Do any adults have unhelpful habits they hate?

I have unhelpful habits that I hate having in life, and being left on read and deleting messages is one of them. In the past, I've had experiences where I would try to add something to a conversation and nothing but dead air added to it. No one would say anything and they would just act like nothing was said at all. It was really weird and it sort of taught me in my head that I shouldn't speak my mind about the things I want to with others. It's happened a lot lot less as an adult and it only really happens when someone has the attention of one person 1 on 1, but it happens quite a bit when texting people. Someone at the time, who was my crush just didn't say a whole lot in return when I tried reaching out to her, which at the time made me feel like she didn't really care to have time to talk to me. And while that's probably not true, sometimes, there are just people that might not want to talk to me all that much. I feel this way about other people I don't really know but it's only because I really don't know them all that well. When I do get to know them or get close to them by hanging out with them enough times, that goes away pretty quickly and consistently. But with some other people, it doesn't go away and it makes things awkward. I totally understand that people are busy and that they just may want to do other things, and I'm not putting any fault on them at all. If things don't really get anywhere, they don't get anywhere. I'll just stop trying and move on to someone else. But it doesn't get rid of those unhelpful feelings and beliefs as easily. I hate that I still hang onto false beliefs like this and they don't really go away deep down

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 24w

No joke, I was literally just thinking about how I do this and I’m not proud of it ☠️ You’re not alone, I do it to this day. My mom does it too. It’s kinda petty honestly, but I feel upset and I know it’s irrational. It’s more like I feel bad for mentally insulting someone over my irrational hurt lol. It’s more common than you think, you’re not a bad person for it. I like to say I’m sensitive and I recently came across 2 posts about how ppl with neurodivergence are sensitive to justice. Meaning we can feel a heightened sense of fairness, and when they perceive something as unfair—whether it’s an action from someone else or an external situation—we can react more intensely than others might. That feeling of unfairness might trigger this mental response where we “lash out,” even if it’s not directed at the right target. It’s hard when you’re putting yourself out there and it feels like you’re getting nothing in return, especially when you’re just trying to connect. But it sounds like you’re doing your best to understand it, even though it still stings sometimes. You’re not alone in dealing with this.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 24w

It does help that I'm not alone on something like this but I didn't know it had anything to do with neurodivergence either. I think it ultimately comes from unhelpful thought patterns about myself and others when trying to just fit in. Most times this doesn't even happen but when it does it just hits a nerve that just kinda takes over my thinking sometimes. I think another problem is that I'm constantly waiting for things to happen when I should be taking steps to just try and find new people to meet, even if that gives me some kind of anxiety. I think it's also because for a whole decade now the best way I've gotten to know people is through text.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 24w

@BigGyro09 feel like a lot of our thinking patterns are more tied to neurodivergence than we might realize. I totally understand where you’re coming from. I’ve always had trouble fitting in, and honestly, I still do. I’ve also gotten to know people best through text because I’m way too awkward in person. People say I’m not, but I swear I am. I’ll say something, and either no one knows how to reply, or it just kills the conversation. It can be really discouraging. You should definitely try to meet new people, but I get the need for familiarity. It’s like we’re the most impatient people ever, but at the same time, we’ve been waiting forever for something to happen. I don’t know, I just relate to you a lot. Growing up in a constant state of rejection kinda does this. I’m 23 now, but I still feel like I’m 14, just trying to be liked or seem interesting. Idk. I have like 1 friend, and that’s my bf (and that relationship is a miracle) very little has changed. You’re not alone, put yourself out there, even if you’re not accepted by everyone. You’ll find someone who cares as much as you do :)

