For those that are in relationships, do yall have sexual fantasies about other people? And then you get aroused when thinking about them? My mind automatically thinks about another guy other than my bf whenever I try to think about my bf sexually. Which makes me feel turned on about the guy.
Yeah, ironically it’s what I just made a post about. Everyone I’ve ever talked to says it’s completely normal, so long as it’s 1) not a boundary for your partner and 2) doesn’t interfere with your relationship in other ways. Despite that, I still deal with some awful OCD over it because my partner was devastated when she found out. She’s since moved past it and we now have firm boundaries (no p-rn, fantasizing is fine) but it’s still a nearly daily struggle for me.
It makes me feel like it’s a true desire and it still bothers me 9 months later. I talked to my bf about it and he was understanding and didn’t think anything of it. Whenever I look at my bf, my mind has me thinking he should look like the guy that I have sexual fantasies about. I’ve had the same ocd theme for 9 months and it’s every single day.
@Blueelephant03 Yeah I completely relate to that. I came into my relationship with no prior experience, relationships or sexual. So I don’t think it’s abnormal for me to have desires. At the end of the day, I care about my partner more than any other desire. The OCD just constantly attacks that.
@Anonymous - I obviously care about my boyfriend, because it’s something that I can’t ignore and I lose sleep over it. Whenever me and my boyfriend get intimate, that’s when it’s also bad. Bc my mind is imagining my boyfriend to be the guy.
@Anonymous - And whenever I imagine me and my bf having sex, it doesn’t feel right to me. But when I image me and the guy having sex and doing other sexual things, then it feels right to me. Something feels off in my brain.
@Blueelephant03 Yup, been there as well. I had one moment pre-disclosure where I actively thought about someone else while being intimate because I was immature and had no boundaries. Haven’t done that ever again, but have constant OCD about it.
@Blueelephant03 I get that as well. Pre-OCD, I know for 100% certain that I enjoyed sex with my partner more than any of the p-rn or fantasies. I just try to remember that when the OCD is making me doubt what I really want
@Anonymous - This guy that I feel aroused about is a guy that I’ve had sex with in the past, and it wasn’t even good sex. He lasted 3 seconds and it was over. But my bf lasts a long time and I only enjoy it with him if I don’t think of it being that guy. I feel aroused whenever just thinking about the guy. I try to think of my bf in that way, but it’s hard when your mind is constantly having you think of the guy and not your bf.
@Anonymous - Also the fantasies that I get feel better than with my boyfriend. I get more turned on, idk why.
@Blueelephant03 Do you have a history with p-rn or more fantasizing than just this person? That’s also something I’ve gone through. The mental stimulation I get from that stuff is very difficult to match from sex since my OCD started. On the rare occasion where my mind stays clear and I can just focus on the sex, it’s much much better.
@Anonymous - I have history with being addicted to porn when I was in high school. Also I would imagine my ex’s having sex with other women and then I would feel turned on by it. Also with my current bf. Now it’s just about me and this one guy. Now I feel stuck, like I can’t get rid of this guy.
@Anonymous - My mind is telling me that the only way I’ll stop thinking about him sexually is if I have sex with him or do sexual things with him
@Blueelephant03 Yeah I’ve had the same thoughts. Pre-OCD, I thought about sex and fantasies like 10% of what I do now. It’s just this constant “what if” about different scenarios and why I might enjoy them more than my partner. But I know it’s just part of the OCD trying to create doubt. Because if I give into them, then it was right along, and everything my partner said was right. And the OCD wins
@Anonymous - That’s exactly how I feel. I’ve been like this every day for almost a year now. I want to know when it’ll end and if it’ll ever end or if I’ll be stuck like this forever. I’m on medications as well and it still hasn’t gotten rid of any of it. 😞when I first met my boyfriend, I thought he was the most attractive man ever and now I’m thinking he’s not attractive. at times if I stare at him long enough then I do find him attractive, but now always. It’s so odd. I’m just so tired of feeling guilty all the time and feeling like I don’t wanna be with my boyfriend anymore.
