every day is so agonizing and my head always feels heavy. my worst compulsion has been with me for years. i cant stop blowing my nose and when i do the compulsions with blowing my nose it never feels right so i keep doing them. idk how much more i can take and i’m suffering every day
it’s gotten to the point where i blow so much my ears pop and the other day my nose bled
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@nar370 i’ve tried doing that and holding out but the urge never goes away. it’s so stupid but when i perform the compulsion i never do it right and it feels like it doesn’t count so i have to just keep doing it. the compulsions and obsessions with nose blowing started in high school and now i’m a senior in college and it still is with me
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@nar370 it’s just so so hard. i feel like i can never live a normal life and all i ever think about 24/7 is how i have to blow my nose until it feels right but it never does!! i am so sick and tired of it
years ago when it first started i remember blowing my nose for an hour straight. pretty sure i’ve ruined my nose and breathing
Have you tried ERP?
@Crook yes, every day
these things are what we call "compulsions" thats the "C" of OCD.... a compulsion only comes do to the "O" of OCD which stands for Obsession (in other words a "fear") so it always starts with a fear of something, and then we are compelled to do an action to protect ourselves from that "Fear"/bad thing from happening.... everything you described are compulsions that you feel the need to do bec. you are afraid of something, but you havent explained what you are afraid of.... if you dont mind sharing that "fear" then maybe i could be of help.
@the phycologist i feel like if i don’t do it then i will be stuck and can never be “normal”. if that makes sense
@the phycologist it’s more of “just right” ocd and i have to do it until it feels right but it never does :(
@emv1888 - i hear you....yes it does make sense, and maybe your right. but you have to understand , that right now by doing this "your not (being) normal" im not at all ever ever trying to make fun of you! never! im trying to just tell you that if your entire "fear" is.... that you'll be stuck and "not normal" then blowing your nose very often is the exact opposite of "normal".... lets put it this way.... if you where to want to make sure that your normal, then you have one of two options, 1. dont blow your nose [but then maybe you right, that something bad will happen and you'll be stuck and "not normal"], but thats "maybe".... that is option 1 2. blow your nose.... now your 100% fissure not normal and suffering! so what would you rather.... 100% not normal or "maybe not be normal" if you realize im not invalidating your thought that "maybe you will be stuck and not normal", im in fact agreeing with you that maybe your right.... but again thats only a maybe....blowing your nose all day is FISURE not normal (and im sure it is tortures) ! so you tell me... what would you rather?
@the phycologist okay this is going to make me sound insane. but i feel like i have to do the compulsion one more time. just once more. but even if i do it where i’m living now it won’t count because the neighbors smoke in their side of the duplex and some of the smoke smell has seeped into our side because i smelled it near the doorway before and now if i do the compulsion where i blow and scrunch my nose a certain way it won’t count. but even if i move houses everything in my room feels like it is infected and dirty because of the smoke. i feel like in order to do the compulsion for it to count i have to get rid of everything and start completely fresh but i know that sounds crazy and i can’t just move places and not bring anything with me
@emv1888 - no it doesnt sound insane, it sound like OCD. let me ask you.... did you understand the message i was trying to relay to you in the previous comment i left...if no its ok i can try and reiterate.... i think if you really took the time to try and think of what im telling you that it can help.... also do you see/ have a therapist that helps you through this?
@the phycologist i guess i kind of understood what you are trying to say. my head just ignores it though. it’s constantly obsessed with me needing to perform this compulsion
@the phycologist i have a psychiatrist but haven’t been able to find any ocd therapists near me. don’t think seeing a therapies will do anything though. not like they can get rid of the thoughts and compulsions
@emv1888 - please get back to me i would love try and help you.... dont give up by saying no one can help you from intrusive thoughts....its not true i know many cases of people who are healed and ive been involved in quite afew
@the phycologist it just makes me so mad because a year ago i was in such a good place, the best place i’ve ever been and i was living life to the fullest. now everything is ruined because i gave into the compulsions and now i cant stop
@emv1888 - you can stop...we just got to rewind and bring you back to that happy place.... and im telling you that that is possible, you just have to listen to what im telling you
@the phycologist i blew so much within the last hour and now i’m bleeding 😞
@emv1888 - that is so saddening to hear :( i really wis i was there to help you
some days I wake up with so much dread and guilt. It makes it so hard to keep going. I open my eyes and I’m hit with a wave of nausea and terror. I feel ashamed of my compulsions and my OCD. I feel like a monster for my checking compulsions. For momentarily sexualizing things that shouldn’t be sexualized out of anxiety. I’m ashamed of a lot that I give into because of anxiety. Confessing things that are meaningless to my boyfriend. I feel so awful and unworthy of existing and of love. I feel hopeless I don’t want to keep pushing, the more I push the more meta my OCD becomes and the more guilt I feel for this mental illness. The more confusing it becomes to do ERP. If compulsions are a choice, they feel like life or death and it’s driving me insane, I beat myself up so badly over them I’m scared of compulsions, I’m scared of thoughts, I’m scared to be awake, I’m even scared of sleeping because my intrusions and compulsions haunt me there too. I spend my dreams trying to explain or justify my OCD and compulsions to people. I’m exhausted, I want this to stop so badly. My severe OCD isn’t feeling any less severe and it’s been months. I don’t want to keep questioning my every move but I’m so hyperaware of everything I do. I’m so tired. Some days I don’t even have tears to cry with. I’m just so full of despair and shame
This isn't forever, and I'm trying to stay positive, but I'm so uncomfortable in my own body. I can't stop hyperfocusing on every little sensation I experience, especially when I have intrusive thoughts. I can't stop holding my my breath or tensing up when I experience them. I know it's a compulsion, but I genuinely feel so unsettled. The physical sensations of anxiety aren't really there. Like, I'm not nauseous, but I just feel... off. I hate my mind, I hate these thoughts. Like, I wish OCD didn't attack every single thing in my life. I'm feeling really gross right now. I haven't been able to cry in so, so long. It's probably due to my meds, but I miss having that emotional release... Just a mini vent. I've been really struggling against the urges to confess/seek reassurance. One more week until my next psychiatrist appointment, but I'm just really frustrated with my brain right now.
Lately I have been having really really bad existential ocd the thoughts and compulsions never stop they are even in my dreams I resist compulsions as long as I can but I just want this to go away I keep thinking about how many hours in a day people would have if they weren’t like me I just feel so awful every second I feel like I’m living a double life I only know about I just want this to all go away
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