- Date posted
- 28w
Fighting HARM OCD
So I have been fighting Harm ocd for some time now and everything as far as my Harm OCD has gotten a lot better. I was afraid of hurting my self or someone I loved just over a thought … Harm OCD ruined good job opportunities I’ve had and jobs I worked that I had to leave because of the thought I would have . I worked for a Roofing Company for 3 years.. during those 3 years I struggled with harm ocd on the roof. I’ve had thoughts of pushing people off when I seen them close to the edge of the flat roof. I’ve had thought in my head that told me that I needed to push them off to be able to get this fearful thought out of my head every single day once and for all. Thankfully I’ve never hurt anybody on the roof or my self . I also would have thoughts of jumping off the roof and killing my self almost every day at work a few times a day. I didn’t know why I had thoughts like this.. I constantly doubted and thought anything of it but it scared me so bad that I had to leave my job . The girl I was with questioned me a lot and I tried to explain it to her but was scared she would leave me … fast forward a bit.. I had another incident not to long later after leaving that job when me and my lady was laying together on my mothers couch. It was me and her together on the couch with her laying on my chest and my 2 twin brothers in the living room as well sleeping on the other couches. I was watching videos of people being interrogated about murders they have committed on YouTube. I was watching it to long apparently in my head that I started to have thoughts of hurting people . I had a pocket knife on my right side and had the thought of taking the knife out and repeatedly stabbing my girlfriend in the back while she was asleep on me then stabbing my brothers while they was asleep. It scared me so bad I jumped up and pushed her off of me and ran to the bathroom down the hall and locked the door behind me and opened the window and threw the knife out the window so I couldn’t hurt nobody . I then finally realized that I needed help.. I told my lady about it and started to talk to my family about what I have been thinking and the thoughts in my head that cause me to be scared to come around my friends and family’s .. It then started to get worse and I didn’t want to surround my self with knives , any type of pills , and guns. My OCD told me to hide all the knives and take them off tables and put them away so I don’t have the thought of hurting someone with it . I also had a hard time doing into federal places like Hospitals or court houses because of the Police officers carrying a pistol on them because I had the thought of taking there guns and shooting them with it and then later my self with it and who ever was around with it . Fast forward 10 months later I got a job that pays good and keeps me busy and I also have a passion for cars lately. I noticed that cars is ruining my relationship but it is just my thoughts and ocd because my lady reminds me that she understands why I try to keep my self busy with cars and watching cars. I constantly stress me self out about how to make money and ways to get money because I’m scared that I won’t be able to provide for my girlfriend and loved ones. Growing up I’ve had a very hard life, in and out of DCF Custody , DYS, programs and Foster homes. My mom lost custody of all her kids a few times and we was homeless for 9 years. I am only 20 years old and suffer from a lot of issues and also my trauma from a child and getting involved with gangs. I recently just found out that I’ve had a kid on the way and a lot of things have been relieved. Lastly I always had ocd and stress and anxiety about the fear of dying with out having any children and for some reason it was causing me to cheat alot and hope 1 day someone told me they was pregnant but I believe everything happens for a reason and that’s why I have a child on the way right now present! the best thing that helped me for the past few years are Keeping my self busy with things I like doing . I go to work from 10am-7:30pm everyday working keeping my mind busy . When I get home is when I start getting thoughts.. what I do to help with that is watch videos of cars and things to keep my mind busy. That has literally been my way of getting rid of these random thoughts and unwanting thoughts.. when I do receive these thoughts of Hurting my self or others I remind my self of the people I love and the kids in my family or even a goal that i have set that I did not get to finish yet. I tell my self that if I did not finish that goal then why am I having thoughts of me doing bad things to my self before I can even complete my goals in life !! It works for me every time I have an episode! Try this and let me know how it goes. I downloaded this app today to see people’s story’s for closure!