TW: mentions of self harm

I don’t really know what’s going on today but I’m relapsing hard into wanting to self harm. I haven’t since I was a teenager but ive just got this itch under my skin and it almost hurts more than actually doing it would. I don’t know what to do, all the tips aren’t working. I can’t just do it either because I had a therapist who told me people who self harm go to hell. I just need to get this feeling out of me and I don’t know what to do. I’m not sure why it’s happening. I feel like I need to be punished for something but I don’t know what I did wrong. I guess this is mostly venting but if anyone has some alternatives to self punishment I’d appreciate it. Most of the tips I’ve seen have been for other types of self harm so none of it is really helping. I’ll probably delete this in a bit I just want to get it out. I can’t talk with anyone about it and I don’t see my therapist until th weekend

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

Hello! I'm sorry you're going through this! What tips have you tried that aren't working? I've heard it recommended to put a rubberband around your wrist and snap it, and that apparently helps, but it might still be considered a form of "punishment" still, so maybe you could only use that if the feeling get too serious? And perhaps calming exercises can help? There are breathing techniques and exercises where you use your five senses. I hear you, and I'm also here to just talk and listen to you if you want! I'm listening! :)

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

I'm also sorry that therapist told you that about self harm...

Bleebloop

Date posted: 24w

@Anonymous Thank you… that’s very kind of you. I’ve been trying stuff like deep breathing and distraction and writing out how I’m feeling but so far I haven’t felt better. I’ll try the rubber band thing if it gets too bad- right now holding ice is at least grounding me. Im sorry for even venting about this… I know ill be fine within a day or two, its just odd for it to pop up out of nowhere like this I guess… Either way, thank you for the tips and the kind words. They help a lot <3

Bleebloop

Date posted: 24w

@Anonymous I just hope she isn’t still saying things like that… it’s one of those things that I don’t genuinely believe but it was said at a vulnerable enough time in my life that it’s kind of stuck with me. I try to find the silver lining that’s it’s kept me from relapsing but it’s definitely not the best way to go about speaking about self harm, especially with a scared kid with religious ocd :/

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

@Bleebloop No, don't be sorry! I'm here to listen, okay? We can talk more if you want, it can be about this or something else. I know how lonely and difficult these situations can feel. And don't think it's a problem, okay? Because it's not a problem at all! :)

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

@Bleebloop Yeah, I hope they aren't saying things like that anymore too... I once saw a therapist who wasn't the best either. They almost misdiagnosed me -- I hope they have improved as well. Also, I too have religious OCD. It's a difficult subtype of OCD to have

Bleebloop

Date posted: 24w

@Anonymous Thank you… you’re a very kind person :’) getting it all out is helping. It’s still kinda scary but it’s getting manageable at least. Seriously, thank you for taking the time to talk with me… it’s helping a lot

Bleebloop

Date posted: 24w

@Anonymous I’m so sorry you went through that… bad experiences with therapists suck. I hope that you’re in a better situation now. And religious OCD can be so hard to deal with…

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

@Bleebloop No prob! I understand you're having a difficult time, and I'm so sorry about that and I know it's very difficult, and I'm here to listen to whatever you want to say!

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

@Bleebloop Yeah... I'd say I'm in a better situation, and I hope you're in a better situation too! Also, another recommendation I have is to call a crisis hotline! I've used one before, and it's for self harm too, not just su1c1d3. They're there to help and listen, and they don't intrude on you, and they just talk to the extent that you want to! :)

Bleebloop

Date posted: 24w

@Anonymous I think I’m feeling well enough to try to get some sleep. I’m hopeful that I’ll be able to just sleep it off and it’ll go away. Thank you again for taking the time to chat with me, I hope I wasn’t taking up too much of your time. If it gets bad again I’ll try the hotline… I’ve been tentative to use it since I’m pretty confident I won’t go through with anything, but maybe it would still be a good idea… I know I’ve said it like a dozen times but seriously, thank you for taking the time to talk with me. Just being able to get it out has been a huge help ❤️

