Help me please! I’m scared

Hello, I have something called sexual ocd (I’ve been diagnosed). I get images of me and this one guy doing sexual things and I get a groinal response from it. It makes me feel like I want to engage in sexual activity with him and it feels like I like it and that I’m attracted to him. But I have a boyfriend and it just makes me feel guilty and confused. I feel like I’m choosing the guy over my boyfriend. Please help, I need reassurance.

ArdenLives

Date posted: 44w

I’ve been right there with you! I get those thoughts too and I’m happily married. It used to make me feel so guilty! But my therapist recommended a book called Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. It doesn’t stop the thoughts, but that book is the best sex ed I’ve ever had! I learned that the part of my brain that responds to a sexual stimulus has no connection to the part of my brain that decides who I want to be with and who I love. Like, I have a very beautiful neighbor whose girlfriend is one of my best friends. Sometimes I see him and I get the same feeling you described. But now I know that’s just my brain identifying something sex-adjacent and letting me know it’s available. But another part of my brain chooses what to do with that info. It helped me stop hating myself for those thoughts. I’m new to my OCD diagnosis, so I’m still trying to figure it all out. But this little fact and the way she explains it in the book made me feel soooo much better!

Somewhereona...

Date posted: 44w

Thank you!! It just confuses me because I even get groinal responses when I get an image of him shirtless and him doing sexual things to me for example. Then when I try to picture me and my boyfriend doing stuff, then my body doesn’t react to it sexually like it does with the guy. Do you deal with the same thing?

Somewhereona...

Date posted: 44w

@ArdenLives Do you also get groinal responses and picture it to be another guy when you and your husband are intimate? Because that happens to me also.

ArdenLives

Date posted: 44w

@K2004@! Yes, I do. It’s really hard because I didn’t invite it. But I take comfort in knowing that the part of my brain that recognizes sexual things and causes the arousal doesn’t have anything to do with the part of the brain that deals with morality and love, etc. The brain does what it does, but we get to be in charge of how we respond to it. I’m literally in my first week at NOCD so I’m not very far in learning exposure and response. But I’m looking forward to learning. I’m just glad I read that book my therapist gave me. It helps take care of my worry about being a bad person. I’ve been married for nine years and even though I love him more than anything in the world, I don’t always get the same response I had all the time our first year. But we still have great sex. There’s a lot more to relationships than that feeling. But Emily Nagoski explains it a lot better than I can!

ArdenLives

Date posted: 44w

@ArdenLives Oh and yes, I’ve had intrusive thoughts during sex like that too. I’ve always chalked it up to ADHD but there’s a lot more for me to learn here. I’m also GenX and I’ve been around the block a few times. :) I know what I’ve got with my husband and there’s no crazy thought that’s ever going to make me question how much I love him. But when I was a lot younger and just trying to figure things out, it really did freak me out quite a bit. I wish I had gotten this kind of help a really long time ago! I imagine my life would’ve been very different.

ArdenLives

Date posted: 44w

@K2004@! I responded to myself by accident - in case you didn’t see the second one below.

Somewhereona...

Date posted: 44w

@ArdenLives - Thank you so much! I’m relieved🥹

ArdenLives

Date posted: 44w

@K2004@! Thank YOU!

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