- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 28w
Finding Hope in Recovery
For years, I didn’t realize my fears and habits were OCD—I just thought I was doing what I had to do to feel “safe.” But by my 30s, OCD had taken over my life in ways I couldn’t ignore. I struggled with emotional contamination, especially involving a family member. If she came to my house, I would obsessively clean the bathroom after she used it, scrub the furniture to remove her energy, and even let sunlight in to “cleanse” the space. I obsessively deleted her text messages because I feared they might “contaminate” my phone. I loved her, but my fears left me hyper-focused on staying “pure” and unable to enjoy time with her. It was painful to not be able to be present with my loved ones, but I couldn’t escape the cycle. When the pandemic hit, everything spiraled. The uncertainty and isolation pushed me to my breaking point. I hit rock bottom and knew I couldn’t keep living like this. I finally started therapy, and in 2022, I found NOCD and began ERP therapy. At first, the process felt overwhelming. My therapist, Michelle, was calm and supportive but also firm—she refused to let me stay stuck in the cycle of compulsions. One of my most difficult obsessions was linked to that same family member. Through ERP, I learned to confront the fears I’d avoided for so long. It took over a year of hard work, but eventually, I reached a point where I could sit with her in the car or go shopping without obsessing about “cleansing” afterward. I was finally able to enjoy my time with her before she passed away. I am forever grateful that ERP allowed me to do so. ERP was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it gave me my life back. I left an abusive relationship, started a career I love, and can now face uncertainty without fear controlling me. OCD doesn’t define me anymore. I want others to know that, while ERP is challenging, it’s worth it. You’re not alone, and recovery is possible.