- Date posted
- 5w ago
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Got in a huge argument with my family and it had to do with my ocd (contamination ocd) and they told me they’d wish I was normal. How long do I have to fight this.
Got in a huge argument with my family and it had to do with my ocd (contamination ocd) and they told me they’d wish I was normal. How long do I have to fight this.
In a very dark place right now
For these situations, I found something that works for me. When emotions are turned up to 11, imagine a dial on a stove. When you turn the dial up, the flames go higher and higher. But if you keep turning, the dial goes all the way around and resets to 1. For emotionally charged situations, it's the same way. When the brain gets overwhelmed with too many signals, it flatlines and burns up all the energy for the neurons to fire. Then thoughts have an opportunity to reset and signals calm down quickly. You can lean into what they say and push overboard by doing what they want and then more, like saying: "I will try my best to be normal."
I’m sorry you’re going through this, I know how hard it can be when family doesn’t understand. Before I was diagnosed, my brother had contamination OCD when he was 14. I remember feeling confused and even annoyed because I didn’t understand his experience. Now that I’ve been through it myself, I see how lost I felt back then and how my reactions, even when I thought I was helping, sometimes fed his compulsions. Their response likely comes from a lack of knowledge, not a lack of love. People often don’t realize how painful this experience is from the inside. But showing up for yourself matters most. Take it one day at a time. You don’t need to solve everything today. Just keep doing the work; progress happens through the process, not in a perfect moment. The path isn’t easy, but the way forward is in continuing to live alongside the discomfort. If you don’t mind me asking, are you in active therapy?
I am so sorry this happened to you. It's terrible when the people who are supposed to support you are actually hurting you and tearing you down over an illness that isn't your fault... I have expierenced this many times myslef and it never stops hurting. But also try to remember most are just uneducated and ignorant about what having OCD really means. And sometimes they don't mean ill but are just overwhelmed and feel powerless about what to with our OCD just as we do. There are many strong people in this community who got better and live with OCD in spite of society and their family being ignorant about it. I am sure you can do it too.
So I and my mom got into this big fight yesterday and I said some things I didn't mean to say to her and she said some things and I know what I said was bad but what she said cut deep in me because Even though what I said to her wasn't good her words hurt because going through wat om going through rn is honestly the worst thing a human can go through my worries and fears now all of a sudden now become feeling of Suicide and self-harm and honestly she's right because at this point I'm at a dead end and there's no going back I didn't tell her what was actually going on with me because I know she will never look at me the same and growing up with parents that are Gen x back in the day mental illness is a fucking joke to them apparently and is not taken seriously not all of them are like this but I know a few now I've been thinking about offing myself I don't think I'm gonna make it I'm really struggling.
The other day I made a post about being kind and supportive and not being judgmental when commenting on other people’s posts because someone made a comment on my post insinuating that I don’t have ocd and i’m actually just a bad person. At first it didn’t really bother me because I know i’m not a bad person but now my ocd is latching onto their comment and it’s making me feel horrible. My post that they commented on was about how whenever I think things to myself like how my pre teen daughter is blessed to have slim legs and not chubby thighs like mine and she’s growing up into a nice shape or my teen son has a nice shape jawline and neck and it’s good that he’s slim but he’s too slim or how all of my adult kids are so handsome/beautiful my ocd turns my random normal mom thoughts into something inappropriate. I know I don’t think of or look at my kids or any kids or young person in an inappropriate way. My ocd says I do and I was seeking support. That persons comment was so damaging for me. I tried to think maybe they have never had dark disturbing intrusive thoughts with their ocd themes and maybe they just don’t understand or maybe they have never had pocd theme or maybe they are not a parent but even if all of that were true, their comment was still so judgmental and damaging. I am struggling even more now because my ocd is latching onto that persons comment and making me feel like a horrible person. Has anyone else had this happen? How did you get through it?
I am so angry with ocd. I hate that ocd even exists. I wouldn’t necessarily say I wanted to be a mom when I was younger. I grew up without my mom around. But now my sisters are both moms and I see them and I feel like I’m missing out. But having pocd and hocd has definitely made me feel like it’s completely out of the question. I even made sure my fiancé knew that I didn’t want children/ feel like I can’t have them for fear of hurting them or passing on mental health issues. I was abused growing up and one of my old therapists told me that “people who are abused can become abusers”. That is something that I am not willing to risk. And even though I feel set on that choice, my brain still tells me that I’m missing out. So I’m constantly questioning if I truly feel like I don’t want them or if ocd is convincing me I don’t. Ugh. It’s just so frustrating.
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