This is hard to admit, but I’ve been struggling with intrusive thoughts where the central theme is racism. I don’t use racial slurs but my brain worries that I have said something that hurts or offends someone and now I find myself analyzing every social interaction.
I've never seen someone else say this, but my OCD does this to me sometimes as well! It's awful, too, because it's obviously so out of line with what we actually think or feel. These thoughts are ego-distonic (i.e. opposed to our values), though, and it's important to remember that. AKA, none of these thoughts would bother us if we were ACTUALLY racist. It's just a tactic our OCD uses to make us feel bad about ourselves, nothing more. The good news is, ERP can help with this kinda stuff!
I've experienced this too. It's so scary. Just like with any other intrusive thought, OCD is trying to get your attention by having you focus on something that goes against your values and having you doubt and worry what you say and do.
Thank you for sharing this. There is bravery and power in sharing your thoughts that are hard to discuss. I hope you see that. OCD likes to convince you something “could” have happened, then gets you to obsess over it. Try to remind yourself that the urge to analyze is just an OCD trick.
Thank you all for the encouragement.
I'm so glad you reached out to the community. You're definitely not alone—many others have shared similar experiences, and it's always helpful to connect with people who truly understand what you're going through. ERP therapy can be a really powerful tool for managing OCD symptoms like this, and our amazing care team would love to support you on this journey. If you're interested, you can reach out to them at care@nocdhelp.com for a free consultation to see how NOCD can help. In the meantime, you might find comfort and insight in the NOCD Podcast on YouTube, Get to Know OCD. It’s a great resource with helpful discussions—you can check it out here: https://www.youtube.com/@treatmyocd. Wishing you all the best, and take care! 💙
This may upset some people reading so here is just a warning that these are disturbing I don’t know what to do to make the bad thoughts stop. My mom recently had a baby, my little brother. I wasn’t exactly happy about this pregnancy, but I have nothing against my brother. He’s adorable and silly. Nothing against him. But I feel like these thoughts bug me because what if deep down I do resent him because I didn’t want my mom to have another kid? What if I did act on these things because I hate him? What if I just lose it and do something? It’s all so illogical, I know. Never would I ever want to do that. But there’s times I’m watching him for a few minutes for my mom and my brain just shows me an awful scene of me brutally hurting him or killing him. Or I’ll be holding him and my brain shows me a scene where I purposefully drop him or I just hurt him so badly. I’ll be walking near him and my brain tells me I’m going to stomp on him. It shows me such bad things. I have intrusive thoughts all the time, but this is different because there’s a semi good reason I “could” do it. That being, I wasn’t happy about the pregnancy. And it scares me. I’ve started crying because I was so scared it was going to happen. I have to back up away from him or sit down so there’s no way I can do anything. I feel horrible. I don’t want to hurt him. And I’m so scared I will. But I won’t. I’m hoping this makes sense to others who struggle with this. Because to anyone else who’s never gone through these things I’ll sound insane. And sound like a psychopath. Thanks for reading. Any help would be appreciated.
I’m having a very bad evening with my intrusive thoughts. I was doing really good dealing with them but tonight one hit me hard. I’ve been having a lot of different intrusive thoughts but I’ll have one occasionally about hurting my mom or my dog who I love and they’re the only family I have in my life. They’re my world. I was helping my mom put away the dishes and I had the big kitchen knife in my hand and my intrusive thought was you could stab your mom. And then my brain said I had a twitch in my hand and that meant I wanted to do it. Let me just say that I wouldn’t hurt a fly. I actually caught a fly in a glass and put it outside instead of killing it this evening before this intrusive thought happened. I’m such a gentle and compassionate and caring person and these thoughts instantly cause me to have a panic attack. And I have no one to talk to them about. I know they’re hard for my mom to hear and I don’t want to be any more of a burden than I already am. I do desperately want to tell her and have her reassure me that I’m not crazy or a psycho. Then my thoughts wander to if your hand did flinch could you be a psychopath. Is hurting someone in you. I know it’s not but I feel like my mind is out to get me and hurt me. I’m working so hard and I thought I was doing so good but I need to know why I have these thoughts. They’re not ok. I need someone to help me make sense of why. I know we aren’t supposed to ruminate but I shouldn’t have thoughts like this about people I love and care about the most in the world.
I struggle so bad with intrusive thoughts. They can be so bad that I'll cry because I KNOW that's not how I feel or want to do. (Too embarrassed to say what they're about) I'll constantly try to figure out why I have them, and constantly figure out what they mean, causing me to constantly circle around and around. I had to get on anxeity meds, which helped a little but the thoughts still happen. How do you help yourself with this? How do you know that you're just not some physcopath? 😅
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