When I talk about how terrible I used to be to my girlfriend it makes me feel like I’m gonna do it again which I don’t wanna do and it scares me and then I get intrusive thoughts and feelings about it doing it but I don’t want to, weird I know.
Hello Cam$$$, I can see that you are struggling with these intrusive thoughts. To add to what Jamie has said, the best approach is to let the thoughts pass, without disputing them. Intrusive thoughts feed on the desire to feel certain. The key is sitting with uncertainty. This is challenging and feels uncomfortable in the face of intrusive thoughts, the paradox is that when we sit with uncertainty rather than resist, the discomfort passes. Seeing this most would say, yeah, easier said than done. I have to agree, and that is where ERP comes in. Working with a therapist that has expertise in these conditions, allows you to take this challenge on incrementally. If you want to begin the process please don't hesitate to reach out to our care team at NOCD. I hope this information finds you well and know that at NOCD, we are always here to help!
Doing what? Your compulsions?
Not weird, these are common thoughts. How did you overcome being “terrible” before?
@MichelleV Well I got on mood stabilizers, and I’ve been pretty good. Yesterday we were talking about it and then I started to get anxiety about oh no whatt if I’ll do it again and now I have anxiety, I don’t know if it’s just my ocd trying to gaslight me ?
@Cam$$$ It could be your OCD. When you get scared that you might do it again, how do you want to respond? Do you feel an urge to ruminate or check your current behaviors?
@MichelleV I usually talk to my girlfriend and tell her my problems, which I know is unhealthy
Hey there, I agree with Michelle that this could absolutely be OCD pipping in. It loves to pick on our past behavior, where maybe we weren't our best version of ourselves and then tell us we have to figure out for certain if it will happen again or not. This is a slippery slope to take on. Have you engaged in ERP before? It would encourage you to allow those thoughts/ fears/doubts to be present while carrying on with your day. We don't have to like them, just allow them to follow us around while not giving them much attention (or compulsions). You might find this video helpful, too. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhKmY1IeFf8
@Jennifer Dalimonte I am in outpatient now and trying to learn that, I didn’t think it was OCD, but after you said that it might have been because IT DOES like to pick on what you’ve done in the past, hopefully I get better at catching it.
@Cam$$$ - I am glad that was helpful. OCD can be such a sneaky thing, it loves to change shape and try to throw us off our game. I'm glad you're in outpatient. Do you happen to know if your clinician specializes in treating OCD? It's actually very common for many therapists to not understand what OCD really is and accidentally play into OCD's games.
@Jennifer Dalimonte Yes they do not, I am trying to find an ocd therapist that takes my insurance, well I haven’t started to look but I do need too. What do they do exactly ?
@Cam$$$ - Have you considered booking a free 15 minute phone call with NOCD? We have wonderful staff who would be happy to check your insurance and talk with you about the ERP process with our OCD specialists.
When I was a little kid, I used to be horrible. Every time I thought an animal was too cute or something, i’d get violent, terribly violent. I regret it so much and wish I never did anything like that. It follows me in my mind and I hate it even though I was a child. Then a year or two ago, I got upset at my cat and tossed her onto the bed very quickly and hard, and pushed her down. I remember feeling like I didn’t want to hurt her but I didn’t want to let go. I cried after it happened and gave her many treats. Around the same time, my dog got me mad i just smacked her nose but I still feel sick to my stomach thinking about it. Idk if i was 14 or 15 at the time? I would never do anything to hurt any animal now, but why did I ever do it back then? It makes me so sick thinking about it and now I can’t STOP thinking about it. I still never wanted to hurt my cat, but she got on my last nerve at that moment and it happened multiple times and I threw her pretty fast. I can’t believe I’d ever do that. I’ve been hating myself for it ever since i started thinking about it again. I can’t forgive myself and Idk what to do. I wish I could go back in time and never do what I did. She was still only about 5 months old at that time. She means the world to me and we have a very close bond, but now I feel like I can’t love her because what I did. I feel like I can’t have friends, or anything really because I feel like I don’t deserve anything. I feel like a terrible monster and I hate that I ever did anything to a little angel that didn’t even do anything wrong. Idk how to forgive myself. I hate that I did that and I wish I never did. It still wasn’t as bad as it was when I was little, but it’s still not okay at all and I can’t go back in time and change it, so now idk what to do with myself. I feel like I don’t deserve to be around my cats babies even though I love them with all my heart. I’m 16 now and not the same ragey person as i used to be. I had a lot of anger built up from an ex that I was with at the time, but still WHY would I take it out on my beautiful cat. The more I think about it, the worst it gets, it’s sucking up all of my happiness.
I keep having intrusive thoughts that I am in love with my ex. I’m so afraid if I don’t sort through the thoughts then I’ll get in touch with him? I don’t want to hurt my bf so I feel so sick and just overwhelmed.
I don't even know if I should put this here, but I have the greatest girlfriend in the whole world, and I love her very much, but my thoughts keep saying I'm going to hurt her, so I can hurt God and idk what to do, I feel so disgusted and idk what to do, and the worst part is why does some part of me just not even care idk what to do anymore, it's almost like I'm turning into this horrible person and idk what to do, I'm really not sure what to do. I have really been able to be happy I just feel like I don't deserve it and I want to care about people and God and I want to be a good person, but a part of me shuts off my caring nature and idk what to do, I'm really freaking out because it's like IDC and idk what to do I just feel so nasty and scared because why don't I feel like I care. Why does it feel like it's something I wanna do idk, what to do I'm really freaking worried. Also I don't want OCD but a part of me says I need it or I like these thoughts and idk what to do, as im writing this i just feel like laughing and idk what to do, i really judt want jesus to hug me and say everything will be alright, i am such a monster....
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