Is rocd just imaginary thoughts what ifs with no real reason ? Or could you have rocd with real relationship issues that do bother you in your relationship also ? Even before rocd symptoms started ? Like betrayal or a potential deal breaker ? Constantly thinking about the betrayal and one other thing which is making me question love and compatibility so I’m not sure if it’s just the wrong relationship or rocd
when you think about your relationship in moments where your thoughts aren’t spiraling and your pulse isn’t quickening and you don’t feel like your emotions and mind are out of control, do you still have thoughts about the betrayal that you mentioned, as well as your other issues with your relationship? in other words, do those issues still present a concern outside of the anxiety that you feel during an ocd attack?
@makmikesell Yes whenever I look at him I can’t stop thinking about these two things which makes me question am I in love or not am I forcing this am I settling is someone else better for me
@bmaria I totally understand how overwhelming those thoughts can be. have you taken any space from him and the relationship recently?
@makmikesell Yes we broke up a week ago. I can’t seem to let go of the issue that bothers me but I feel like I want to be with him but I can’t stop with the questions if I really love him or not. I’m unhappy and confused with and without him
@bmaria I see. are there specific reasons you want to be with him, beyond the lack or presence of a feeling of happiness? specific compatibilities that you cling to?
@makmikesell Yes he has all the values I’m looking for in a partner. He’s a great guy. I just can’t seem to get past the 2 issues that really bother me so it makes me upset and question everything where I think about it 14 hours a day and feel disgusted
@bmaria ok so obviously I don’t know all the details or either person involved, but from the situation you’re describing it sounds to me like you are suffering from a fair degree of rocd that may be impacting your ability to view this relationship more neutrally. if you can, try not to beat yourself up for it, as that’s only going to further damage your trust in your own judgement and it could also encourage more obsessive thoughts—and that is definitely not what you want. remember that these obsessive intrusive thoughts are not an intentional thing on your part and you yourself only want the best for you AND your partner/ex partner. I totally understand not wanting to share the 2 specific issues in this forum—would you be willing to share them with an actual therapist however? I think that breaking down your triggering thoughts could really help you in this instance. a neutral party involved in processing this would help you decide what is and isn’t a logical thought process
@bmaria I am so sorry you are going through this, by the way. I know how painful these periods are, but remember there are always going to be many routes through and past these awful thoughts and feelings
@makmikesell Thank you for your help
@makmikesell Can I ask since you seem knowledgeable with this? If he broke a boundary or 2 and I can’t stop thinking about these 2 boundaries he broke and it makes me just think maybe I can be with someone else who wouldn’t of done this do you think that sounds like rocd if I’m spinning about it for a year now ? Constantly talking about it with him?
@bmaria He told me he wouldn’t watch porn anymore and did and lied about it and he kissed someone 1 week before we became official but after he told me he loved me . And I felt we were exclusive but he did not
@bmaria it does sound like rocd, especially with the compulsion to repeatedly discuss it. however, the boundaries that he broke are very concerning, and it is perfectly understandable that you would react so strongly to them. my ex broke similar boundaries and we ended up breaking up partly because the lack of trust that the breaking of those boundaries created made it difficult for us to come together as equal partners, as I constantly viewed his choices in betraying my trust as a reflection on him as a person. and of course the rocd in my case is also focused on whether or not my partner is a good person lol whether or not that is entirely true in every circumstance where trust issues are involved is up to the people involved in the relationship—but it is extremely common for these to be issues that either one or both partners considers impossible to come back from. you are not alone in feeling this way and thinking these thoughts. but know that it is possible to push through by reminding yourself of who you are. and of the things that you want out of a partnership too! that is a completely valid way of recovering from the broken relationship. every relationship brings situations you can learn from, such as what boundaries you aren’t ok with someone breaking. these sound like they could be hard boundaries for you. what I would suggest is to keep this “discussion” focused internally or with people you know you can trust (and maybe not him) bc ultimately it is up to you to determine your comfortability and boundaries in relationships
Please help. Been with my boyfriend for 15 months. 6 months into our official relationship I found out he kissed someone 1 week before he asked out officially. He told me he loved me at that time and I felt we were exclusive. He apparently did not . He also agreed he would not watch porn and lied once about it. I also have been spinning about the types of women he thinks are attractive and I find disgusting so I sent him pictures for months hoping he would say it looks gross but he didn’t and it killed me. Throughout the relationship I have been spinning about these issues really hard and it damaged my trust for him but I know he’s an amazing great guy I just feel very uneasy. It has been 1 year of me spinning about these issues and other little ones constantly texting him everyday and my friends about them to try to figure things out but I am unhappy . 4 months ago I had a severe breakdown and since I am severely depressed and anxious every day all day with thoughts of is this a wrong relationship , comparing him to other men, wondering if I would be happier with someone else. I have been seeing a therapist seeing a therapist one thinks I have rocd and a psychologist doesn’t . Nothing is helping me and I’m on Zoloft . I broke up with him a month ago and I’m still spinning in circles if I made the right decision or if I left over rocd and overblowing the issues that bothered me . Someone please tell me if you think this is rocd (edited)
My psychologist tells me because my thoughts are based off of facts/ broken boundaries which is why I am having thoughts of am i in love , am I settling , and feeling guilty I should let him go to find someone who wouldn’t doubt him that I do not have rocd. She states rocd is intrusive , irrational thoughts not based off of real facts and I may have ptsd not ocd. He kissed someone else before we were official and he finds a certain type of female attractive that I find disgusting . So I spin about these issues all day long to the point I’m so unhappy with him and had to break up . It’s been over a month now but I’m still severely anxious and depressed The thing is I can’t stop thinking about this 24/7 with severe anxiety and depression and nothing is helping me . Can someone please tell me their thoughts
My trauma has always prevented me from pursuing a romantic relationship, I’ve always been super terrified of pursuing something with someone for just about every reason I could conjure up. Now, I’ve met someone and I’ve tried so, so hard to push away all those anxieties to make it work; but I feel like the more involved I get, I become more scared and I dwell on more things that may be signs that our “relationship” should end. I keep thinking over and over that I’m not good enough for them, I might be their “target,” they’re not right for me, our feelings are not mutual, it couldn’t work out between us, my friends and family would not approve, I’m not ready for it, etc. Recently, I tried to break things off with them because they were too tall for me. I started sobbing because I was scared that I was being and awful person and I had completely screwed everything up between us. I wanna know if this sounds like ROCD ? I always had a hunch that I could have, but I had never gotten far enough into a relationship to find out. Please feel free to ask me any clarifying questions. Right now I’m probably not making much sense haha.
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