OCD?

I don’t know if I have ocd or not and I wanted to ask people but I know I should go to a therapist and ask them. But it’s gonna be like a week till that happens and I’m spiraling right now and I need reassurance from someone bc I can’t talk abt it to anyone in irl bc their gonna think I’m crazy and weird asf. So I get really bad thought of children and I want them to just stop like it physically makes me scared like I feel so scared and that I’m weird and I’m a p!do. Like for these past two days I feel like I’m going crazy I just want it to stop I’ve had for a year and a half. Like I felt like if I opened up abt it everyone would think I’m weird and every time I get these thoughts it makes just want pull my hair out and bang my head on a wall. I’ve researched this topic recently bc I honestly didn’t know what’s wrong with me. Bc before I did see a tik tok video abt pocd and I was like that’s what I’m feeling and I felt better but I still get thse thoughts everyday and I’ve tried to ignore it but it’s still there haunting me. I feel every time I talk to people I feel like oh they know or what would they say if they knew what my thoughts were. Then yesterday I was researching the topic pocd bc I wanted to figure out wtf is wrong with me. So I related to all the video I saw and what they talked abt and I felt better. But then when I was trying to sleep I felt fear but I tried ignoring than fell asleep. Then I woke up around 5 am and I couldn’t go back to sleep. Cuz my thoughts and my body wouldn’t leave me alone. My thoughts were saying what “if ur faking it to justify ur thoughts” or “u don’t have ocd ur just a p!do.” Like my thoughts were saying u don’t have ocd ur crazy and weird. I couldn’t sit still and my heart beat was going so fast and I couldn’t still still. I felt so bad and currently I don’t feel that bad but I still have this feeling of anxiety and fear and I tried sleeping but I woke up again with anxiety and fear. So now I’m awake writing this and I just need help I want to get better I want these thoughts,feeling inside me. And if I go into the details of my thoughts it makes me so scared.

dwestiny

Date posted: 27w

What you’re experiencing is the OCD cycle at full force. The thoughts come in, they scare the hell out of you, and then you start searching—researching, analyzing, trying to figure out if you’re a bad person or if it’s just OCD. That searching is a compulsion, and every time you do it, you’re feeding the cycle. Your brain is throwing “what ifs” at you, and the more you try to fight them, the stronger they get. OCD thrives on doubt, and the harder you try to prove to yourself that you’re not what it says, the more it convinces you that you are. That’s why even when you get a moment of relief, the fear always comes back. First of all, even if it’s somehow not OCD, having intrusive thoughts without having OCD is 100% possible. Intrusive thoughts are just random, unwanted thoughts that pop into people’s heads, and most people experience them at some point. The difference is that people with OCD tend to freak out and overanalyze them more, which is what keeps them stuck in a cycle of fear and doubt. The way forward? You have to stop playing its game. That means not engaging, not arguing with the thoughts, and not trying to figure them out. It’s going to be uncomfortable at first, because your brain is screaming at you to react. But that discomfort is actually where the healing happens. The more you sit with the uncertainty, the less power OCD has over you. You already know a therapist is the right move, and that’s a good step. But in the meantime, try to recognize when you’re doing compulsions—whether it’s researching, seeking reassurance, or mentally analyzing yourself—and challenge yourself to step back from them. The thoughts will feel strong at first, but over time, they’ll lose their grip.

Isa_609

Date posted: 27w

@dwestiny Thank you so much I feel a little better but my head is telling me otherwise and I feel like if I accept these thoughts that I’m a bad person. I’ve always kept a level head and Ik that I’m not a p but then my brain says no ur one. It so hard to stop doing compulsions bc if I feel like I stop then I’m stuck with my thoughts. But thank you for reading my post this gave me some more insight. I just feel so alone bc I’m 15 and I just feel I’m not normal.

dwestiny

Date posted: 27w

@Isa_609 I’m 15 too, and trust me, I completely understand what you’re going through. I’ve been dealing with POCD thoughts since I was 12, and what you’re describing is honestly textbook OCD. I’m not going to reassure you, though, because I know that reassurance can make things worse in the long run. But what I can tell you is that accepting the thoughts instead of freaking out about them is actually more helpful. It’s tough, but when you don’t react to them, you’re not giving OCD the power to control you. I know how isolating it can feel, and I’ve felt that too—from the moment I realized I had OCD all the way up until a few days ago, I always felt like I was dealing with it alone. But trust me, you’re not alone in this. You can absolutely get through it. You’ve got this, and I believe in you!

