What’s the difference between false attraction and genuine attraction? I’m confused. I feel turned on and aroused by this one guy and at the same time I feel guilty and scared that something will actually happen between me and him. It feels so so real.
Well, we can feel attraction, that happens automatically. That does not necessarily mean we want to be intimate with them.
I feel like my mind makes this guy look more attractive than he actually is in real life. If that makes sense.
And it feels like I want to be intimate with him, which is confusing and it bothers me bc I have a bf and I shouldn’t be having those thoughts. It feels like I’m cheating or wanting to leave him.
@Blueelephant03 Yes, our mind is a creative little bugger. And when we have OCD, we pay very much attention to our mind asking us what that means. Our brain is an organ, it can sometimes solve problems, but it can also just randomly come up with associations, images, scenarios. When we have OCD, we need to learn to let feelings of discomfort or distress be and not try to solve them through compulsions. So, it feels like you are asking for reassurance. I won’t provide it and it might actually be the route to find calmness in the long run to think: „maybe I find this guy attractive, maybe I don’t. I cannot solve this for you, OCD, and I chose to move on.“ Because we can’t solve what OCD wants us to be 100% certain about
@Blueelephant03 You write „I shouldn’t have the thought“. This is important: We as humans cannot control what our brain comes up with. Our thoughts happen automatically, be it thoughts we like or thoughts we don’t like. This is no process that is under our control. Genuine question: What do you think how much should we pay attention to our thoughts and how much should we try to control them, when the brain is an organ that comes up with random thoughts anyway?
@captain_kapai - The thing about ocd is I have to figure out what this means or else I’ll worry about it and be stuck. I have to sit in my own thoughts in one area until it “feels right” to me in my head. Something tells me that if I don’t let the thoughts do their own thing, then I’ll feel bad days later.
@Blueelephant03 Also another hint, and I do this all the time, too: when we say „it feels like I want to“ or „it feels like something is wrong“ or whatever sentence with „it feels like“ - but then no feeling like sad, angry, happy - after that, this is classical intrusive thought language. OCD messes with us, it creates a false reality and when we state those sentences, it shows that our brain has been creative and that we are confused because the outside world and what we want is different from this intrusive thought. And interestingly, this formulation is the exact same in German: „it feels like something it wrong“, „it feels like I want x“. But yes, our brain is creative.
@Blueelephant03 I know, OCD tells us: „you need to solve this, this is urgent, this feeling is unbearable.“ OCD is a liar. That we try to solve things and that we try to thereby make it „feel right“ is what is making OCD worse. Actually, if we just let the feeling be there and did not try to solve it, we would not have OCD. So, I know the feeling of anxiety is so, so hard. But: OCD is telling a lie when it says you wont find calmness unless you solve it. The brain gets calm on its own after a while. The route to healing is to no longer try to figure it out, the route to healing is to do the opposite of what OCD tells us to do. It feels uncomfortable, but we as humans can handle that. We can also handle a sore throat: unpleasant, but it goes away on its own. Are you in therapy?
@captain_kapai - Thank you! And no I’m not in therapy. I’m not sure what kind of therapist specializes in what I’m dealing with.
@Blueelephant03 You should try find an OCD specialist if you can. It is important that the therapist is well experienced in the technique „exposure and response prevention“ (ERP). This is a kind of behavioural therapy. With OCD, ERP is key! So even if someone was not a specialist, they should have a lot of experience in ERP. On the other hand, talk therapy is not working and could make it worse. In the mean time, try to learn about OCD. I can recommend the videos made by NOCD on YouTube.
@captain_kapai - Thank you, I really appreciate it :)))
Do our minds imagine someone to look more attractive than they actually are in real life? I get aroused when I get images of this one guy and it feels like I really want to have sex with him but at the same time I try to push it away. I feel like there’s a part of me that is curious and wanting to explore, but I have a boyfriend and I love him and I only want him.
False attraction has been killing me ive had it for months with the same person. I have a boyfriend so having false attraction makes me feel so guilty. And lately theyve felt so real and ive been so anxious. What if I do like him bla bla. Ive only ever saw him as a brother and we have a good connection and he is one of my good friends but even sometimes when im having a conversation I feel like im cheating. Sometimes I get excited like oh yay he is gonna be here and then I get scared that it’s romantical because I get excited when he is around because he is a funny. Im so scared thats its real attraction because I love my boyfriend I would never do such a thing. And lately my minds done stuff like oh grab his attention stuff like that and it feels like I have done those actions but I dont want to. Sometimes when he is like idk sitting near Im like oh is he looking and my minds like oh do something to empress him bla bla. Recently he was going thought stuff and my boyfriend was there and I was I can give him a hug because I think he needs it but after I thought of it as bad because he is a guy and I had this false attraction what if I did it because I like him bla bla. I am freaking out idk why my mind makes me do compulsions that I have acted on like oh go talk to him and I do its weird urges that I do not want to do. I am scared that it will come true
Can anyone give their experience on FALSE ATTRACTION? At this moment, mine has become worse. Soon as I see a male my anxiety shoots up, I can feel this in my chest and my OCD is telling me I’m attracted. But I continue to look back or stare and the disgust comes over me and my body shakes and I feel my face screw up. I can’t listen to music I use too or watch movies which was a favourite thing of mine to do. I just feel disgusted and not who I am when it happens. It’s like a different me. P.S. I had a very good week few days ago where I knew this wasn’t me and these feelings/ thoughts isn’t me.
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