When I talk about how terrible I used to be to my girlfriend it makes me feel like I’m gonna do it again which I don’t wanna do and it scares me and then I get intrusive thoughts and feelings about it doing it but I don’t want to, weird I know.
Hello Cam$$$, I can see that you are struggling with these intrusive thoughts. To add to what Jamie has said, the best approach is to let the thoughts pass, without disputing them. Intrusive thoughts feed on the desire to feel certain. The key is sitting with uncertainty. This is challenging and feels uncomfortable in the face of intrusive thoughts, the paradox is that when we sit with uncertainty rather than resist, the discomfort passes. Seeing this most would say, yeah, easier said than done. I have to agree, and that is where ERP comes in. Working with a therapist that has expertise in these conditions, allows you to take this challenge on incrementally. If you want to begin the process please don't hesitate to reach out to our care team at NOCD. I hope this information finds you well and know that at NOCD, we are always here to help!
Doing what? Your compulsions?
Not weird, these are common thoughts. How did you overcome being “terrible” before?
@MichelleV Well I got on mood stabilizers, and I’ve been pretty good. Yesterday we were talking about it and then I started to get anxiety about oh no whatt if I’ll do it again and now I have anxiety, I don’t know if it’s just my ocd trying to gaslight me ?
@Cam$$$ It could be your OCD. When you get scared that you might do it again, how do you want to respond? Do you feel an urge to ruminate or check your current behaviors?
@MichelleV I usually talk to my girlfriend and tell her my problems, which I know is unhealthy
Hey there, I agree with Michelle that this could absolutely be OCD pipping in. It loves to pick on our past behavior, where maybe we weren't our best version of ourselves and then tell us we have to figure out for certain if it will happen again or not. This is a slippery slope to take on. Have you engaged in ERP before? It would encourage you to allow those thoughts/ fears/doubts to be present while carrying on with your day. We don't have to like them, just allow them to follow us around while not giving them much attention (or compulsions). You might find this video helpful, too. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhKmY1IeFf8
@Jennifer Dalimonte I am in outpatient now and trying to learn that, I didn’t think it was OCD, but after you said that it might have been because IT DOES like to pick on what you’ve done in the past, hopefully I get better at catching it.
@Cam$$$ - I am glad that was helpful. OCD can be such a sneaky thing, it loves to change shape and try to throw us off our game. I'm glad you're in outpatient. Do you happen to know if your clinician specializes in treating OCD? It's actually very common for many therapists to not understand what OCD really is and accidentally play into OCD's games.
@Jennifer Dalimonte Yes they do not, I am trying to find an ocd therapist that takes my insurance, well I haven’t started to look but I do need too. What do they do exactly ?
@Cam$$$ - Have you considered booking a free 15 minute phone call with NOCD? We have wonderful staff who would be happy to check your insurance and talk with you about the ERP process with our OCD specialists.
I don't even know if I should put this here, but I have the greatest girlfriend in the whole world, and I love her very much, but my thoughts keep saying I'm going to hurt her, so I can hurt God and idk what to do, I feel so disgusted and idk what to do, and the worst part is why does some part of me just not even care idk what to do anymore, it's almost like I'm turning into this horrible person and idk what to do, I'm really not sure what to do. I have really been able to be happy I just feel like I don't deserve it and I want to care about people and God and I want to be a good person, but a part of me shuts off my caring nature and idk what to do, I'm really freaking out because it's like IDC and idk what to do I just feel so nasty and scared because why don't I feel like I care. Why does it feel like it's something I wanna do idk, what to do I'm really freaking worried. Also I don't want OCD but a part of me says I need it or I like these thoughts and idk what to do, as im writing this i just feel like laughing and idk what to do, i really judt want jesus to hug me and say everything will be alright, i am such a monster....
I have made multiple mistakes in my past that lead me to believe im a bad person. thinking about them often sends me into a panic attack. i cant help but feel i need to be punished. i hate this feeling, what should i do?
I’m sharing this bc I need advice or even support from anyone who can relate. If you can’t relate and don’t think you’ll say anything helpful or kind pls don’t comment anything… I’ve been struggling with somethings that’s making me question myself. There has been moments while self pleasuring when I get intrusive thoughts, in those moments it feels like I’m enjoying or even self pleasuring myself bc of the thought. Right after I immediately have an anxiety attack and my HEART drops bc it feels terrible I feel like a disgusting monster :( ppl have told me I haven’t done a bad bc of how intense my guilt and panic are but I keep thinking that MAYBE I made a horrible decision in the moment and the guilt is just realising that it’s just wrong this doesn’t make sense to me because I’ve always told myself that I would never act on this in 1 million years and I’ve been known that these things are wrong so I’m just like constantly questioning myself these feelings and exact same situation has happened two times already I even promised myself that I wouldn’t act on anything beforehand and yeah, I still felt like I did act on my thought during my alone time I’m genuinely convinced that I’m a horrible and it’s even got into the point where I don’t wanna be here anymore and I don’t even think this is my OCD :( tbh
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