@Blueelephant03 Are you in therapy? I’m struggling a bit at the moment, but overall it’s helped me tremendously. I spent nearly a year trying to avoid anything that would trigger me (people I’ve fantasized about, girls on social media, etc) and ultimately that just made it worse for me. People without OCD in relationships have the same thoughts and desires that we do, they just don’t associate any meaning to them. In other words, they just don’t care. I’m slowly working to get to that point, some days better than others. Some days I have to force myself to not avoid intimacy when I’m feeling anxious. My therapist helps measure my overall OCD in an objective way through surveys and ERP, and I’ve gotten significantly better. The hard part is remembering (or believing) that on my bad days. But even when I’m having a bad day, not giving in and doing a compulsion is a victory.
@Anonymous - I was in therapy with a lady but she told me I was way out of her spectrum. So now I’m looking to see someone else. What therapist would you recommend for this kind of ocd?
@Anonymous - Also my bf told me that he doesn’t sexually fantasize about anyone. But yet he watches porn. So idk what to believe.
@Anonymous - I asked him if he ever sees an attractive person in public or on social media and gets aroused, and he said no and that he’s not like other guys.
@Blueelephant03 As for the therapy, I’m not really sure on specifics. Can only say that NOCD has been a big help for me. And my partner says that as well. But everyone is different. My partner has a boundary of no p-rn, but accepts that she cannot control what happens in my mind. It’s a difficult thing to talk about because it’s hard for her to understand the OCD. It’s very difficult to not take it personally, and I get that. My therapist recommends talking about it in therapy and keeping specifics to myself. My therapist is very adamant that it’s not lying or anything harmful- we shouldn’t be judged on thoughts or feelings. As a male, I can say it’s quite common to have attraction or arousal outside your relationship. Some of us are better about respecting our partners and keeping it to ourselves. There’s nothing wrong with it. What’s important is not crossing boundaries that you and your partner decide on.
@Anonymous - Ok thank you. I was thinking that it was normal for males because that’s human nature. More for men, than women I think. Sometimes I feel like I think like a guy. I also have a high sex drive and I’m always in the mood.
@Blueelephant03 Most people say it’s “normal”, but it shouldn’t really matter. The actions and intentions are what matters when you’re in a relationship. I try to look at it like this- take something random that could be addicting like smoking or drinking. Your partner sets a boundary at the beginning of the relationship about not wanting either of you to do that thing, and you choose to respect it. That makes you a good partner. Having the desire or urge to do either of those things doesn’t make you a bad partner. It’s the actions that matter. If suddenly your partner is OK with those things, then suddenly without changing a single thing about yourself, you’re now a good partner? That wouldn’t make any sense. Respecting your partner is what both of you decide it is. If watching p-rn or fantasizing is not considered disrespectful by either of you, when you are of sound mind and not influenced by OCD, then that is what matters. It’s what we have to reminds ourselves of when we’re having those anxious moments. Trust me, I’ve been there plenty. My partner has directly told me what the boundaries are, and told me directly that she doesn’t care if I think about someone else while masturbating. She doesn’t want to hear details, but acknowledges that there’s nothing wrong with it. That doesn’t stop the OCD moments of anxiously worrying about if it makes me a bad partner or not, or if maybe what I’m doing is somehow worse. Or that because she wouldn’t want to hear details, it means I’m doing something wrong.
@Anonymous - Makes sense! Whenever I masturbate I don’t purposely try to think of another guy, it just happens. When I’m in the moment I just lose control and end up continuing what I’m doing because whatever I’m feeling, feels good, so why stop if an image of a guy pops up while doing that. If that makes sense.
@Anonymous - Also, I feel like my mind makes this guy look more attractive than he actually is in real life. He may have a good body and all and maybe that’s why I have sexual fantasies about him, I’m not really sure. My bf is more on the heavy side, which is okay. He used to be super skinny.
So recently my husband was telling me that I better not think about someone else during intimacy and it triggered a memory that I believe is 1-2 years ago. Me and my bf were being intimate and I had just watched a movie with a certain celebrity said celebrity popped into my mind. Along with him being on top of me and being the one being intimate with me. I cannot remember if I continued with it and kept imagining it until the end or not but I can’t imagine doing that because I feel so guilty about it now. However I do know it never happened before and its never happened again. I find my partner the sexiest person alive and the thought of cheating makes me sick it’s something I would never do even when my brand wanders to fantasize I always stop it so idk it feels confusing to me. The memory kinda just popped into my head so I honestly don’t know how real majority of it is or if any of it is. If I did do that, is that cheating? Should I confess. I feel I shouldn’t as it would just cause insecurity for my partner and I don’t want that but I’m worried I cheated somehow if I really did imagine the celebrity the whole time we were intimate.
