Rocd…still

I feel like I should give some context. So a year ago, I went though a two week thing of what I can only describe is some sort of psychosis. I convinced myself god told me I was going to die. I couldn’t sleep. And I even had my aunt take me to the er. I think this stems from the amount of loss I’ve witnessed. When I was 15, my dad died, 4 months after that my cousins. A year after that, my grandmother committed suicide. For the longest time I had the worse health anxiety…that is, until I met my current bf. Before, I’d be in relationships where I’d have to worry about my partner, because they’d be so consumed in their own problems. I never got to actually focus on myself. I’ve never been in a long term HEALTHY relationship. I used to have driving anxiety, but my boyfriend pushed me to get a car, and I’m now driving. Something I never thought I’d be able to do. My boyfriend pushes me in way and holds me accountable. Something no men has done before..not since my father was alive. I’ve come to the realization my brain is on the defense because I’m being held accountable to do better, which is why for the last month, it’s like I’ve been in a fight or flight mode. My thoughts just keep saying “leave”. No logical reasoning behind it. I’m very religious, and my boyfriend shares the same beliefs as me, something rare now a days. I’m just exhausted of these constant thoughts. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. But I’ve just been feeling hopelessness, and I won’t stop feeling these constant thoughts

11:11

Date posted: 28w

So much trauma....think about what you've been through and the loss....thats alot to deal with ..Maybe you are scared to lose something good so your brain is trying to push him away because you feel safe? Sometimes safe feels scarier than unhealthy relationships because it's something new and breaking an old pattern

Ladybruh

Date posted: 28w

@11:11 I believe that something in me is hardwired to settle for the bare minimum. Which is why my body gets uncomfortable. I was totally ok for the past 9 months, it just started happening this month out of no where

Ladybruh

Date posted: 28w

I just want to have someone to talk to…some days I feel alone and crazy

kissesera

Date posted: 28w

I just wanna say you are not crazy at all! I’m so sorry you have to experience this, coming from someone who also felt a similar way once upon a time it’s extremely draining and it makes you feel so exhausted. As hard as it sounds sometimes you just have to let the thoughts past and remember that the love you and your boyfriend have for one another is bigger than your OCD. I pray and hope that everything works out for you and it’ll all be more than okay. Just take it one step at a time 🫶🏾

Ladybruh

Date posted: 28w

@kissesera Thank you 🙏

Brenda ❤️

Date posted: 28w

How did you deal not to feel that healthy anxiety. My healthy anxiety is bad right now. Like at first I am scared I am going to have a heart attack that’s my fear and I learned to make it go away now I have this feeling behind my throat and it’s driving me more crazy I am literally thinking about going to the ER if I can’t calm down.

Ladybruh

Date posted: 28w

@Brenda ❤️ I just suffered through. I’m very religious, so I leaned onto god. But I also reminded myself of the facts. Terminal illnesses don’t hide and seek from blood tests. Maybe I should take my own advice.

isabella123456

Date posted: 16w

Rocd

Im scared that if I start to think it too much, I will start to believe it, and it becomes my reality. I always have thoughts like, “Do I love him, what if I lose feelings, how longs is this going to last, when will these thoughts finally go away, is he the one for me, is this how love feels like or am I just convincing myself?” I start to search things up to make myself feel better but the longest that works for is a few hours and then that gut wrenching feeling comes back. I love him I’m sure of it, but then why do I feel like this? I know if I didn’t love someone I would let them go and would t even fight for it or try to get better, but for him I’m trying ever second of everyday and sometimes I just feel so hopeless. I can’t afford a therapist and I’m too busy to talk to one. I don’t know what to do or how to feel, sometimes I just feel numb and I hate it, sometimes I feel like crying but can’t, and most the time I don’t feel jealous anymore and that scares me because I’m a jealous person. Then I get thoughts and reminders of my ex. Not in a way that I like them but the hatred and the trauma and pain they left me with. The mental, verbal and physical abuse. Sometimes my current relationship reminds me of him and why I shouldn’t be in one because I always fall into this deep hole that feels impossible to get out of. I just get so scared.

lulu2

Date posted: 11w

Relationship OCD - PLEASE HELP

Hey guys, I’m reaching out in a pretty weak spot of desperation. I feel so insane and so sick of my mind recently, I’m completely drained from my mind. I’ve had such bad spikes of RCOD in my relationship of 1.5 years , which kills me because I truly want nothing more than to just be his peace and for us to work out. I love him more than anything and I would do anything for him. I feel like the pressure I placed on making sure I was “perfect” was so counter productive becuase instead I find myself doing everything wrong. I tell myself not to think of the wrong thing, then I think of the wrong thing, then I feel so guilty, and it plagues my mind for days. I feel so guilty it makes me feel detached and like I’m a bad girlfriend. I feel so bad for always burdening him with my anxieties and my “wrong thoughts” becuase he doesn’t deserve it, he’s so amazing. Recently, I began overthinking if I “love him” which I KNOW is so silly because when I’m calm, I laugh that I even got so worried , but when my anxiety creeps in, it feels so debilitating. I spiral and then try to prove to myself that I do love him , which then makes things in that moment feel “forced” because I’m acting out of intent to win the battle in my head. My RCOD has been a persistent issue, but this particular theme is pretty new and I hate it. I feel like I’ve been placing pressure on myself to overly appreciate him and it’s so counterproductive. I feel so bad because I told him about everything and he now thinks I don’t love him. Which is so wrong. I just want this to be fixed. Sometimes I feel like he’d be better off with a girl that isn’t such a headache and wouldn’t drain him all of the time but at the same time , I could never accept him being with anyone but me. Also, I have seen a psychoglist but it just didn’t feel right and I hated vocalising my thoughts because I felt it gave them more power - it feels like the only person I can truly be raw with about this stuff is my bestfriend. If anyone has any tips , PLEASE help me.

Relationship OCD

cmax20

Date posted: 10w

ROCD

for a few days now I’ve been super anxious about my relationship. I’ve been anxious about it before but lately it’s been worse than normal. I’m in a very healthy and loving relationship, I love my boyfriend so much and he treats me so so well. The only thing is that I’ve been having scary thoughts that what if I’m lying to him and don’t actually love him? What if I don’t find him attractive? And like what if the only way to stop being anxious is to break up with him? I don’t want to leave him and I am so scared. I feel like I’m lying to him by not telling him what’s going on because he might think I’m actually going to leave him, which I’m really not going to. I have had anxiety since before we started dating and incestual and sexual ocd, then I got into a point where I started having religious ocd, and now I have ROCD on top of that I think. I’ve never been diagnosed but I’m going to therapy and figuring things out but I’m so scared. Idk what to do and I feel like if I talk to anyone they’re going to say I have to leave him.

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Rocd…still

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