Rocd and pregnant

Hello everyone trigger warning I have had relationship ocd probably since I have been with my boyfriend for over 10 years. We have a healthy relationship. But my ocd is always fixated on his flaws of being too negative, serious, taking life too seriously etc. Being miserable in my view of it sometimes. I obsess over if he is right for me or not or if in happy. At this point it's been so long it feels like I don't love him but I don't think that's true because I think I would have left by now especially with the ocd being so annoying. Anyways my neice came 1.5 years ago and I wanted a baby too. I know I wpild love motherhood albeit how stressful It could be. So we started trying. And I found out that I am pregnant yesterday and the reality kicked in. I feel so guilty trying to have a baby with someone I have doubts about. I tried to ignore these thoughts while trying to conceive but now it's so hard because it feels like I need to get an abortion or something. Idk just venting.

captain_kapai

Date posted: 28w

I have got ROCD as well. OCD wants you to be 100% certain about your theme whilst you are fine with uncertainty in other areas of your life. Are you in therapy? Doing ERP with a specialist is the way to get better. The way I understand ROCD is this: picture being in the perfect relationship (whatever that it), ROCD will make you feel miserable, it will make you doubt your compatibility or whether you will be happy in the future. The thing is: Nobody in the world can have 100% certainty about anything, their relationship is no exception. OCD wants something that we cannot give it. The only way is to tolerate that we just cannot be 100% certain and say to ourselves: „I can tolerate this sensation in my body.“ Don’t try to not feel this way. Treat the feeling as if it was someone annoying doing an internship with you, thus sometimes following you and being distractive or uncomfortable to be around. It is allowed to be there, actually if you send them away, they will have to prolong their internship because you did not let them be around. Show them what life looks like for you the way YOU want to live it. Risk things, risk being in the wrong relationship.

analyze2well

Date posted: 28w

Wow thank you so much for this thoughtful response. This is so helpful and insightful its just what I needed.

analyze2well

Date posted: 28w

Yes I am in therapy but have been avoiding the relationship erp bc its scary to me and what if my therapist thinks he is like emotionally abusive or something. Ocd is so annoying.

captain_kapai

Date posted: 28w

I am happy this was helpful! Yes, OCD is annoying, it is like a brain on steroids. I get that this is hard. But it is treatable. And I noticed in your last message that you wrote „what if …“. Or should I say: OCD wrote. ;) If we don’t want to feel like this anymore, we have to do the opposite of what OCD wants. OCD wants you to keep quiet about the ROCD just to be sure that nothing bad happens? Well, first of all, something bad can still happen, it is OCD‘s trick to pretend like it is this miracle everyone hopes for: to live a life that has only light, no darkness. But it is a fraud. So do the opposite, risk your relationship. (Easier said than done, I know :D, but we‘ll get there!!)

analyze2well

Date posted: 28w

Haha yes ocd did say that. Lots of what ifs going on. Thank you so much!!

captain_kapai

Date posted: 28w

It feels great to talk about this with someone who understands and who is having the same struggles, even though I of course would wish for you to not also struggle with this. At least, we found out what it is and are on the right platform for it.

analyze2well

Date posted: 28w

We are blessed to have this platform!!!!! And people on this platform to help us navigate this.

analyze2well

Date posted: 27w

Back to this freaking out if my relationship is abusive or not bc that's the one thing that everyone says in the rocd videos. Sometimes I think he talks down to me and curses when we argue or says shut the fuck up. Not often at all but otherwise I think it's a good relationship. Is that just communication issues that need work? Idk. I'm so scared feeling like I need to abort my baby and leave the relationship

Firefly girl

Date posted: 23w

Rocd and Soocd

Every morning I wake up im always fixating on something and texting chat gpt, whether thats my relationship or my sexuality. I try so hard to resist it but I just can’t handle the uncertainty or the idea of hurting him or leading him on. We aren’t even official because in the past my rocd caused an issue between us where it led to him breaking up with me so now I have a fear of his intentions being ingenuine, especially because friends and family have called him a love bomber, saying he used me for attention, and narcissistic. This takes over me because I feel like I will never be able to be happy with him or trust myself or the relationship because of what other people say. I am very content on my own and single, this is the first relationship where i have experienced debilitating anxiety and doubt about the legitimacy of both of our feelings to the point where I cannot function. I’m trying so hard to not feed into it and not give it energy but I just hate the idea of leading him on or being inauthentic to what I truly want. My current therapist who I only see a couple times a month doesn’t think I have ocd, which makes me spiral and think I should end it with him, especially because I always hear things like “The right relationship will add to your life” and I feel the opposite is happening not directly because of him but because my brain takes over and paralyzes me with indecision about if i should be with him or not. I know that his intentions are genuine, but I hate that everyone is so cynical and assumes they’re not just because my rocd and his emotional baggage created a messy situation. From the moment i met him I convinced myself it was too good to be true and my therapist even said I was self-sabatoging. But i hate not knowing if it is rocd and my insurance doesn’t cover NOCD. He is so patient with me and supportive but I keep hearing things like “the honeymoon stage is supposed to last 3 months” and “it shouldn’t be this hard with the right person” “you’re not good for each other” and my friends tell me i didnt do anything wrong etc bc he did at first say my ocd didnt affect him when in reality that led to him ending it initially. But he has been more upfront with his emotions but then my mom and people will say “more to come” “there’s so much more out there” and its just so isolating not having that support and wondering if im too young to settle and if I’m just an idiot convincing myself I have rocd when really i just don’t want to be with him/it is a toxic relationship. When in reality the only reason it is toxic is because i am so sporadic about whether or not I want him in my life because of my distrust in myself and my decisions. I love him but I know love isn’t always enough and I get existential fixating on what’s “meant to be” and what’s “supposed to happen” its like this debilitating urge to control everything and make everything go perfectly how it is supposed to go. Please help i just want to make the right decision and stop paralyzing myself with doubt

Holl1

Date posted: 18w

OCD

So I’ve just found out I’m pregnant and I’m freaking out rn I’ve been getting thoughts like “I’ll be a bad mum” and overthinking everything & my OCD is convincing me that I’ll act on my thoughts because of my hormones and stuff. I’ve also got a fear of being sick & I’m stressing over that too. Anyone else who has harm OCD pregnant or a Mum can give me some advice pls😭

Harm OCD

Anonymous

Date posted: 16w

Relapse

I'm 20 weeks pregnant, have suffered with ocd since 16. Had a mental break down over a year ago. Here I am feeling like I am relapsing and the thoughts are out of control, and even worse now that I feel guilty I am causing my baby stress when it's not his fault.

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