LiaExe28

Date posted: 27w

I used to be a tomboy, worried I’m gay or trans?

I may have a new obsession. This feeling in my chest is weird idk it’s not the same anxiety. Context: I used to be a tomboy, way back in elementary, at one point I thought I was bigender cuz i did still like girly stuff, I dressed masculine to school cuz why not lol. Wore a beanie and hid my hair. I had short hair as well. My mom kinda brushed it off/ignored it. I kinda grew out of it idk why. In high school I dressed more feminine and I love being feminine. There were occasions of boredom where I’d dress more masculine (I’m bisexual so kinda makes sense?) but when I date men I’m very feminine. Like currently. I love being a little pretty princess After my ex and I broke up (he was a trans man) I was vaguely questioning if I wanted to dress more like him/bind like him. Kinda passed after a couple weeks. Got to uni. Didn’t think about it. Met my bf. Love him to death. Now I’m worried I’m A) suppressing being a lesbian, a masc one at that And/or B) suppressing being a trans man. I feel anxious now. Now I’m worried I’m gonna figure that out way later in life or smthn. I’m happy as a woman, I just dress masculine on occasion and you can barely tell it’s masculine. My brain correlates masculine to: bun, button down and jeans lol. Now I’m anxious. Now I’m worried if I fry an outfit like that on I’m gonna be excited and euphoric but I also feel excited and euphoric and when I dress feminine. I’m confused. Now I’m worried I only like my bf cuz of gender envy or smthn. God it doesn’t feel like ocd rn. I’m confused. I’ve never questioned it thag much before I’ve just done what I thought made sense in my brain. I dressed tomboyish cuz I mostly had guy friends. I did try binding by cutting leggings to make a binder lol. Idk. There’s evidence but it could’ve just been me being a kid? I changed my name for a bit cuz I wanted to see what it was like, I felt no different. But what if that was the wrong name. Or what if I suppressed it cuz I didn’t wanna be bullied. I’ve never felt like smtjn was wrong with me because I’m a girl. I know plenty of girls on TikTok have done the same. I’m worried I’m gonna change my name or smthn when I get older or I’ll be unhappy as a woman? The anxiety feels different. Am I figuring smtjn out. I don’t feel like crying. It doesn’t feel urgent. Idk. My heart is beating kinda quick

Cantal

Date posted: 27w

This OCD theme is one of the worst ones because it attacks your identity. Even people some transgender subreddits (Don’t go there) have said “If it doesn’t give you joy then you aren’t trans.” Now you’re gonna be questioning if it gives you joy, but it’s just truth. For me, I’ve always played female characters in games, written female characters in books and D&D games, etc - but I’ve never once even thought of being trans until I had a dissociative moment two days ago. It gives you anxiety, so it’s OCD. You aren’t trans, but you have to sit with your fear and learn to accept it. Be confident in how you were created, God doesn’t make mistakes.

LiaExe28

Date posted: 27w

@Cantal Thank you, ig that’s a good way to divvy it up, past stuff. I’ve always played camel characters and worn female clothing in game lol and I’ve never thought about it. I dress masculine on occasion but that’s all it is. On occasion. Like once in a blue moon. My brain took that and ran lol

Cantal

Date posted: 27w

@LiaExe28 I like all things pink, pretty, and cute sometimes. Am I feminine or gay? Absolutely not. It’s just OCD scaring us.

Cantal

Date posted: 26w

@Anonymous Thank you, anon. It was debilitating at first - but I went on a date with a woman and that snapped me out of it quick. I wish you the best too, my friend

KatKaatie

Date posted: 27w

hi! i have tocd and hocd and have had tocd on and off for the past year and hocd on and off for the past 2 years. one thing i can tell you is it will feel as real as the sky is blue. if you get a thought “what if im a lesbian” “what if im trans” say maybe maybe not and move on with your day. it’s gonna be SO hard but you can do it and im here for you if you need to talk

LiaExe28

Date posted: 27w

@Ksch24 Idk why this one started. I’ve never thought about my gender that much. So I’m just a little bit nervous now that i am a) trans and won’t be able to stay with my bf and or b) a lesbian and can’t stay with him. Idk if it feels real jt just feels confusing. Our anniversary is next week and I feel nothing and now I’m stressed and I’m worried I’m not happy or if I am happy am I the happiest I could be? We are different cultures and religions so that could be causing some anxiety but honestly not that much. It’s just the raising kids thing. But now I’m worried I’m gonna come out later. Idk. My chest is like tight and I’m on the verge of tears

LiaExe28

Date posted: 27w

@Ksch24 I experimented as a kid as most do but it didn’t stick for one reason or another. I love being a woman. I love dating men, tho I am bi so women are an option, I’ve just happened to fall for more men. I love my bf but do I love him enough

KatKaatie

Date posted: 27w

@LiaExe28 this is the exact reason both of my themes started over the fear that i will have to leave my boyfriend

KatKaatie

Date posted: 27w

@LiaExe28 we sound exactly the same i’m also bi and my hocd was the fear that i was strictly a lesbian. hocd will make you not have feelings for your boyfriend its all normal i promise you

