im so tired it feels like its true, constant transphobic thoughts mixed in with thoughts if im a boy. istg im a completely different person and so different to everyone dealing with gender ocd. im heartbroken
The way I describe it to my bf is that I feel like a Alien from out of space (obviously lol) But it feels like I just got here to planet earth and it feels like idk who I am anymore or what I wanna be or I just feel usually off cause I feel like I lost my identity now. So if that's how you feel, just know I completely understand. I'm down to continue the conversation on here if you wanna reply!
@mint_moonlight same lol
@nikkispacee Also do you feel like your brain is just not happy with either or sometimes? Lmfao. Like it just feels like f it, you're neither 😭 Sorry if I been annoying you, I was just surprised to see someone going through the same thing rn
@mint_moonlight yes and ur not annoying me at all dww
i genuinely couldn’t sleep
May I ask, what is it that you think about or how does it feel for you? I'm kinda going through this too as well recently and just wanted to say I relate
@mint_moonlight its such constant self doubt if im a girl or not like ive been lying abt being comfortable as a girl. checking in all kind of ways. as for the transphobic stuff its weird bc i dont remember the thoughts but im having them
@nikkispacee Sorry for the late reply. I was watching my show haha
@nikkispacee But mine is similar to yours but for me it's like, sometimes I'll look in the mirror and notice I look like a guy sometimes? And I'll feel confused cause I feel like I oh maybe I'll look good as a guy but then I start thinking and thinking about it all day long and self doubting. Or like what you said sorda, I never had a problem before but all of a sudden last year I kept having these doubts like oh maybe I am or am i? Am I self doubting a deep desire and so on ? It feels like I'm lying to myself all the time and never know who I am or what I am?? Or what I'm comfortable being anymore. Cause my brain will like be like you wanna be a boy or wanna look like one or you like the idea of it. But tje the other side is like you wanna be a girl but you're confused and so on. The hard thing I'm going through is that usually of i had those thoughts I'd be so anxious but now it feels like I'm in denial??? And now it feels like I'm afraid of being a girl or looking like one or feel like I'm not supposed to be one anymore?????? So ots been so confusing So idk if that sounds similar to how your thoughts work ? Or if it sounds similar to the confusion oh who you are anymore?
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@MountainLion not great, u ?
i’m so tired of everything i can’t take the ocd on top of school life no friends no love never will find good love. i can’t be out publicly i’ll never be in the right body i’ll never be happy and stable i just want to dissapear. I will never escape my ocd and my gender. i can’t do this my entire life.
My favourite animal is me when i cry because its possible to be gay and have hocd. Im so tired.i know im just 14.i know. Im simply like men.i know I shouldn’t think about this,but my ocd keep telling me that im not,because i have no experience.I don’t like or want women.i dont.i dont want it to happen.im not homophobic.i try to accept it because im afraid to not be honest with myself,but the pain is more and more. Im afraid that i wont love a man in future,and that i will love a women with no control..i hate that im just a silly teen that isnt “enough to know what i want”. I hate when people say im just young.i hate when my ocd say im just shame to be gay and im still homophobic because of my country(im a lgptq supporter and atheist for a year)i hate reading some people experience with hocd and they was really gay,i hate when my ocd tell me that when i travel to an open country to lgptq im gonne love women,i hate that it seems so true,i hate when i dont know whats ocd and whats not,but all i hope,that i heal from ocd..and still being straight..my peaceful dream..
Today I woke up and immediately was flooded with intrusive thoughts. I was thinking about how I want to remembered when my time on earth is finished. I want to be remembered by my kindness and my heart. I want to be remembered by the lives i’ve changed. But then it hit me. What if you want to be a girl? What if you’re just telling yourself you don’t want to be a girl? I shouldn’t be scared, my family would love me no matter what I was. But this.. This is taking its toll on me. People call me maam all the time. I have feminine features and qualities.. It makes me question everything I know about my life. But I think what makes it worse is that i’m scared but don’t feel scared? Like I don’t feel intense fear like I once did. I know that I don’t want to be a girl. I don’t want boobs or long hair and nails. I have feminine qualities but I just exist. And this morning it’s hitting me very hard. I hate TOCD. I hate that I can’t just have one moment of peace. That it finds ways to seep into my life by finding areas i’m weakest in. I read other people’s stories and kinda do checking with it. And to make it all worse my for you page is FILLED with trans tiktok’s and peoples experiences. It’s making me mad. Why can’t I just be happy? Like everyone else in my house? Why did I inherit this stupid fucking disorder? And why do I question everything single thing about myself. First it was fear I was going to hurt someone and be a monster. And now it’s fucking thoughts of me wanting to be a girl?? Anyways have a nice day guys.
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