BigGyro09

Date posted: 24w

@issphra 🫶🏻 I can definitely see that and agree that nuerodivergence can play a factor in that. I'm not even really sure where it comes from but I remember having social anxiety of certain kinds. My only guess is just genetics. I know all about feeling awkward in person. It just feels like I don't know what to say and I'm so focused on what I will say and all of the what ifs when talking to someone. I do think it's gotten easier though. I really really hate having the conversation be so empty and dead when I try to add something, or when it's ignored and the conversation just goes elsewhere. I think our perspectives of the topic of rejection come from how we saw these things growing up. It doesn't have to always be that way though. I'm sure you've had great interactions with other people and you can still have those by just following the things you love to do. There will always be others that have the same passions as you. That's what I'm trying to use in order to meet new people, whether it's at meet ups or venues. I haven't fully figured it out yet, nor have I tried because of anxiety and all that. I'm glad you have a relationship that you can really rely on and be comfortable with. I think my biggest problem is just not facing my fears head on in life with stuff like this.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 24w

@BigGyro09 I completely get where you’re coming from. OCD is definitely a neurodivergent condition, and it can make social interactions even more difficult, especially when you’re already prone to overthinking everything. Struggling to find your people sucks. But I do think having a better outlook on rejection, even if it doesn’t make it easier, can at least make it feel a little less soul-crushing. And yeah, I know I’m being a hypocrite by saying, “Go out, be rejected, and keep trying!” because I personally know how hard that is. But if nothing else, I just want you to know that you’re not alone in feeling this way.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 24w

I guess I just really want to talk to certain people at certain times but it just sucks when I don't have much to say to them or when I get left on read sometimes. It's no fault to them, but just bad luck I guess.

nistryt

Date posted: 25w

I hate repeating actions

I’m so stressed, my mind is always telling me to recheck my messages that I sent because what if I said something racist, inappropriate or mean to the person I was messaging. Or what if I post something inappropriate or rude, the only way I can somewhat cope is by logging out of my socials every night. But even that is a long progress. Like I have to make sure to read every message I sent and that it’s safe for me to leave it for the night. And if it doesn’t feel right I have to log back in over and over until it looks and feels good to me. I’m so exhausted lol:,)

🌟✨️

Date posted: 23w

Ruminating abt social media again

Adults only as pocd mentioned I'm still thinking abt all the friends online who have unfollowed me,some cases even i think softblocked or fully blocked me. My brain is convinced that I must have done something gross and predatory or I did something racist or in general bigoted and they came to terms with it and left me. I can't stop thinking abt it. I just remembered checking an old discord for a fandom I was in when I was 17,half the people there had unadded me when we were friended and possibly even blocked,I hadn't talked to a lot of them in a long time though,but I thought we were on good terms. I think we also used to follow eachother on tumblr but before I made a new tumblr I remember not seeing their posts after some point and I can't remember if it's just bc I wasn't on much or i unfolloed or I got blocked. I feel I must have done something awful. One of my worst fears is people i care abt or was friends w leaving me and not telling me why,I have so much stuff I did on the internet I feel regret abt and it could be any of those things,as i mentioned i cant stop goint thru old messages and there have been times ive seen me make like a nsfw joke as a teen in a group chat or me not react negatively when someone else in the chat does something weird . I'm constantly scared who the next old friend i have will suddenly disappear one day,letting me wonder if I did something hurtful or predatory or bigoted to them or someone they know. I have so much stuff I regret a lot when i was younger,I have so much stuff I wanna confess but I'd be here all day and I'm bound to forget something then remember it later and spiral.

Gmoki

Date posted: 12w

How to be alone with your thoughts besides ERP?

Hi - just for some context, I have OCD and ADHD. I hate bringing this up, but with these diagnoses, when intertwined, there is ALWAYS a thought. I never stop thinking. This is really hard, especially because I feel like I always need to be talking to someone. Whether it’s my friends or family, talking to people brings me down to earth from certain kinds of thought spirals. However, when I’m alone it is the hardest. When my friends don’t reply I have this compulsion to text again or I need to constantly check my notifications so that I have none left to check. But then to them or new people I talk to, this behavior probably comes across as overwhelming or too much. I’m trying to control it and use erp, but also, I have my moments where I’m just vunerable and give into the compulsion. It’s genuinely so embarassing and maybe not as big a deal as I’m making it out to be but, how do I manage? And how do I relax?

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Do any adults have unhelpful habits they hate?

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