i just remembered a gross memory

i just remembered that when i was i think in middle school (or maybe early high school?) being surprised by noticing a woman showering from my window and staring her for a few long seconds, i think i was aroused by the sight... but she didnt give consent to be looked at in a private moment. i feel gross was i attracted? or did i just stare because of curiosity? there is no way of sugar coating this, i stared. why didnt it cross my mind that it was morally wrong?? was it because I was very young? still that doesnt justify anything. regardless of the fact that i stared or not i shouldnt have felt aroused, and that time i think it was arousal-concordance. i've grown up and i wouldnt do that again, i remember seeing a reel abt Gintama (a manga character) staring at a girl changing and i didnt find it funny but weird. now im discovering that i did the same. how can i possible be forgiven from that, i cant forgive myself... im trying to find ways to reassure myself and to remember better, to know that there was something different but i dont think so. i feel bad. im not a good person. now im afraid that i would be still aroused, i think probably, and that i dont like but i know i wouldnt stare. i think im feeling arousal from writing this, from the memory, I feel bad, i think it's arousal concordant because i guess i was attracted by the sight but i dislike that i stared. i think im both bothered and aroused, 2 things can be both true... i dont know what to do. i am a bad person.

TapDrumRoll

Date posted: 25w

Nobody needs to forgive you and not even yourself. We all are curious and fascinated by the human body is all. If you get excited that is fine. Our bodies are amazing and in all different forms. You appreciated the form of someone else. And there is no “good” “bad” people, but only shades of grey. We are forever changing. No need to label yourself, because it limits you to only to characters. Good and bad is absurd. Humans are very complex and have feelings, emotions and tie them to specialized thoughts, unlike animals do. When you see you feel. When you hear you feel. When you taste you feel. We equate all the senses many times with situations or ideas. We are complex and beautifully made. I hope that made sense.

ivefailed.

Date posted: 25w

as i wrote these things i was bothered by the fact that i was feeling some kind of arousal, i think i felt se&ual urges... it wasnt much egodystonic. maybe im feeling urges because i havent m*sturb* for a while after that traumatic event. now im afraid that arousal is gonna translate to triggering intrusive images. i feel sorry for the people who supported me in this community reading this post. probably changed their idea of me. im sorry. i wasnt a good person, but now i obsessively try to be one, though it doesn't erase my past wrong doings though and i cant tolerate them.

Anonymous

Date posted: 17w

Thinking u did something u not sure if u did

Hey guys I just wanted to talk about something I was feeling I feel so trapped and terrible I have a bad pornography addiction even back then idk what to do I'm 17 years old but basically I looked at some very obscure things on the Internet ranging from hentai or just even more messed up things when I was younger I think maybe early teens I remember randomly just started remembering things I saw now I do not remember if I acted on them or jerked off to them idk what to do I feel so ashamed trapped I feel like I can't enjoy life anymore for what I've done I been introduced to porn when I was young idk what to do I seem alot back then some memories pop certain ones I don't remember if I had pleasured myself to it it feels like I did I have so much shame if I did but idk what to do

Anonymous

Date posted: 14w

Having a erection while simultaneously having bad memories of past actions

Hey guys I'm 17 years old I had experience with OCD I looked trans pornography and femboy stuff I'm straight I didn't jerk off to it I was really only looking at it in the past I have but for some reason I just felt like looking at it and when I did I did experience arousal not only that while I had a boner I simultaneously was thinking of memories and bad actions I had in 4th grade with another boy I myself not a homosexual I was a kid I did something with another boy I regret it I had that thought in my head lingering there in my head but I noticed pre ejaculation and now I feel anxiety because now it feels like I was intrigued by the thought it feels like it is it was probably to the video visual stimulus but it's hard I didn't jerk off to it at all I was really just looking idk what to do it feels like I did experience it to the video but also my thoughts say to the thought idk what to do can someone shed light on this

anonymousgg

Date posted: 13w

is what i did unforgivable? TW s//al

About a year ago, I was travelling back home with my mom from a city. This is so embarrassing to admit, but after so many hours of travelling, I got aroused. However, I didn't want to let go of that feeling and wanted to save it for later when I got home. So I deliberately relaxed my body and began thinking about **something** (yes something like that) I would watch later. I also knew that it would make me have a very slight reaction **down there** for half a second because the bus would go up and down slight hills on a bumpy road, causing me to feel like I'm falling on a rollercoaster, but would also cause make me feel something down there for half a second. I did it another two times deliberately, knowing that obviously it wasn't anything much and definitely wasn't obvious at all since I wasn't even doing anything physically. Is what I did unforgivable? Keep in mind I willingly did it knowing it wouldn't look like i was doing anything

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

i just remembered a gross memory

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community