andrewt_

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 30w

Please help! Am I a monster? This has me suicidal

Ok so someone asked me to hold their bracelet and while I was reaching for it I was telling myself repeatedly that I was just reaching for the bracelet not a body part. I think I did this because in the past when someone asked for a hug I was like, what if my hand touches her breast? And at the last second the thought popped up again and I was afraid I did something evil on purpose so it traumatized me. Anyway, I was hyper focusing on the bracelet and I was forcing myself not to have the thought of touching a body part but at the last second when I took the bracelet I imagined myself touching a body part like I had an urge to think that for some reason and now I feel like a monster and my mind is telling me it’s because I was secretly trying to do an inappropriate touch at the last second! Almost like that was me acting on it! Not sure how that’s possible though considering that area is far away from where they were holding the bracelet but I don’t know it feels so real!!! I have a fear of harming others I do not walk near anyone idk who I am anymore.

Monii

Date posted: 30w

No at all the fact you have fear it tell me that you are a very sweet kind person and will never do that

andrewt_

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 30w

@Monii Thank you so much ❤️ I just feel bad for imagining it but I know OCD comes with urges so maybe that’s what it was

Monii

Date posted: 30w

@andrewt_ I suffered from harm in the past I know exactly how it feel I had all of those thoughts as well with urges which made me felt like I was really that person but I wasn’t just ocd I know is so hard it will get better

andrewt_

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 30w

@Monii Thank you so much that really does help to hear, I appreciate it ❤️❤️

Monii

Date posted: 30w

@Amonymos Yes exactly like that I perfectly understand I used to avoid being around people because I used to get thoughts of doing bad things to them and I used to cry because I also had the urge which is part of ocd with erp it get better I haven’t suffered from harm since 2022 I get the thoughts here and there but no longer cause me anxiety or discomfort

Monii

Date posted: 30w

@andrewt_ Your welcome I m here if anyone ever want to talk I know what it feel like and I was always venting on this app still do with health ocd and people always help me here I m happy to help back :)

Monii

Date posted: 30w

@Amonymos The worry is part of ocd is hard because we really think this worry is from us but is part of ocd yes I had those and I never want to do that just ramdom thoughts it took time I did erp my self because I can’t afford it honestly and it started like Jan 2022 the whole years I was suffering I think it was around jun 2022 when I started facing my thoughts and like 8 months later I believe I got the thoughts and they didn’t affect me anymore I was also scared like does this mean I m bad person because I m no getting anxious anymore but those thoughts are also part of ocd too keep you stop so I also did erp with those thoughts and I m all good now haven’t had harm episode since 2022.

Monii

Date posted: 30w

@Amonymos Yes I did get those about doing that too my bf and I used to locked my self in the room but every time I use to see him the thoughts used to get so strong and urges so hard it was hell

Monii

Date posted: 30w

@Amonymos Yes false memory ocd I also struggled with that but other theme of ocd don’t look stuff up I know is hard but resist don’t do it I did it by letting the thought be there the anxiety the fear the urge. Be there exposing myself being around people specially my bf he was the one I used to get more harm thoughts about for example when time I used to see him I will get the thoughts the fear the anxiety urges I will get all this bad symptoms I sit there I didn’t try to scape the feelings or go home which that’s what my ocd used to tell me to go home and don’t be around anyone in case I do something bad to them lier ocd with the months I stop getting the anxiety urges fear and discomfort attached to this though I get here here and there even with other people for example I got one the other day while I was at the post office I observed it I was like yup ocd again I didn’t got no discomfort or anxiety back in 2022 this will ruin my days I used to ruminated all day about it