I am in a relationship but I cannot stop getting thoughts about this new coworker I met, my mind convinces me they are so attractive and so great and I hate it so much. My current relationship has its imperfections (as every one does) but I am so happy with her and have always been so loyal. Would OCD target those imperfections and exploit this situation? Additionally I believe I’m feeling ROCD fears of cheating but I know in every opportunity I’ve talked with other women I am loyal to my partner by bringing her up. Does anyone experience the same thing? Is this really OCD or other subconscious intrusive thinking?
there is this guy in my university. i think he looks good. but since im so afraid of liking someone else, everytime i see him i have wild intrusive thoughts about him. everytime he looks at me i imagine the tension. i hate it so much i hate him so much. yesterday, i saw him look at me multiple times but i avoided the thought. after a while, the picture of him wanting me desperately came to mind again and i thought “what if he liked me and what if he came and told me that i want a relationship with you” and i imagined that. i instantly got pulled and felt like id wanna be with him. like really really wanna be with him. and simultaneously i was terrified of thinking that so in the back of my mind i was screaming NO NO DONT THINK THIS and it felt like i was falling off from a building. but i thought it again and i had the same feeling. I love my boyfriend to death, i feel like im betraying him. Am i? I realized after days of rumination, that I had no reason for my attraction. Its not like I had any kind of physical bodily attraction. I thought the face was nice. But I didn’t even know the person. Why would I feel such a strong urge to be with someone I don’t even know? I thought it was invalid, but I strongly think it is because I have projected a personality on him that I would want to be with. He held a meeting today. Hes my colleague in a club. I was in the meeting. For the first half hour, I was stressed because I hadn’t written down a thought I had previously had. I was doing my work simultaneously. I was talking to people simultaneously. When I paid attention to the guy, I thought “yeah see he’s just a normal person, plus he has an ugly voice” the minute I thought this, I turned into a fan girl of his fully and I loved the voice I felt like I had a crush. And then I panicked. I moved past it. After a while, while he was talking, a little girl screamed in the background. I immediately pictured his younger sister. Like I pictured him having a sister and she looked kindof yk like him. Basically my first instinct was oh she might be so cute. See I think he looks nice, so I kinda pictured him having a sister who was pretty and all cute like how he looked. And then I flipped out while at the same time getting a one second black out, after which I had flashes and images of him being a father and me being attracted to that. I just got random flashes of images and I felt attracted to that I think. Im not too sure. I don’t remember any feeling/ thought/ order at all. It kept on replaying in my head and while contemplating about it I thought it is probably cuz I don’t know anything about their personal lives so it feels enticing to know that they have a personal life beyond work(since they’re professional connections.). After this, I had a billion other thoughts of this sort. “why am I still thinking of him” “does this mean I like him” “who thinks that” *replaying the thought over and over* “maybe he likes me” all these situational thoughts. I can’t even ground myself by thinking about love for my bf. “I love him I want him so bad” “no you don’t” “he’s the best” “you don’t really think that” “how will u handle ur life other guys ur relationship ur hectic schedulel” “fuck up” “these thoughts r supposed to be normal” “its just attraction” “attraction for so long? Everytime u see him?” “youre gonna try to downplay the thoughts like u always do” “this is not normal” I just froze there crying till I couldn’t breathe for 45 minutes. Next morning, I woke up thinking its just something that is not important, I love my boyfriend so much I should put my energy here. I was then called in for a meeting. I pictured the guy just being in university and I felt like normal softness towards him, I got pulled. And then after a while I saw his fair through the online meeting I was worried ill think something wrong. Then I heard him talk to a girl and I was worried ill think im jealous and get jealous. Then after avoiding the thought for a while I got the thought, I felt like I was jealous. But at the same time I was so anxious because I didn’t wanna think like this. And after that I saw him again and I pictured me being with him there next to him in a flash and then I got anxiety and I’m here now.
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