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

@Bleebloop Okay, I hope you are able to get some good sleep! I'll be here if you need/want to continue talking, either later tonight if you can't sleep or if you want to talk later on! You didn't take up my time, okay? I'm sorry that you feel like that though; I often feel like I'm taking up people's time too, and I don't like feeling that way, but I assure you you're not, it's not a problem listening. Thank you for being open!

lu22

Date posted: 23w

I really need advice harm ocd

I know we’re not meant to ask for reassurance but I’m currently not in therapy and I need help, it feels scarily real and I feel like I’m not anxious or worried over the thoughts. I had stabbing thoughts about someone I care about and I started deliberately imagining them to test myself to see if I hate it or not but instead it felt like I knew how it feels to stab someone and like the feeling of doing that physical action and I swear it is the worst thing I have ever experienced as well I had moments where it felt like It was about to happen or I keep getting this really sick ‘happy’ feeling that I want to do that and I don’t know what that is but it feels incredibly real almost like I was getting a happy feeling or wanted to do that thing and jsut wasn’t giving into it and now I’m thinking I’m actually evil and it feels like I get a pleasurable feeling over the thought of doing that and would want to do it?? Because I ‘like’ the feeling of doing it or it would ‘feel’ good I swear I really don’t know what to do it feels incredibly real I feel like I can’t even say that I’m worried or scared because I feel like I’m lying and actually want it and have evil desires I’m really concerned, I have never done anything bad in my life, I feel like what if through experimenting and imagining the thoughts to test myself I have suddenly discovered I like it because it feels extremely real that I would ‘enjoy’ or like Doing that evil thing and it’s really concerning, i don’t understand I was fine a few days ago and suddenly I’m experiencing this? Is it possible to suddenly become evil i don’t want to be evil, but what if i like it and my desire to not be evil isn’t as strong as this ‘happy feeling’ i wish I can be normal I don’t want any of this please but I swear I feel like there is something wrong with me, I think this is the worst I’ve ever felt, like it feels like I want it and would enjoy it and it’s making me feel really worried but at the same time I don’t even know if I’m worried please help I need advice

rita555

Date posted: 22w

the compulsions and thoughts are consuming me

these days im feeling so bad, I can’t take it anymore, I have thoughts and images I don’t like that just won’t leave me, I feel so heavy, I want to bump my head into a wall until I pass out so I can have a break, I want my brain ti stop working and leave me alone, I can’t exist like this, I’m constantly thinking about this stuff and feeling disturbed, it just won’t leave, what do I do? sorry if this is written so badly but I really need to vent

xxoxxooo

Date posted: 13w

Nearly a week since I stopped in the middle of a compulsion and I still feel stressed and tempted to finish it. My throat, ears, head, chest, legs,arms, my body has been hurting since then. And if I finish it will it stop? But what's stopping me is.. I've been trying to trust God to handle it. Idk what to do rn, Ive been trying to set up a schedule for this week but it ended up not working out so I will try again next week, and School work I'm years behind (I'm in yr 10), I don't rlly have any friends either to help me. But anyways I try not to think about school that much since I have alot more to think about. And I don't even have any talent or anything I want to be I just want to be a good person but I'm horrible I just need to do focus on stuff Like getting closer to God. looking after myself. The OCD thoughts which. I can't do any of these tho because the OCD makes me so stressed I just want to hit the OCD in the face but I can't obviously so I do it to myself, And they make me want to do more to myself but I don't because ✝️ And I don't want to. Anyways I can't even do the basic things to look after yourself, and The OCD thoughts keep saying about death all the time, and illness. I don't like hearing it in my head all the time I can't do anything properly. And Those thoughts are active when I try read the Bible. Even when I used an audio bible. And a app where u read 1 verse at a time it's still hard. But basically what do I do My throat keeps feeling weird like burning without the feeling hot ughhshsheh I don't want to go back into that life when I was 12-13 where I was worrying about my health and checking with doctor all the time

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TW: mentions of self harm

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