards anyone! I'm even scared to be angry because of this because I'm scared I have more "chance" of acting out due to anger. Like was it an impulse and I held back? Is this even OCD? Please help, I'm really scared!
i’m back in a cycle of having harm related OCD thoughts and feelings and urges and i get these episodes where it’s like i’m disassociating and feel like i’m about to snap and go crazy violent. does anyone else experience this? i need help
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