fear of loved ones having done bad things in past

Thanks for your thoughtful answer, i really appreciated your insight. You're overall right, but I can't adopt this mindset, I really can't. For the first question, it depends, because my moral scrupolosity is connected to pocd, aside for some contexts, certain mistakes are not tolerable and you should be accountable for life, especially me because i cannot tolerate those things. So my untolerance in regards to moral scrupolosity is focused on that theme. I'm just surviving because of the hope that it is ocd or that i'm overestimating things that happened or remembering wrongly, or that it was not my fault depending on certain circumstances. It's the uncertainty that's keeping me alive. I pray that all those triggering episodes that happened to me were influenced by ocd and not me because I cannot tolerate the fact that I could felt attraction. I don't consider myself a good person. I don't think I deserve to be loved or to have a partner because of the stains I have after ocd and before in my past, real event ocd, when I was a kid and i was immature and there are things that i thought that currently disturb me and I cannot rationalise, and im still trying to compulsively "solve". I do have excessive moral scrupolosity to the point that my friends make fun of me, they poke fun of me having big morals. Like recently i stayed outside of a strip club while my friends entered because I didnt like the idea of women being exploited in that field of work, and I was made fun of. For what happened to you, I'm very sorry, I can't judge you at all for something like that, no one does, you had all the right in the world and you were so young, and you choose to not be consumed by the anger. I think that person that tried to do that to you would have deserved to die. Also for some reason I don't like bad people regretting their actions because it humanises them. Certain actions like that are not mistakes, they are voluntary actions that they partake in, and are unforgivable. My point of the post was also that I love my mother and i consider her pure, she's very kind and empathetic and a good soul. I'm afraid of the doubt, I'm afraid that this intrusive doubt that is very probably false not real is going to make me see her differently and I don't want that. "But what if is true, it could be". That's what bothers me, I cannot tolerate it, and I'd hate it. I also would hate that I'm accusing a pure and guiltless person of something based on no evidence and only due the fear of my ocd. I love my mother, ocd is trying to ruin her. but im also scared because of the chance that it could randomly be true all along. i don't know what to do.

@Nameless000 I feel as you use yourself as the scale in which you judge others. You are the unit of measurement in which others are immoral/ moral. I think for whatever mistakes you made, if you truly found a way to forgive yourself you may be more forgiving of others. Feel free to ignore all that if you don't think it applies. As for people not regretting and wishing death upon people, does that not sound immoral? To deny someone their healing and redemption? If everyone did that, everyone would go to hell. I do agree, the actions of some people are despicable and some things need to be done in order to protect, but having had ocd and not wishing that on the worst person in the world, I cannot condone death as a form of justice, its just a failure of society. That guy who groomed and attacked me, I'd be willing to sit down and have a coffee with him and try to find out what led him down that path. Then with that information out stuff in place to prevent others suffering what happened on all ends ever again. There was a Ted talk a few years back that I saw where a woman got on stage with her r*pist and they both shared what they have learned in order to prevent that happening to anyone else. I don't like what the man did, but I respect the hell out of both of them for what they did on that stage. That's justice to me. Now, people are not always at fault for going down a wrong path. Some people have unfortunate starts in life. A kid for example that gets given heroine at the age of 12, is not at fault that he became an addict as he didn't understand the situation. However, years later when an adult, if they Rob someone to fuel that addict, they are still responsible for their actions. This goes for people with ocd, ptsd and whatever other coping mechanisms people can't help adopting. We aren't all at fault for the way we are, but we are to be held responsible for our actions. My father was in gangs when he was younger, my grandmother hated him from birth. He was caned every day at school and the first bit of praise he ever got was for beating up a bully. He made a habit of it. He got involved with other messed up people and his best friend got done for murder. My dad did some pretty shitty things too but not like that. He ended up homeless and everything. If he did not try to become a better person, he wouldn't have done so. Everyone else he knew that was homeless are now dead and who knows what their stories were 🤷‍♂️. He met my mother and I'm here because he turned his life around. People deserve chances for redemption. Everyone does, in one form or another. My father is the wisest and one of the kindest men I've ever known in my life. I cherish him because of his understanding of ambiguous morality. He would help anyone. He may have been a Hells Angel, but to me he's just an angel, a heavily tattooed one. As for you not knowing what to do. See an ocd specialist therapist. It helped me in ways I couldn't even fathom before I started. I did stuff to help people before because of my moral scrupulousity but it felt as if I had a gun to my head and my ocd was not trusting me to do the right thing no matter what I told it. Now I do stuff because I choose to, not because I'm forced to by a fear based brain disorder. I find I've been of greater help to those around me too because of it.

@Wolfram thank you man, i do agree that you're father is a good person. I hope you keep rocking