That fucking lump in my eye needs to be cut out now I’m gonna actually scream WHAT ELSE could POSSIBLY GO WRONG

Completely understand and feeling the same thing at the moment, people tell me “its psychosomatic” when I talk about stuff and it’s so frustrating cuz the aches, internal pressure etc feels so real, and I’m convinced it actually is real.. especially with textbook infectiony things like pee feels weird and is very frequent and random spotting and stuff ? I’m so sick of everyone saying I’m just a hypochondriac and not taking me seriously ? I feel so guilty and irresponsible for ignoring my symptoms on account of them maybe being just my OCD cuz I feel like I’m putting other people in danger then, especially my partner (I’m convinced I have some sexually transmitted infection even though I’ve been tested about a million times and everything was always fine) but idk what else to do.. Anyway, long story short I understand that exact frustration ❤️

@scolytus-scolytus Ohhhh my fucking god it’s like I wrote everything you just said! I’m not joking I LITERALLY think the same things as you. I’ve been having meltdown after meltdown over the exact scenarios you mentioned

@?uwotm8? It’s really hard... I caved today and booked ANOTHER appointment for a few weeks time. I feel guilty and scared because I don’t want to tell my partner cuz he’s already nearly left me before over my looking for health problems... He doesn’t understand the STI fear thing, he thinks it’s strange which is understandable... but at the same time I want to tell him about this appointment so it wont be so much of a surprise in case I get bad results this time for some reason.. I know for a fact if these come back as fine, it won’t take me long to start worrying again. There’s just no end to it. I should know better than to book another appointment, it’s not as if the other times I’ve been checked provided any relief for long :/ Sorry for ranting it’s just been a bad day and I feel like I should take the advice which I give you ?

@scolytus-scolytus You won’t get bad results!!! Honestly you’re in exactly the same position as me, and I know it’s hard to believe but it’s really hit home for me that it IS JUST OCD!! I went to two clinics the other week and they still cane back fine yet again, the fact we both keep getting the same results is the key point here- they aren’t gonna be different again and I’ve realised that myself now so I hope you will too The nurse I saw was really concerned for me and I’ve seen my old therapist since too. He confirmed its 100% ocd and gave me the best explanation ever in terms of why I can’t let it go and t would apply to you too You have a situation for example a public toilet (in my case) and you get a thought “what if I get an STD?” Your fear of abandonment clings to this and you appraise it and give it validation by checking at the clinic you’re still ok. When your results are ok yet again, you think you’re fine BECAUSE you checked, but you were always fine in the first place. The safety seeking behaviours make the fear seem like a reality and the cycle continues. He gave me an analogy: a man is throwing bits of paper out of the window on a train and the train conductor asks why he’s doing that. He replies “to keep the tigers away!” And the conductor says “but there aren’t any tigers?” The man says “exactly”. Basically, this is no different than any other intrusive thought, which took me so long to realise. I hope you’re okay friend ?

@scolytus-scolytus I’ll tell you what (because I KNOW how hard it is) why don’t you make a deal with me now- if you REALLY can’t function without checking once more, go to your appointment next week but get it in your head it’s the LAST time you’re gonna do it, lets make a pact never to check again then, because we both already have the confirmation and don’t need anymore, I don’t want my ocd getting worse and affecting my relationship and I don’t want that for you either. Let’s support each other and not check anymore!! I understand how it is xx

@scolytus-scolytus One last thing!! About the “feeling irresponsible for not checking symptoms are okay” and not some disease for fear of putting someone at risk - I had this EXACT conversation with my ocd therapist the other day too, he says it’s just when you’re a particularly sensitive person and you have this specific fear, it forces you to have inflated sense of responsibility and like nothing you do is ever enough - it’s not true!!! You’ve checked ! You ARE sensible, your ocd is telling you the same lies mine is, it’s no different to when someone turns off their oven and then they walk from the kitchen and their brain says “did you really turn it off though?”

Honestly it’s like you’re sharing my brain!!! My nurse last time said that it’s like I want to be diagnosed with something too!!! Get one last test (I got in my head it was the last one, also my doctor said if you have any more symptoms like burning wee or itching etc she said you really don’t need to test that again because we as doctors are happy to rule that out because that’s the entire point of having those tests done!!!) Get one more confirmation for yourself but before you go, promise it’s the last time and your ocd can do one, I told myself that and then saw my therapist and he reinforced it to me that it’s ocd too so it really did help even just one session

And for the love of god stop googling!!!! He told me that’s a compulsion too which feeds the cycle AND let’s you find out more usesless but scary info you didn’t even need to know which causes more issues