Monii

Date posted: 30w

@Amonymos I think that’s also part of ocd honestly a bad person that do this things don’t worry about it doesn’t care about it you care you worry about it you are scared of the thoughts you are no that person is OCD lying to you arounsed mean ocd just like the urges yes I stop avoiding things for example my ocd used to tell me to hide knife and stuff like that I stopped doing that as part of therapy I never did anything wrong to anyone here I m no longer suffering from harm I know how hard it is because I struggle with health ocd terrible but I used to think the same with harm and now for me is whatever with harm any harm thoughts are welcome in I give them a hug and moved on with my days without anxiety or fears no urges no anything

andrewt_

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 30w

@Monii That means so much to me, truly! I appreciate your kindness ❤️

Oldteacher123

Date posted: 30w

I sold my townhome in NY and moved to Florida. It will be three years in July. I made a mistake and often think about how I miss it. My son left Florida and moved to an apartment in NY. How can I stop obsessing about my mistake? How can I stop obsessing and move on?

Aphid123

Date posted: 23w

Is this even OCD?

Hey so a couple months ago (7-8) I remember being upset at my family member. Like she was talking too much while I was annoyed and remember wanting her to be quiet. I got an intrusive thought like a really bad image of doing something really bad to her, and my hand twitched to the side a little? Like it felt like I was about to?! And I remembered thinking "if I do this, I'll get in trouble". I got up and left to the bathroom and felt horrified! I was thinking "did I want to act out? Did the only reason I didn't act out was because of getting in trouble? If there was no consequences, would have I done it?! Does this mean this whole time I've been using OCD as an excuse?" I remember I couldn't sleep for 3 nights because of how bad the anxiety was, I was crying and I felt very guilty like I should turn myself in to a mental hospital. I couldn't eat for many days or be near her because of that thought and twitch I had! I'm worried it was an impulse or I actually wanted to hurt her. And even to this day I still ruminanate about this. Like last night I couldn't sleep well I kept waking up every two hours and asking myself "am I capable?" I couldn't eat last night. Sometimes I move on from it like I forget that happened but when I remember, I feel distressed about it! I don't want to be an evil person or do bad actions towards anyone! I'm even scared to be angry because of this because I'm scared I have more "chance" of acting out due to anger. Like was it an impulse and I held back? Is this even OCD? Please help, I'm really scared!

Anony1314

Date posted: 21w

Is this truly an OCD episode? Just a mom trying

Just a little side note: I know this post has been made MANY times by me. However, I had a therapist respond to my post today saying that I need to reach out to my therapist on this because the context was not clear. This made me more stressed and ruminate more. It's not the therapist fault; but not I wonder if I'm really the monster. I'm a Christian mom who feels like I've ruined my life. My daughter was laying across me and every time I breathed a certain way I was getting a groinal sensation. I kept breathing like that anyways (ugh idk why), and then my mind told me I had hurt her that I might as well do something else because what's more. So idk why or what overcame me other than the thought of doing it and causing another feeling (I literally had to question what to do during this and the only thing I could come up with was to move my elbow) but it came across my mind to elbow her, and I elbowed her crotch or side area. Which caused another groinal sensation. Then I began FREAKING smooth out. Then I've been stressing since. I feel like as a mom I don't deserve to be hers anymore. Idk what overcame me. PLEASE tell me if I am a monster. I was doing SO well! Is this really OCD?

POCD

Anony1314

Date posted: 18w

On the struggle bus

Struggling. My mind/OCD told me I had already abused my child by breathing when they were laying across me and that I might as well do something else to hurt them. I had to think for a second, but the only thing that came to mind was to move my elbow towards their groin area to cause a "feeling". Well I did just that, and I ended up grazing their groinal area and it caused a disgusting unwanted feeling. I IMMEDIATELY wanted to throw up and panicked. I also asked my child to move off of me immediately. It went against my morals, beliefs, and values as an individual and mother. I can't stop thinking about it and it's very debilitating. I didn't enjoy a single moment of it. But my question to you guys is am the monster that I've always been scared of being? Do I belong in the ground? Do I deserve to have a wonderful life and wonderful, perfect child?

POCD

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Please help! Am I a monster? This has me suicidal

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