- Date posted
- 5w ago
OCD
I feel like the worst kind of person and I am ruining my husband. I don’t know how I’m going to be able to change.
I feel like the worst kind of person and I am ruining my husband. I don’t know how I’m going to be able to change.
I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. OCD has a way of making you believe the worst about yourself, but the fact that you care so much about your impact on your husband shows that you’re a good person. You are not ruining anything—you’re just struggling, and that’s okay. OCD makes you doubt yourself, but you are not your thoughts. With the right support and strategies, things can get better. You are not alone in this!
@Rayanswaid Thank you I needed to hear this
I am always here for you! It’ll be ok💕
@sshafer89 Thank you
@PastSelf25 You are welcome!!
Hi there, thank you for sharing this and seeking support. I know how tough it can be to feel this way. Were you aware that this core fear is incredibly common in OCD? Here's a blog post on the topic, in case it helps https://www.treatmyocd.com/what-is-ocd/common-fears/fear-of-being-a-bad-person
@Jennifer Dalimonte Thank you this makes me feel supported.
OCD always tries to make people feel like a horrible person or monster who runs everything. That’s what OCD does. OCD lies to us to make us attack ourselves
@Tea and Honey Thank you this makes me feel supported.
I feel the same way. I'm ruining my marriage bc of it. I feel like I'm snapping. I can hardly get out of bed. I'm a complete mess. I need a shower and to take care of myself, but I don't have it in me. I feel like I'm going insane! I hope your day gets better.
@Speckles This is exactly how I am. Down to needing to take care of myself and not being able to. We are the same
@PastSelf25 Sorry you are going thru this too. My husband has been trying to be understanding, but I know he's frustrated with me and I feel like a burden. I hope things get better for both of us. I'm here if you need to vent or talk. I know exactly what you are going thru
If you have OCD ask him to be understanding and become familiar with some of the things you are dealing with. There are also lots of good tips on the Patrick McGrath Wednesday night webinar on the NOCD page on YouTube. Or really any NOCD webinar can be helpful. Go ahead and check out some of the videos. In addition you can contact NOCD for a free 15 minute call to discuss further. They can offer more detail than I can here. https://www.treatmyocd.com/about-us/contact-us
That sounds like a really difficult train of thought. I am sorry that you are struggling with that. ERP is a great form of treatment that can help tackle that thought and OCD trained therapists can help assess for OCD/ anxiety and talk with you about all those types of thoughts. You are not alone in this community!
POCD has been the worst thing I've ever been through. I feel like I have always sort of experienced it but not to the degree I do now. I used to plan being a mother to a beautiful family. Now I don't know if I'll ever have children at the risk of having a girl. I used to have intrusive thoughts that would make me feel weird but I could just move on from them. That was until I had to babysit my niece and change her diaper. I want to throw up thinking about it. I got a horribly strong groinal response and I didn't know what to do. I didn't understand why it was happening. It bothered me all day that day and later on I did the disgusting deed of testing myself. I regret it everyday. It's a horrible compulsion and it haunts me. I tested if I was getting off to the thought of her. And of course there was stimulation because of the groinal response. But I hated doing it. I just felt like I had to be sure. After that and since then I haven't wanted to be around her. I stopped planning being a mother, I stopped watching cute baby videos like I used to enjoy because they trigger disgusting intrusive thoughts. After a while I stopped being intimate with my boyfriend and haven't done anything with for months because the thoughts take over and make me feel like I may enjoy the deed more if I was thinking of children. I worry that maybe I do enjoy these thoughts and I'm just denying it. I wish I could be sure. I feel so disgusting and ugly, I've never hated myself this much. It takes over most of my days. I wish I had never changed her diaper. Some times in moments of clarity I am so sure that I'm not a predator, but when I am vulnerable OCD sneaks back in and tells me I enjoy my thoughts and that I should think them. Sometimes it gets so overwhelming that I have to test. I wish I could stop. It ruins my entire week. I feel like a monster. I want to love my life again. I miss life before this. I feel so hopeless most of the time and I can't imagine a way out. I'm scared to start therapy because what if I found out I am a monster? I can't live like that. I won't. I want to cry and scream. Am I alone in this?
I am really scared of being a narcissist.. I’ve been in therapy and I feel like my therapist isn’t taking it seriously:( like if I am a narcissist I want to work on it I’m just really scared of harming people.. including my partner:( I don’t want be the reason he needs therapy and I don’t want to ruin his life. I’m scared I’m manipulating him somehow to want to be with me and I just don’t know what to do. I NEED to get this fixed before our relationship progresses but I just feel like I’m not being heard by therapists/psychiatrists We want to get married and have children but I don’t even know if I will be a good partner or mom. If I do have narcissism I just think it would be best if I left him alone :( I don’t know what to do I know that people will say that narcissists don’t care about hurting other people or things like that but I just don’t know how true that is. I also have really mean judgmental, cruel, and hateful thoughts about people and I feel like that means I’m a narcissist
I’ve said and done so many hurtful things growing up, especially in elementary and middle school. I was very passive aggressive and mean for a majority of my life, and I’ve hurt peoples feelings. I’m no longer like that now, but every single thing I’ve ever done wrong replays in my head constantly, from the moment I wake up to the second I go to sleep. I know I deserve to feel the chronic guilt and shame, so I feel even more guilty pitying myself. It’s eating me alive, I’m so scared. I know people must hate me, and they have every right to. feel like I don’t deserve to have moments of happiness because I’ve taken that ability away from someone before. I’m not diagnosed, but this has been going on for years and I’m scared to talk to anyone about it because I fear they would look at me differently knowing I’ve hurt someone’s feelings. I feel like a monster. It’s ruining my life and I don’t know what to do.
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