Really dark thoughts

I got a virus, alot of people is sick now, this is another bog virus, i dont know the name, but i talked someone who told me that its normal that this virus attacks your nervous system, and brings up the things we are the most sensitive. I wrote a post before that i had really scary thoughts about maybe i will die tomorrow or i can die anyday, i feel like thats was a sign of that cause now im finding myself being so sensitive about this and also im afraid of depression, suicidal thoughts and feeling hopeless. The biggest problem is that i dont know how to label them,if i say maybe im actually dealing with depression, and i need to work on these dark thoughts then i feel anxious and freak out that im having depression and deep thoughts and then feel shame cause i use fear to hide from a problem which i should take seriously, but if i say its not true, i feel like im lying and not working on my mental health... but these dark hopeless feelings feel so real and the thoughts too, and i know this sounds really ocdish cause everyone says this, but it doesnt feel like the ocd symptoms i have. It seems like ocd is more about me not accepting that im depressed or feeling hopeless which makes me feel guilt more cause that sounds like i just dont want to accept that im actually depressed. Im really afraid that these thoughts and feeling means i have an actual problem, and im actually going through depression. My ocd can be about depression too but i heard from someone that many people with ocd doesnt want to accept that they are depressed and thats the problem, so this makes me feel bad that i have to accept that this is an actual problem. Also with grief, i have a fear over grief cause i think i cant deal with it, and i always has thoughts like "you didnt grieved well" and it makes me really sad and afraid that i will never get out of grief... Whatever i do i feel stuck cause if i accept im going through depression and these thoughts are something i need to work on i just feel worse... I dont know what should i do about this, view it as something i need to work on or its just ocd and the illness getting me where im the most sensitive...

I was told that this illness that im having now(some say its some kind of covid) is attacking people where they are the most sensitive, so it got my mental health and at first it was the fear of my health which im starting to face but now it got deeper and i have feelings of hopelessness and like a depressed feelings and thoughts like things wont get better. And i dont know where this comes from, im afraid this is actually what i believe. Dont know if its ocd or the illness actually made these problem come up what was pushed away by me... When i have these feelings my first reaction is fear and i dont know if its something i shouldnt give attention or the fear is actually bad and it makes me avoid the problem, so i should work on this depression... I dont know whats happening but its scarry and i dont like these dark thoughts. I think i suffer more because of the fear and shame of these thoughts but again i dont know if the fear and shame shows me that i dont need to give attention to these thoughts or the fear and shame actually blocks me to deal with these thoughts and feelings...

I went to internal medicine today, and i'm not perfectly healthy, My liver is a little bit fat, I have to lose weight so thats okay, also I have gallsand, which is not gallstone yet but it can become that if its not treated. Now im like these arent big problems but when i heard these I started to overthink and think about the worse that I will have gallstones cause the doctor said I have it cause it runs in my family(my mother/grandmother and uncle had it) and I just think that it wont go away, and even if i doesn I will be worried all year if it came back. Im just so afraid. Also they said I should go get a blood check, but I said i will hesitate now cause last time i almost fainted and felt horrible the whole day, and now i hear from people i know that they went and they felt sick and vomited there. But the overthinking comes from me thinking if these little symptoms I experienced which I thought its because of anxiety, was because of health issues then the other symptoms I experience sometimes (headache and lightheadedness) are there cause of another health issue, and im worrying about my health, im afraid of death, i keep imagining myself if they tell me that i have terminal illness or something really bad and i dont know how to handle it. Now i feel nausea and i would say its because of stress but i keep thinking that its because of the health issues I have...I don't know how to handle this fear, if you ask others or therapists, they will say "yeah everyone is afraid of death and suffering" or "Try to think about something else" and i wont pay for advices like this...