There are times my harm ocd has me convinced that my feelings of self harm or suicide and harm are real and that any moment I could commit the act on myself or my family. Is there anyone who can chime in on this. I feel like all the time I want to leave run away or avoid my family because of these thoughts. Like I shouldn’t be around my children and I don’t trust myself.
Hello Anonymous, as Andrea expressed this sounds very much like harm OCD. When we feel like we can't trust ourselves, we begin to enter a space of feeling tapped. I want to highlight how the very fact that you express your concern, shows that you care. I want you to know that you can receive help here at NOCD. We specialize in treating OCD and related conditions, where there are thoughts about harming oneself or others. The expertise we have at differentiating the symptoms of OCD from actual risk during assessment, is one of the aspects of our treatment we pride ourselves in. Know that we will provide a safe space, where you can work with a clinician to cut the shackles that bind you from being present and feeling the connection that you deserve with your loved ones. Please reach out anytime and we at NOCD will help!
@Ian Reeder Funny, I read “differentiating the symptoms of ocd from actual risk during assessment” in your reply and my brain said “oh no, maybe my therapist misdiagnosed me because he isn’t as good as NOCD in evaluating risk vs OCD”
@Ian Reeder I appreciate your response Ian, I have attempted OCD therapy before but was not on medication at the time and could not even handle the thought of the exposures. I am currently on some now, but the exposures still scare me especially around the thoughts I have around my kids and hurting myself. I guess I do not understand how an exposures to suicide would work or for harm? But I want to conquer this for my family.
@Anonymous - Hello Anonymous, You raise a great question and I commend you for it! I first want to say it is scary. The very nature of exposure is to bring about the discomfort caused by the intrusive thoughts. So with that said, exposure is not about having you be exposed to suicide itself, but the activities and life experiences that trigger the intrusive thought of, "What if I kill myself?" I want to highlight that it is not the exposure itself that is curative. It is how we utilized Response Prevention, after an exposure. Response prevention is where rather than engage in the compulsions or what we like to call "safety behavior", you sit with uncertainty. By combining Exposure and Response Prevention, 2 types of learning experiences occur. The first is habituation, or your bodies ability to calm down naturally and adjust. This is the same process your body goes through when jumping into a pool of cold water, and it eventually feeling warmer. Your body does this with the anxiety anxiety as well. This is what the exposure piece allows to happen. The second is that you are able to experience Inhibitory Learning or learning that you can calm down differently. This is due to the Response Prevention. Previously if a safety behavior was used, it teaches us that the behavior is what helps to calm down. By allowing the body to calm itself down and not use the safety behaviors, it allows our bodies to learn it can calm down another way. In short the Exposures combined with Response Prevention are what allow for recovery. Just doing exposures without the Response Prevention, does nothing but cause discomfort. Now this is a process and why meeting with a trained expert in ERP is critical for the recovery process, as they work with you to identify your obsessions, compulsions, triggers, and fears, so that they can guide you in taking on this challenging process in an incremental and manageable way. I hope my long winded response is helpful and know that at NOCD, we are always here to help!
@Ian Reeder Thanks again Ian for clarifying. I am hoping to start soon, I still have a LOT of fear around my harm and self harm ocd. For me…I have some trouble identifying my compulsive behaviors and I tend to go back and forth with my ocd a lot. I will get caught in it for days. I actually don’t trust myself and have gone to various inpatient hospitals trying to prevent something bad from happening. That has been a trying and traumatic experience in itself. I don’t have a lot of support from my surrounding family but my husband surprisingly trying his best to get me where I need to be.
Hello Cobra Man, I do not want to say anything to discredit your provider. However, if you struggle with OCD surrounding thoughts of harm toward self and others, the specialization is warranted. The benefit is that this expertise makes it easier to explore OCD and limit hospitalizations that are unwarranted. I recommend discussing this with your provider. If you find the answers to be lacking and you want to explore other options we are here at NOCD to help. Feel free to reach out and we will assist in any way we can.
