- Date posted
- 30w
I've been feeling heartbroken, sincerely sad
How is it that one's very own family members who are college educated people who should truly know who I am inside, the care and love that is within my heart and soul and the decent content of my character, who should trust in me, remain loyal to me, be a support system on my side in general with life, believe in narcissist lies that my manipulative ex spouse feeds twists in their heads about me to defame Me in their eyes and gang them all against me through horrible, alienating triangulation in order for he to feel in control, which somehow he seems to gain, how is it that they aren't able to see through this as he not being genuine or true, but instead is completely self centered and so subtlely manipulative that they don't even understand or realize it's happening to them, that it's true INSTEAD of believing in me, their own flesh and blood whom they aught to give the benefit of the doubt to and remain loyal to to me, their sister, and their mother, as he does this to our children to target and alienate me. When this continues to happen time and time again, I continually show to them absolute blatant, in their faces, undeniable proof of his true intentions, facts about behaviors of covert narcissism, proof of his discrepancies, and gaslight manipulative lies, yet they still SOMEHOW seem to thrown everything back onto me in some sadistic twisted crazy way, as if it is somehow my fault and brought on by something I must be doing or have done, which makes absolutely zero rational sense. This frustrates me beyond describability, they can't understand that my reaction is merely an understandable, to be scientifically expected under the circumstances of the way in which they are completely dismissing all the logic and substantial proof I provide of all of these happenings in tangible, sense making obvious ways, as to THE "REASONS", that they all dismiss AS ", EXCUSES" and tell me that "I'm Crazy and must be on Drug induces frenzy, or that " I'm Manic" !???¿ Wow!! I will defend myself until I'm blue in the face and HEARD AND UNDERSTOOD, AND GIVEN THE RESPECT THAT I DEFINITELY DESERVE AND TIL THEY DISCONTINUE FELLING AS IF I DESERVE ANYTHING LESS, TIL THEY STOP DISMISSING THE FACTS AND REALIZE THE WRONGNESS OF THEIR DISLOYALTY, OF SIDING WITH THE ONE PERSON WHO DESIRES TO MAKE MY LIFE MISERABLE AND FOR ME TO SUFFER BY TURNING THOSE WHOM I LOVE AND NEED THE SUPPORT OF, MOST IN THIS WORLD, FOR HIS OWN NEED TO FEED HIS EGO AND DESIRE TO FEEL POWER IN THE CONTROL HE GAINS THROUGH HIS MASTER MANIPULATIVE WAYS TO COME BETWEEN THE BOND OF MOTHER AND CHILD, AND FAMILY BELONGING IN ORDER TO MAKE ME FEEL AS MISERABLE AS HE DOES WITHIN HIS OWN MIND, HEART, HEAD, SOUL, THAT I CANT SEEM TO GET THROUGH TO THEM THE REALITY OF , and IT FRUSTRATES ME EVEN FURTHER THAT, YES, HE SEEMS TO SUCCEED IN HIS EFFORT TO DO SO !!! HOW CAN I MAKE THEM SEE THROUGH HIS DECEIPTFUL MANIPULATIVE WAYS, AND UNDERSTAND THAT MY REACTION OF BECOMING UPSET OR GREAT DISAPPOINTMENT IS A NATURAL RESPONSE TO THE WAY I FEEL WO HURT AND BETRAYED THAT THEY BELIEVE HIS BULLSHIT AND FALL FOR IT, BELIEVING THAT HE IS MR WONDERFUL AND INNOCENT, AND THAT IM JUST A NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY LOSER OF A MIXED UP UNTRUSTWORTHY HOT MESS, WHEN THERE'S NOTHING, HONESTLY, THAT I HAVE EVER DONE TO ANYONE OF THEM PERSONALLY OR THAT THEY'VE EVER WITNESSED FOR THEM TO EVER DEVELOP THOSE NEGATIVE FEELINGS ABOUT ME IN ORDER FOR THEM TO EVER FEEL VALID IN BELIEVING OR FEELING SUCH CRAP ABOUT THE PERSON I AM OR OF ANYTHING ID EVER BE CAPABLE OF BEING LIKE, BECAUSE ITS THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF MY NATURE AND INTEGRITY. IM SO FRUSTRATED I COULD SPIT TACS, ESPECIALLY IN HOW EASILY THEY'RE FOOLED, THEY'VE COMPLETELY TURNED THEIR BACKS ON ME AND THAT HE JUST GETS AWAY WITH IT, AND THAT THEY