I’m sorry for repeatedly posting guys. I’m losing my head daily I know I’m annoying. I feel like I can’t function any more

I think I know why I am the way I am I was left without warning immediately after a holiday once (I was with the guy for ten years, im 27 now) and then I ended up with a slightly emotionally abusive guy like two months later because I couldn’t be alone I’ve since been messes about with with other dickheads. Now I’m with an AMAZING giy I really want to stay with because he treats me so well, everything feels like a threat. I don’t feel good enough. Also his narc ex is still around as they own a business and dogs. She caused issues until only a few months ago. She cheated on him before I even knew him, then when he met me she made him pretend they were still together so her family wouldn’t be upset with her. She was violent to him and kept trying to contact me too, even showed up at the house a few times. We had to sneak around as a result so I always feel like a bit off but I really love him I just want my mind to be quiet and her to fuck off lol

@?uwotm8? Other guys messed me about* like giving mixed signals and then ghosting etc I mean

@?uwotm8? I’ve been there, my self esteem was nonexistent, my first boyfriend (I was 15, relationship lasted 2 years) was a drug addict who tried to kidnap me when I broke up with him, my next 2 boyfriends cheated on me, I dated a couple of douchebags, and then I met my now husband. I was so insecure when I first started dating him, checked his cellphone, emails, Facebook, and we fought a lot because I was so scared of being cheated on again, we even broke up for almost 2 years. I was such a mess, cried for months, until I went to a psychologist who really helped me with my confidence issues, I learned to love myself and was really happy for the first time in a long while. I accepted the fact that it wasnt my fault that they left/cheated on me, it’s THEIR fault. I got back with my last ex, and now we’re happily married, (at least until relationship ocd decides to make a comeback lol) but we wouldn’t be here now, if I hadn’t had the help of my therapist. It’s not your fault that he left you, and it’s not your fault that your current boyfriend has a crazy ex girlfriend. You deserve to be loved, we’re not bad people, we’re just dealing with a mental illness, but we’re worthy of love and happiness. Don’t let the past ruin your present or your future.

@Tqh Yeah I just don’t buy it lol I expect to be dumped immediately with no warning every single day, because I didn’t expect it when my “childhood sweetheart” left me cuz he “didn’t love me anymore” so I know it’s possible! I look for signs everywhere because I was absolutely dumbfounded when I saw none the first time

I just feel beyond help now. I’m irritating people in my life, my family my friends, my partner, other people online with ocd have even said they’ve tried to help me and I am not taking it in, staff at the clinic keep getting annoyed with me for obsessively testing for STDs, the doctor didn’t give anfuck the other day either, sexual health helpline hung up on me twice last week, I just feel beyond help I don’t feel good about myself, I’m lost, I feel like I’m going crazy and I’ll never be myself again. All because I had physical symptoms 6 months ago and my anxiety and abandonment issues made my ocd tell me “what if it’s STDs and he thinks you cheated and leaves”

Work keeps threatening me with disciplinaries too as I’m not coping well, I have no holiday days or sick days left, people at work keep giving me work I can’t get my head around and someone just gave me paperwork with a big blood stain on it

@?uwotm8? Yes, you're not annoying but having OCD on someone could be annoying to others but they aren't considerate.

@Itz And people with mental illness have rights to help them, if you're comfortable with your boss knowing about it maybe it'll help

@Itz She does know, when she asks what would help me and I tell her “put me on less stressful tasks” she says “we don’t get to pick what we do”

@?uwotm8? Can't they at least make it easier? I have cleaning OCD and I work in a warehouse that is disgusting, my boss allows me to use gloves, face mask and they pay for it.

I’m waiting for a referral at the moment

@?uwotm8? Well In the meantime I find chatting here really helps so don’t feel like you’re annoying at all. You can post here as many times a day as you like.

@freedomprojectgina I just feel completely shut down I’m miserable and can’t imagine ever feeling better again . I don’t deserve my partner and he’s gonna leave me for being so fucking pathetic

@?uwotm8? I feel the same as you right now but just know that you are not alone . It’s all your ocd and once you start getting your therapy it will start to lift. Maybe follow up on your pending referral . Taking action will help you relax a little bit.