losing myself . Giving up?

@livonmarz NOCD doesn’t accept my insurance . It’s been a lifelong battle with only so much help. I’ve relied on medication but that’s about it . I’m my early years I’ve done nothing but research to try and get the erp treatment but not one specializes in it here or either they don’t accept my insurance. After a while, I just came to terms with the fact I’d have to deal with it on my own and manage it as best to my power. I can’t say it’s gotten easier but I’ve been tryna be more mindful about it but it plays these a stupid mind tricks. My meds are waring off . I haven’t felt ok in almost a month.

@livonmarz I accepted it will always be a battle. No matter what ima always have it. But I’m right back to the breaking point again that makes me question if I can keep moving forward. It targets me in so many different ways. I just wanna go back to the day where the episode happened and prevent it but even then that’s compulsiveness .

@Brian :) I’m sorry it’s been such a struggle but I definitely understand. Nocd doesn’t except mine either. I was able to swing doing session weekly for 30 mins for a bit until I felt I could push it to 30 mins every 2 weeks.. so on so forth. Finances are a challenging thing to navigate. I’m not sure what financial position you are in but I say this to say that even short term and short sessions of help is enough to accumulate enough skills to break the cycle. I recommend searching up the OCD cycle on google, look at a picture and see how specific things in your life fit the cycle. This was one of the best things I learned in keeping me grounded in knowing what was ocd. Like you said ocd is tricky!! But the more you learn the easier it’ll be to spot it immediately and be like “nope ur not tricking me” this is hard at first but with time it becomes second nature and feels okay to live life that way. Idk you but I do believe in you!! Ocd is something that can be overcome and it’ll feel so good the more you push through it. Sending all the love and good vibes your way. You got this!

@Anonymous_anon I’m also tired :( . I cling onto my values and goals but it’s hard when during these difficult moments with ocd it latches on and tries to take it away from me making me feel less closer to myself. I just want it to stop. I’m tired . Yes consciously losing control is what it feels like to the point where you forget who you are almost and don’t know what’s real anymore cuz my entire day just revolves around ocd/unwanted obsession. Weeks ruminating

@Hopeful58 Thank you:(