Isa_609

Date posted: 27w

I don’t want these thoughts and feelings inside me*

Aldxma.steph

Date posted: 22w

Hello everyone I need some advice

I don’t have an official OCD diagnosis, but I will be asking my doctor tomorrow if I can get referred to a psychiatrist to get an official diagnosis. The way I came to the conclusion that what I’m dealing with is OCD is because a month ago I just started having the most horrible disturbing intrusive thoughts that go against all my values and beliefs and attacking the stuff/people I care about the most. Mind you, I have never had anything like this happen in my life. I feel that I have always been someone with a peaceful mind and one of the worst intrusive thoughts I can ever remember having before this happened, was “what happens if I cut my finger right now” while I was cutting fruit. That’s pretty much it. After this whole horrible intrusive thought spiral started happening I was so scared because I have never had such awful intrusive thoughts like this that were the complete opposite of me, it just quite literally started out of NOWHERE, and that’s what was so scary and terrifying. It was like my whole life got turned upside down because of this and I’ve been mainly isolating in my room, feeling so much anxiety and dread and guilt/shame. I get four of the same thoughts and one intrusive image repeating over and over again even if I would not try to think about them, and it caused me so much distress and anxiety that I would be so anxious and cry everyday just thinking how I could ever possibly think such horrible intrusive thoughts like that. It’s caused me insomnia which I’ve never dealt with before and I went three days in a row without being able to sleep no matter how hard I tried (even while taking melatonin). Other days I struggle so much to fall asleep due to the intrusive thoughts being much more present at nighttime, and even when taking melatonin that doesn’t do anything because of my mind being so active and having so much anxiety. Is this what they call an OCD flare up? After constantly looking up all the symptoms of ocd (the more and lesser known ones alike), I noticed there were some symptoms of it that I displayed in childhood when the ocd could’ve been more dormant or mild you could say (skin picking), because once again I have never had such horrible intrusive thoughts like this out of nowhere and constantly repeating in my mind that felt like they were out of my control. I noticed that these intrusive thoughts started on the second day of my menstruation when I was in a lot of pain and was feeling very emotional/stressed. One of the things I’ve heard a lot is that during the menstruation cycle is when ocd flares can happen more often due to the increase in hormones during that time, and I wonder if that’s what happened to me? I’m also overall such a big over thinker and have been for as long as I can remember. I also have had anxiety and depression since middle school as well. Any insight would be very much appreciated 😭

Shaodidi

Date posted: 12w

Pocd??

So I was never diagnosed with pocd but many ppl said that I have it and my therapist also said that I have ocd, I’ve recently been getting these thoughts and feelings of attraction towards kids, idk if it’s real attraction or not, but I worry that it’s true attraction because I don’t feel panic and anxiety towards those thoughts and feelings anymore, I used to feel that, but I also never felt shame or guilt for those thoughts and feelings. I also can’t tell if I want those thoughts and feelings or not. When I get those thoughts and feelings, I tell myself “I can’t be attracted to kids” and “being attracted to kids is bad” and “I wouldn’t like kids”. The main thing is I can tell if I am attracted to the kids or not, I feel like I want to know, but I also don’t know if I want to be attracted to kids or not, yet the attraction feeling feels so genuine, I can’t tell if it’s false or not, I try to compare my attraction towards a girl my age to the feelings I get when I see the kids. I’m also under the age of 16, and I’ve heard that people under the age of 16 are at risk of developing p#dophilia, I’m pretty sure I don’t want to become a pedo. But I can’t tell what I want anymore, I can’t tell if my feelings intrusive or not. Even though some people said that I have “textbook ocd” I still don’t believe it. These feelings and thoughts, I just don’t understand if I want and like them or not, idk if I WANT to like or want them. I also lied on 2 questions for the ocd diagnosis about liking the thoughts which I don’t know if I do or not, I said that I think I don’t when in reality I don’t know if I do or not. And the second question where I said I don’t feel aroused even though sometimes I do, idk why I get aroused for that stuff, idk if I want to be aroused or if I don’t want to be aroused. Can someone give me advice pls? ANT to like or want them. I also lied on 2 questions for the ocd diagnosis about liking the thoughts which I don’t know if I do or not, I said that I think I don’t when in reality I don’t know if I do or not. And the second question where I said I don’t feel aroused even though sometimes I do, idk why I get aroused for that stuff, idk if I want to be aroused or if I don’t want to be aroused. I also used to watch p#rn a lot, I was exposed to it at a young age cause I was a stupid ass kid once, I got addicted to it and watched it every day, when all of these feelings and thoughts started, I completely stopped watching p#rn which fixed that, but now I’m worried it was a sign of something bad because I heard that early porn exposure creates mental issues and stuff, so I don’t know if I have pocd or actual pedophilia anymore. I’m also currently tryin to get a relationship with a girl my age. Can someone give me advice on all of this pls? Idk what all of this means anymore :( (edited) I also keep getting thoughts of kids and I’m worried I’m attracted to a specific part of them, because most of the thoughts include that specific part of the kid. Im also attracted to that specific part on adults, but I’m worried that it’s a sign I’m a pedo because it manifests on the thoughts of kids

POCD

jazzyj4799

Date posted: 8w

I’m Scared my undiagnosed POCD isn’t OCD

Im 16 years old and female and up until very late last year and this year I’ve been having thought almost every day that I’m a pedophile or that I’m sexually attracted to or want a romantic relationship with child. I don’t know how to explain it and I don’t want judgment because I’m genuinely so scared and disgusted, but anytime I’m around children I feel my chest tighten, my body feels warm and it feels like I don’t know how to breathe. I sometimes get a groomer response but even then I don’t know if it’s a ground response or not. Also I tend to stare at children when I’m anywhere near them, I feel like if I don’t I’m a weirdo and if I don’t look at them it means I’m attracted to them which I guess could be POCD but I feel like I stare at them inappropriately. Not too long ago maybe three weeks ago I went to the park with my family and there were two girls in their swim suits and I was looking at their backsides and I felt really anxious and scared like I usually do but I felt so upset by looking at them that way and now I’m scared to go to pools or splash pads because every time I do I feel like I stare at them gross and I just feel so disgusted with myself. When I tell myself not to look I end up looking and then I stare. I feel better when I’m not around them but even then, I look back at what I saw earlier that day and I feel anxious again and then I look up what’s been happening and then I feel more worried it’s not OCD. My friends who have OCD say I might have it but I can’t get a therapist, I can’t talk to anyone I’m scared I’ll be put in jail and that I’m not a good person. I’ve never head thoughts like this until this year and near the end of last year and they come now? I don’t know what to do.

POCD

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