Hey there. I have felt the same way. Harm OCD and suicide OCD are two of my biggest themes. I felt like I wasn't safe around anyone. That I was a danger to everyone I loved, and a danger to myself. I did not trust myself. It was honestly so horrifying and terrifying. Thinking I could "snap" and hurt myself or others at any moment. It felt incredibly real. The danger felt so real. Getting diagnosed with OCD and learning more about how it works has helped immensely. Knowing that these thoughts are ego dystonic (do not represent what I actually want) and doing ERP therapy has helped IMMENSELY. It got me my life back. I no longer live in a constant loop of fear and terror. I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. Please know you are not alone, AND you can find relief from it too with the right treatment. Thinking of you, and I'm here if you need to talk.
I'm always in fear of hurting myself
HARM OCD VENT. I feel Terrified. I am so scared that I am going to act on a terrible harm ocd intrusive thought on someone else. The idea, the sensations the urges terrify me because it feels so scarily real. I feel like im a horrible person - a danger and i’m so guilty for having intrusive thoughts. I hate knives, I avoid looking at them in real life, in the kitchen as i’m so terrified that i will do sone thing terrible. I get excited when my boyfriend cones round as i always think he knows about my thoughts so at least he would restrain me if i were to do anything bad. I just feel so scared so guilty. I have this horrible sensation of urge running through my body- currently im on the verge of tears- i feel lost. My ocd has even latched onto pumpkin carving - scared i will do something bad. Now my OCD is just being like “ maybe your avoiding is all fake and your trying to cover your a bad person” “ what if u actually want to “. “ I want to “ “ You arnt actually trying to hard from harmful objects “ its TERRIFYING. please may someone reply - I’m terrified right now its like an intrusive FEELING is in my body. Sorry guys. I NEED reassurance at this point, I don’t know what to do.
This might be asking for reassurance but I’m at a point I’m not sure if this is ocd and who better to ask than you guys. Also want to mention I have been to a psychologist who diagnosed me with ocd and I’ve tried to seek therapy through NOCD but had a bad experience so I’m just looking for an opinion I’ll take with a grain of salt. I’ve been through bouts of pocd that I got through but now it’s morphed into something that feels so different. It’s like harm ocd and pocd together and it revolves around my daughter. Before this happened I was a loving mother who valued my kid more than anything. Now this is happening and it feels so sinister. I’m getting urges to do something bad and I get these feelings like I want to do that and it’s like my brain gets foggy and my values slip away and I feel like I could do it. But then I get a moment of clarity and I’m like wait a minute I’ve never hurt anyone in my life nor have I ever thought about it and this is my child what is happening. But then I get that foggy brain again and it’s like I can’t see her as my child. I try to sit with it and it’s like I get this adrenaline rush and feel like I have to do it. But I know I don’t want to do that, but then it’s like trying to make me want to want to. I’m not sure if I’m just lacking insight and clarity because I’m overwhelmed with the groinals, urges, thoughts and feelings but I just keep obsessing over the fact that death is my only way out. I don’t understand what happened to me. It feels like this demonic oppression and I don’t know how to get through this one or if this is still something I can get through because it might not be ocd. I try to go with the thoughts and feelings and say yeah maybe, maybe not, or yeah I’m going to do that but it seems to fuel the feelings. I feel like I’m teetering between the person I was and this evil awful person who has no regard for others. I don’t want to be around my daughter and I’m just angry all the time. The fear and anxiety used to be something I relied on and I feel none of that now. I used to be able to say “well no matter what I feel or think I can control my actions” and now it feels like I cannot control my actions but I’ve never hurt anyone before. Someone please give it to me straight and tell me if you think this might not be ocd.
Hey guys, I am having the worst HARM OCD episode I have had in a while. I am having disgusting, awful intrusive thoughts about harming others. It feels so real. It feels as if I am about to get up and just do it. The worst bit about it all Is I know I feel distressed and panicked. But where the thoughts are actually happening ( in my head) doesnt feel this feeling. This is making it feel worse as it really does feel like Im just going to do it. I am crying my eyes out because I know im petrified and dont want to hurt anyone im so scared. I have this terrible intrusive feeling in my that feels like its justifying the thoughts. Please can someone talk as I am scared Im crying I dont want know what to do I want this feeling gone I am so scared. I tell myself Id kill myself before hurting anyone else, but would i ? What if I actually do want to kill Please respond Im so scared
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