Relationship OCD

So no one I ever spoke to has been through this . In every relationship I get into where I think the relationship has potential and will last , I seem to tell myself “what if you cheated on him” and then I’m in my head like “no you would remember “ and I’m like “but what if I don’t remember “ and I spiral down and lose myself and create situations in my head . I’ll bring my past into my future and make it seem like I cheated . I will go and find proof that I didn’t do it and if I can’t find proof I freak out and want to confess . Even tho I DID NOTHING WRONG . It’s awful and has taken a tole on me to the point where I had to get on meds . And the meds saved me . But I still feel these ways, but it doesn’t affect me going to work , or losing sleep ; and eating meals anymore . I never want to feel like a bad person

Ah___

Date posted: 25w

I know exactly how you feel!! I have been dealing with this same exact theme for 2 months now and it’s awful cause my relationship is so important to me. I’m slowly getting better by just accepting: “maybe I did maybe I didn’t. Maybe I cheated maybe I didn’t, oh well, life has to go on”. Which ik is SO HARD because all I want to do is going back mental review, reassure myself by googling, avoid situations, confess, etc. If the thought pops in your head, just acknowledge it’s an uncomfortable thought, say oh well, and focus on what you were doing even if the anxiety doesn’t go away. Don’t mentally review, Google, confess etc just sit with the anxiety. Yesterday I forced myself to not engage with any mental compulsions and it was really hard but today I find the anxiety is quieter. I even have moments like, “wow why was I bugging I know I didn’t cheat on my boyfriend.” Sometimes when I don’t engage with a compulsion I feel that it’s just me accepting that I am a bad person, which just leads to me doing more compulsions and the ocd getting worse and worse. We have to recognize this is part of our disorder, and the only way to feel any sense of relief is to stop our compulsions, and embrace the anxiety our triggers give us. If I see a post online about cheating and I get anxious I just say to myself: “ok that made me anxious and made me wonder if I cheated, it’s making me uncomfortable but ik its just my OCD.” And I keep scrolling. Maybe I read it over again to make me more anxious if I’m up to it, and just make myself sit with the anxious feeling without doing compulsions. That is how we get better, but I know it’s so hard. Out ocd makes things feel SO REAL. It’s Way easier said than done but with a good therapist it gets easier. I’ve been recently reading the book “dare” by Barry McDonagh and it has been amazing. I play the audio book while doing daily things like cooking, cleaning, walking to class. It has also been helping me to view my anxiety as just trying to keep me safe. I just view anxiety as it’s trying to protect the things I love most, and that my relationship is so important to me it’s doing everything in its power to make sure it’s safe. Once I started to accept the ROCD theme, my old themes started resurfacing! This was able to help me recognize: “yeah ok this is ocd and not my real feelings, nice try ocd”. I hope this helps in even the slightest bit, and I know how distressing the thoughts are but doing this is slowly making me feel better

Chickenwang123

Date posted: 25w

@Ah___ No way ! Omg I’m glad I’m not the only one ! Thank you so much . I have tried going to church and seeking god and it has helped ! But my worst compulsion is so bad … I would text people from my past “hey how many times did we hangout “ , “ did we ever have sex “ “when was the last time we spoke “ . It’s so embarrassing but it would make me feel alittle better for the time being . And some people would make me feel worse and make fun of me , or give me a false memory that I don’t remeber , but deep down I know that’s not what happened but yet again I need their reassurance ?? It’s CRAZY .

Andrea Wells

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 24w

That's so distressing, I'm so sorry. OCD can leave you doubting your reality and memories. I've been there, and I know fears that you may have cheated are common with ROCD. That's great that meds have helped make things less severe! Have you done ERP therapy too? Research shows that taking meds AND doing ERP therapy helps you find the most relief from OCD symptoms.

Chickenwang123

Date posted: 25w

And I can’t explain to my boyfriend “hey I have this thing where it makes me think I cheated on you “ . They just don’t get it . I did that with my last boyfriend and he left me because he really thought I was cheating . It sounds bad I get it . But for people who have gone through it , they get it . Others really don’t

Chickenwang123

Date posted: 24w

I have and it doesn’t help. It worsens the feelings and makes them so real that I have to confess.

