im so tired it feels like its true, constant transphobic thoughts mixed in with thoughts if im a boy. istg im a completely different person and so different to everyone dealing with gender ocd. im heartbroken
The way I describe it to my bf is that I feel like a Alien from out of space (obviously lol) But it feels like I just got here to planet earth and it feels like idk who I am anymore or what I wanna be or I just feel usually off cause I feel like I lost my identity now. So if that's how you feel, just know I completely understand. I'm down to continue the conversation on here if you wanna reply!
@mint_moonlight same lol
@nikkispacee Also do you feel like your brain is just not happy with either or sometimes? Lmfao. Like it just feels like f it, you're neither 😭 Sorry if I been annoying you, I was just surprised to see someone going through the same thing rn
@mint_moonlight yes and ur not annoying me at all dww
i genuinely couldn’t sleep
May I ask, what is it that you think about or how does it feel for you? I'm kinda going through this too as well recently and just wanted to say I relate
@mint_moonlight its such constant self doubt if im a girl or not like ive been lying abt being comfortable as a girl. checking in all kind of ways. as for the transphobic stuff its weird bc i dont remember the thoughts but im having them
@nikkispacee Sorry for the late reply. I was watching my show haha
@nikkispacee But mine is similar to yours but for me it's like, sometimes I'll look in the mirror and notice I look like a guy sometimes? And I'll feel confused cause I feel like I oh maybe I'll look good as a guy but then I start thinking and thinking about it all day long and self doubting. Or like what you said sorda, I never had a problem before but all of a sudden last year I kept having these doubts like oh maybe I am or am i? Am I self doubting a deep desire and so on ? It feels like I'm lying to myself all the time and never know who I am or what I am?? Or what I'm comfortable being anymore. Cause my brain will like be like you wanna be a boy or wanna look like one or you like the idea of it. But tje the other side is like you wanna be a girl but you're confused and so on. The hard thing I'm going through is that usually of i had those thoughts I'd be so anxious but now it feels like I'm in denial??? And now it feels like I'm afraid of being a girl or looking like one or feel like I'm not supposed to be one anymore?????? So ots been so confusing So idk if that sounds similar to how your thoughts work ? Or if it sounds similar to the confusion oh who you are anymore?
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@MountainLion not great, u ?
my ocd has been all over the place the past few days and it’s really exhausting. it’s convincing me i’m lesbian, im racist, i don’t like my bf, or im dying of 5 different diseases. im so tired. i’ve been more physical and keeping myself busy so im not sure why its acting up. within the past hour my ocd told me that i secretly like girls and i cant date my bf and that im racist bc i didn’t think a guy who is a poc was attractive. i feel like a horrible person and i feel like it won’t stop.
I cant do anything anymore without my brain dregdging up proof from my past that I was actually trans and didn't know it, and it all seems so plausible. like I said in my last post its unearthing memories that I didn't even know I have. ik this is just ocd tricking me but I feel like I need to review every moment thoroughly bc I have questioned my gender in the past but always concluded that'd I'd happier as a girl (which is true). everything feels so real and it feels like I am just super in denial. also, how do I tell people about this? I made the mistake of confessing to a teacher on a note and only a couple friends of mine understand the thoughts I get, but I don't tell them everything. however its very hard for me to do basic responsibilities like school work and I always end up overwhelmed, so I'm thinking I may need accomdations. I need to get in touch with my counselor but i'm unsure how to explain all of this to her, being that I don't have a diagnosis....also I feel like I can't talk about this with the majority of my friends because gender ocd is rare to have (increasing my doubts) and, at least school-wise, i'm in very accepting environment for lgbtq and I'm afraid they're just gonna tell me to accept myself. I'm scared of doing erp for this because what if I like it (also cant afford therapy). ive also felt very apprehensive around some of my trans friends and classmates because my brain is going crazy asking "what if you're like them?" and I feel so bad and transphobic for these thoughts. i'm genuinely so tired. one of my closest friends died last year, but my father pointed out that my recent mood has been even worse than it was during that time. i tend to bottle up my emotions a lot, so everyone's just telling me to "let it go" and tell people, but if I do that I feel like i'll end up confessing. i'm so tired and lost.
I’m sobbing right now. I’m convinced that I’ve been in denial all along and that it’s all real. It has to be now. I don’t wanna be a boy but I feel like there’s no way I’m not one if I’m doing these things. There’s no way I’m a cis girl if I’m doing these things. I’m so fucking done with life I feel absolutely trapped. I don’t wanna be a man but fuuuuuuuuck I think it’s real now I’m so fcking done with living. I really feel like I’ve been using OCD as an excuse/a cover up and I’m scared it’s all a facade. There’s no way it’s not real now I’m literally so fcking scared I want it all to stop. If anyone has advice please send some my way. I need it badly
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