- Date posted
- 26w
Having GOCD/TOCD even tho I'm comfortable in my cis gender
I'm a 16 year old cis female who's bisexual and in last few months I've been having TOCD thoughts and im absolutely sick of these thoughts,my brain literally controls me and forces me into these thoughts even tho I don't wanna be a boy or don't want to be trans.My brain always presents me with various what ifs such as whether my parents would accept,if I want to have a dick,If I want to dress as a guy,if I want to behave as a guy,but the truth is I don't want to be a guy or behave as a guy I've been so feminine from my childhood and still I've so much girly things and do feminine things but now due to these TOCD thoughts my brain is making me think that I'm living a lie and it's more comfortable as a guy.whenever I get these thoughts I feel so sick and I feel nausea and I can't even eat because of how scared I get,I can't sleep or can't even properly think about other things due to how much I overthink.my ocd triggered more as these days I researched about trans masc things without realizing I had TOCD and it triggered my ocd even more.I have long hair too and my brain makes me think that I want to cut my hair when I was the same one who grew my hair lovingly last year.i can't go to a psychologist too due to my parents and I'm from a house and a background where topics such as LGBTQ and therapy are taboo.Another thing which triggered my ocd is last year I've been having thoughts whether I was straight or lesbian and I've realized that I was bisexual few months ago and I feel comfortable with it now but last year I've been so scared about being attracted to girls too so now since I'm scared of becoming trans my brain tells me that eventually I will also become trans just like how I became bisexual but i DO NOT want to be trans!!I'm comfortable as a girl and I'm comfortable with my long hair,wearing dresses,doing makeup but my brain refuses to listen to me!if there is someone else like me too I would appreciate if you share your story too because TOCD is so horrible and makes me have fake gender or identity crisis!I hope this goes away because for past few days I've been feeling so sick and unwell