Chickenwang123

Date posted: 24w

The guilt feeling is the worst thing ever . I can’t ever imagine that I have hurt my spouse . It kills to me to think “maybe I did “ and I can’t live with that “maybe”

Chickenwang123

Date posted: 24w

It’s like my boyfriend would not care if he hurt me, because I have found videos in his phone of other girls when we first just started talking , and he doesn’t feel guilty about that. Like I know we just started talking and got together out of nowhere, but how do I feel so guilty about something I’d probably did and he doesn’t feel guilty about anything.

Anonymous2212

Date posted: 20w

False Memory/ ROCD

I am diagnosed with OCD, ADHD, and mild depression. But my OCD symptoms are so prominent in my daily life where it feels debilitating. It comes in waves, there will be months with very minor symptoms and other times where it comes in random hitting me like a truck making me rethink life. I grew up having intrusive thoughts of all types, and a lot of them sent me over the edge because I couldn’t understand why things of such sort would cross my mind, things that I’m sure to this day that I’m incapable of or would never want to actually do. Yet I find myself in a constant cycle of trying to dig deep in the past and trying to figure out if I ever acted on any of the intrusive thoughts I can remember, yet ofc have no recollection of acting on them because they most likely didn’t happen. However, not having concrete proof of these things makes me not want to see another day sometimes. It is so hard to move into daily basis like this. I’m also in a happy healthy relationship and sometimes I get these thoughts of “what if I’ve done something awful during the relationship (for example, cheat, dishonesty, etc.) and can’t remember?” I know I would never do anything intentionally to harm my relationship and I think that maybe the idea of not having my partner sends me down a rabbit hole to think all these things. This mental fight is getting harder and harder. It feels unbearable. Does anyone have some fruit for thought, relate, or have any tips?

Anonymous

Date posted: 12w

Relationship OCD- fear of cheating

I have this deep fear I’ll accidentally cheat on my long term partner. This fear was initially triggered a couple years ago after being at a bar with my friends where I enjoyed the attention of being flirted with by a stranger. Because of my enjoyment of receiving verbal attention, I began spiraling about what if I accidentally cheat. Since then I have made multiple confessions to my partner to seek reassurance, replayed events over and over in my head, spent hours googling/looking at reddit threads, and now I dread “bar like” situations where I know my partner won’t be around. Today I was triggered and have wasted about 4-5 hours of my day ruminating. Does anyone else with relationship ocd struggle with this fear and have any tips?

DannyO507

Date posted: 9w

I need help

So I have been struggling with the same theme of ocd for 4 months now. My ocd centers around past events/false memories that ocd skews to make seem bad or it twists my thoughts on what my intentions were. this is related to cheating or being weird while I have been in my amazing relationship. I have never cheated on my partner and never will and I believe it is wrong. But my ocd is telling me other wise. I love my partner so very much and I would never want to hurt him but my brain is getting to me. I was getting better. I was trying “maybe I did, maybe I didn’t”, I have been back on meds and in therapy and I stopped confessing random interactions from years/months ago about 1.5 weeks ago and it really helped. But now I woke up this morning and feel the pit in my stomach again. I feel extra critical and like why would you do this? What does this say about you? What was your intention with this? And I’m just stuck mentally reviewing and ruminating on everything you could imagine. I know my personality and I know in the moment maybe I did find them attractive but mainly I was just being nice or funny or even just a good friend, but looking back now I’m like “was it flirting?” “Why did I still snap this person” “why would I even talk to them” and stuff like that. I feel this intense sense of guilt. I have told my partner everything that I keep getting stuck on and he didn’t care, he said he understands or “that’s a little weird but it’s okay” and hasn’t missed a beat. He said eveything I’ve told him is normal and I’ve heard that from my friends too. I just really need help. I don’t know what to do anymore. I am so disappointed because I thought I was gonna be done with this, so why am I still so worried and caught up in this.

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