Religion related thoughts

When my ocd first started to present itself as a child I had religious ocd. I would agonize over every little thing I did or even thought that could possibly be considered “sinful” in my eyes or the eyes of the lord. I know it’s hard, especially in this world where so many forget that the main thing about god is that he loves us. I had suicidal thoughts in childhood and I would agonize that suicide is a sin and that god was ashamed of me for wanting to take the life he gave me. I feared the same thing you did, that god would “smite me”. I think the way I might have been able to change themes and stop obsessing over god and how he feels about me is a mixture of compassion towards myself (accepting that I will make mistakes) and acceptance of the fact that I’m going to die one day no matter what and no one gets access to afterlife until they go. It also helped me to think that god was forgiving but the most important thing is the hardest , which is letting it go. Unfortunately ocd can’t stand uncertainty but the answers we seek we can’t get. I wish you luck. It’ll be okay

https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/scrupulosity-ocd its a subtype of OCD. give this a read. it will help you understand it better.

thank you guys so much❤️

I have felt the same before. Just remember that in the bible it says that all of us, by human nature sin, and that god will forgive you as long as you believe in him. So whenever you get scared that god is displeased with you, just let the thought pass by as god has forgiven many people with lots of sins before. I'm not religious, but this is what i remember learning from my religious upbringing. Have a great day.