Advice please

I am always worried about medication/drugs and I am so anxious about whether I might be under the influence of something or not. has experienced anything similar? I have derealization and panic attacks and I am so so tired of worrying about whether or not I am “feeling” real or if something I ate had drugs in it. I am so sick of doing compulsions and living in constant fear!!! I tell myself that it’s fine and that derealization is just my body’s natural coping mechanism and even though I always fear for the worst nothing bad ever happens but I just can’t get it through my head!!! It’s so frustrating!!

So something that kinda pops up with my anxiety is about a year or so ago i ate an edible gummy after not doing anything for a while and i tripped out really bad… for example i thought i was gonna overdose and die, and that i was already dead.. that is the most fear i have felt in my entire life, and even though its over and has been over i have this constant fear in my mind “what if your still high and this is all a dream” or “your gonna wake up and it will still be that night” i never wanna feel that way again. i can’t even go around the smell of weed with out freaking out. i can’t take pills, or vitamin gummies because “what if it will make me high” when it comes to sleeping i wanna try this dr teals sleep blend but i struggle so much with it because of my mind saying “it will make you feel high”.. even when i feel tired i feel scared cause it reminds me of feeling high.. its just i feel so stuck with the same reaccrujng thought “this could be the time you wake up and it was all just a dream” “you could wake up from coma and this was all imagined” i don’t know what else to do, its my own mind no one can help me and that sucks i don’t know how to win the battle when it’s such a deep rooted fear. i feel like im pushing my family away. i feel so numb.

I really just need to vent. I recently had a relapse and while some days it seems like I’m feeling better, others are so difficult. Today, I’m breaking down at work in the bathroom and I feel so awful about that. Aside from the really scary thoughts I’m having about my health and my family members, I’m starting to feel really hopeless about the future. Like I’m never going to get better and that I’m going to get stuck in this ocd cycle forever. I know that’s not true because I’ve been able to make progress before, but the desperation and frustration that comes with a relapse make it so hard to remember that. I started medication and it’s only been about 3 days but I’m really scared that it’s not going to work or that I’m going to have to go through a lot of trial and error. I just really need to hear from people who have worked through their health ocd. I need hope.