LiaExe28

Date posted: 27w

@Ksch24 I’m just so tired. I’m a bit sick rn and my head hurts so not a great day to be feeling like this. I’m worried that I am actually in denial and I have a crush on a female friend who I used to like (i rhink? It didn’t feel like a normal crush for me) and I’m worried I still like her and if I see her I’m gonna have feelings for her. She kinda started this. I avoided her when I got home cuz I was worried I had feelings for her which is making me MORE worried that I’m in denial and that I like her and the fact we don’t talk often is also more evidence for me being in denial and only dating/wanting to marry and stay with my bf out of convenience or comphet not love. Idk anymore. I feel kinda hopeless. I barely slept last night

KatKaatie

Date posted: 27w

@LiaExe28 just accept the thoughts i promise it will help you tremendously

LiaExe28

Date posted: 27w

@Ksch24 How do I go about doing that? It’s a little iffy for me

KatKaatie

Date posted: 27w

@LiaExe28 when you get an intrusive thought like “what if i’m a lesbian” say maybe i am maybe im not or you could just be like yup i am! then it gives your brain nothing to attach to. don’t ruminate don’t do compulsions you got this

hayurin

Date posted: 26w

@Ksch24 how do you deal with it now?

hayurin

Date posted: 26w

damn i have the exact same issue, i feel like i don’t even love him anymore and i don’t know if it’s hocd, avoidant attachment or just my real feelings

Dreamydream

Date posted: 11w

Hey how ru now?

LiaExe28

Date posted: 11w

@Dreamydream Decent ish? Still battling honestly. Still worried about being a lesbian, less worried about being trans but still… worrying? ROCD still kinda rampant especially now that I’m away from my bf for the summer👍 but better than I used to be. Still trying to not give into compulsions but it’s hard. My brain keeps making up random scenarios of things ending, me coming out etc etc. but they’re not true. I do love my bf I know that. I can feel that when I’m not spiraling all that much. But my brain isn’t convinced. Sorry if that’s confusing or isn’t helpful :((( I wish you the best

Dreamydream

Date posted: 11w

Are you in therapy or practicing ERP?

LiaExe28

Date posted: 11w

@Dreamydream In IFS therapy more for trauma and I can see how it’s developed into ocd (constant turmoil at home, perfectionism, etc). I have an ERP book to look through and fill out on my own so I might start doing that as well. I can’t afford a second therapist at the moment and idk if I should switch yet

Dreamydream

Date posted: 11w

@LiaExe28 I don’t want to tell u what to do obvi idk your situation but i will say u should look into finding an ocd specialist and doing erp. I think it would of subsided a lot of ur thoughts by now

LiaExe28

Date posted: 11w

@Dreamydream Yeah I am thinking about it. The IFS has definitely opened my eyes to some patterns but I think the erp would do more for me. I might look into it again once I get back into school in September or probably the next couple weeks for an online one so I’m not therapy-less for the summer (my current therapist is in my uni city and only does in person therapy so not feasible for me to drive 3 hours to see her for a 1 hour session)

Dreamydream

Date posted: 11w

@LiaExe28 Yes I do online therapy/erp once a week for an hour. It’s helped with my other themes but this tocd and soocd are new for me the last few days and it’s kicking my ass. I’ve been in a hole about it

xoxoacid

Date posted: 19w

How do I get rid of these thoughts or calm down

I've been really overwhelmed with thoughts of detransitioning even though I don't want to like thinking I'm not a boy. It's been making my anxiety go up like crazy but I've never had this problem this much before, and I've always felt so proud of who I was and stuff but I don't know why this is coming up all of a sudden and I'm scared. I don't want to detransition but these thoughts won't go away. I often have feminine interests and have been trying to get into a better mindset and I feel like those things are making me feel more feminine and I don't want to feel that way.

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 17w

Doubts about self expression

This obsession is new, but feels so much more grounded and it’s so anxiety inducing. Since the ocd started I’ve lost my sense of self and confidence. I got soocd and it slowly turned into be doubting my identity on whether I want to identify or dress masculine or feminine. I don’t feel good in the clothes I would typically wear out before I’m constantly overanalyzing how I’m feeling , it makes me really anxious and like I’m preforming. So then I started doubting if I would rather dress masculine and it’s extremely anxiety inducing and idk if it’s the ocd now but it feels like that’s how I want to dress.. that’s not what I associated with at all before the ocd but now it feels like that’s what would make me feel fully confident and loose in the world, does anyone else experience this??

gwen_weaver

Date posted: 15w

am i trans or am i confused?

My boyfriend is ftm, and I’m very supportive of him and his journey with gender. It opened a lot of conversations between us about each others gender/sexuality. I’ve known for a long time that i’m pan, but I’ve struggled a lot with my own gender. My OCD causes me to doubt myself a lot, one day i feel hyper feminine and have no desire to identify as a man, but the next day I am extremely dysphoric about my body/hair/voice and wonder if I’m ftm as well? and then it goes away the next day. Some days I don’t even feel feminine OR masculine. I spend a lot of my time ruminating over if i’m trans, and abt the possibility of me spending the rest of my life either not knowing, or settling for whatever’s easiest for myself and everyone around me. I don’t know if I actually believe I’m a man, or if I’m pretending, or if it’s just in my head. Its like I don’t know what to trust since my opinion is different every day, and it feels like I can’t trust my own intuition. It’s starting to affect my sex drive, my sleep, my self confidence, and my self image. It’s really confusing me and I’m wondering if anyone can relate or has some advice. Thank you:)

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I used to be a tomboy, worried I’m gay or trans?

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