REFUSE TO LISTEN EVEN WHEN I SHOW TO THEM ALL OUT PROOF, I FEEL LIKE IM IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE, EVERYTHING I SAY FALLS ON COMPLETELY DEAF EARS, AND SO SAD OF THE SICKENING SAD AMOUNT OF QUALITY NEVER TO GET BACK PRECIOUS TIME THATS BEEN WASTED SO SHAMEFULLY WHILE HE IS ENJOYING LIVING MY LIFE WITH MY FAMILY, AND HAS TAKEN SO MUCH TIME THAT CAN NEVER BE GOTTEN BACK EVER WITH MY CHILDREN AND NOW EVEN MY FIRST GRANDCHILD A BEAUTIFUL INNOCENT GRANDSON WHO I HAVE ANTICIPATED MY ENTIRE LIFETIME TO LOVE WHOM KY HEART IS NURSING AT THE SEEMS WITH ABUNDANCE OF. LOVE TO SHARE WITH HIM, WHO JUST TURNED ONE , WHOM I'VE ONLY BEEN ALLOWED TO SEE AND HOLD HIM ON ONLY TWO OCCASIONS, AND KEPT FROM EXPERIENCING EVERY SINGLE ONE OF HIS "FIRSTS" OF EVERY MILESTONE MOMENT A GRANDMOTHER SHOULD BE ABLE TO WITNESS A BE A PART OF, THAT BECAUSE MY EX SOLD OUR HOME OF 24 YEARS OF MEMORIES AND EQUAL INVESTMENT INTO WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE BY MEANS OF FORGERY, NOTARIZED BY HIS DIVORCE ATTORNEY TO HAVE WITNESSED ME SIGN KNOWING FULLY WELL WHO I AM AND THAT THE NOTARIZED SIGNATURE HE SWORE TO OF BEING MYSELF WHO SIGNED IT OF A SATISFACTION OF MARITAL LIEN IN WHICH I WAS NEVER GIVEN A DIME FROM THE PROCEEDS OF ITS SALE IN WHICH I KNEW NOTHING ABOUT AND HAD NO PART IN, THAT MY EX SWORE ON OATH TO THE DISTRICT FAMILY COURT THAT HE HAD PAID ME MY HALF BUT IN FACT NEVER DID, THAT ONCE HE SOLD OUR EQUALLY OWNED MARITAL HOME, HE THEN, MOVED INTO OUR YOUNGEST DAUGHTER'S HOUSE THAT SHE HAD BOUGHT ON HER OWN JUST PRIOR TO GETTING MARRIED, IN WHICH TO ENSURE THE CONTINUOUS CONTROL OVER HIS PARENT ALIENATION BRAIN WASHING OF OUR DAUGHTER TARGETING ME, TO ALSO ENSURE HIS OPPORTUNITY TO POISON THE MIND AND THOUGHTS OF ME BY PLANTING HIS SEED OF DOUBT AND HATE WITHIN THE MIND AND THOUGHTS OF OUR NEW IMPRESSIONABLE SON IN LAW INTO DISLIKING ME SO THAT HE COULD THEN MANIPULATE THEM BOTH BY SINGING THEM AS TOOLS TO HURT ME IN THE ULTIMATE WAY HE KNEW HOW, TO CONVINCE THEM TO KEEP MY GRANDSON FROM RECEIVING THE LOVE OF ME, HIS LOVING GRANDMOTHER IN ORDER TO HURT ME THE DEEPEST WAY HE UNDERSTOOD POSSIBLE. THIS BREAKS MY HEART IN UNDESCRIBABLE WAYS, SO MUCH PRECIOUS TIME IM KEPT FROM EXPERIENCE THAT THROUGH THESE GOD CHOSEN GIFTS OF THE MANY BLESSINGS HE'S CHOSEN TO GIVE TO ME IN MY LIFE THAT HE MEANT FOR ME TO ENJOY AND FEEL LOVE AND BEING BLESSED BY AND THANKFUL FOR IN MU LIFE THAT AND WHO I SHOULD BE AND DESERVE TO ENJOY, HE CONTINUES TO BE ALLOWED TO DESTROY FOR ME.... THEN, WHEN I REACT BY CRYING, AND CONTINUING TO SHOW EVIDENCE OF HIS TRUE INTENTIONS AND TO PROVE MYSELF TO THEM IM JUDGED AS NEUROTIC, CRAZY, ON DRUGS, NUTS, LYING, LIVING IN THE PAST AND TOLD I SHOULD JUST LET IT GO AND MOVE ON, ... LIKE THAT IS EVER REALISTIC IN WHAT I'M PUT THROUGH, WITH THE WAY THIS MAKES ME FEEL, AS IF IM NOT ALLOWED FOR ANY OF THIS TO UPSET ME, .... IM SCREAMING INSIDE!!! I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO !!?? Everything I say or try, it never matters!?? What in the hell am I supposed to do ??! How in the F#&@ do they expect me to act?? I did licensed and Accredited childcare for 18 years, building my career around my kids so that they'd be present in my life every second of every single day, was their primary caregiver for nearly all their entire lives growing up, and now I don't even get to hear their voices or laughter, see them on holiday's or even get a phone call on Mother's Day or My birthday, or get ahold of them because they make themselves unavailable on their own birthdays to take a call from me or reply to a text. They are my whole life, more important to me than oxygen, My Purpose, how do they expect me to react to this or deal with it ?!! IT IS KILLING ME, AND I FEEL IS TAKING YEARS OFF OF MY LIFE !! HOW CAN I GET PAST THIS DEEP RAW ACHING EMPTINESS AND SADNESS?!! IT FEELS IMPOSSIBLE???? !!??!!!;