Sexual Real event ocd.

Getting eaten alive by thoughts right now, when I was a child me and other kids around my age would experiment and do things we shouldn’t have, I’m talking very young, like 3-5 as I got older I was for whatever reason always curious to a horrible extent and it lead me to do in appropriate things to kids around me, I was 7-8 at the time. I would say it happened 3 times in total in my childhood. And i eventually told my parents the last time it happened because even though I didn’t know it at the time. I had ocd. And I knew it was bad. That was when it all started. I feel absolutely disgusted with my 7 year old self and it comes up every once in a while especially when I hear anything about sexual abuse. I’m nearly 20 now and I enjoy my life for the most part and I’ve been down the ocd path before but I feel unforgivable. And I never want to tell anyone about it, but my ocd seems to want that. I have a beautiful girlfriend that had some traumatic things happen to her and I love her with my soul. I don’t ever want that to come up. Because that’s not who I am. When will I be able to forgive myself? If at all I hope I’m not alone.

Real Events OCD

nae nae

Date posted: 23w

Definitely not alone. Looking back on those events doesn't bother me nearly as much as it did when I experienced my first bad OCD episode, but it still finds a way to weed itself into my thoughts. What's helped me is understanding that I'm viewing these events with the mind of an adult, not that of the child I had been back then. It's quite common for kids to experiment, as we're naturally curious when we're younger. Even if we had some idea that what we were doing wasn't "right," we didn't understand to what extent. We couldn't have at that age unless it'd been explained to us. That little version of you no longer exists in this world. It's human nature to make mistakes. It's how we learn and grow. The fact that you care at all is proof that you have. I agree with the other comment that it'll take time to forgive yourself. Treat yourself gently until then 🤍

krelia

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 23w

Hi! I understand where you’re coming from. I’ve had things that I regret when I was younger in my past that ocd has brought up and I’ve felt the urge to confess. Give yourself grace. It takes time to get to a point where you can forgive yourself. You can do this and your past doesn’t define you. Remember that

Parker_b

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 23w

I may be a conqueror. But sometimes, this gets heavy and I need support

analyze2well

Date posted: 23w

Hey there! I have similar memories that come up too. They are just memories. I know how hard it is to analyze but try to treat it like any other obsession

graygoose-2

Date posted: 23w

This happened to me too, but with cousins. We were really little, I barely remember it. I feel guilty now… nearly 12 years later. What should I do? I feel like I should confess to everyone.

graygoose-2

Date posted: 23w

@graygoose-2 I would look at their privates and show them mine. We were curious, but I feel like a really bad person for some reason.

anonymous2580

Date posted: 24w

Remembering things from my childhood

(20f) I have been dealing with severe OCD symptoms for as long as I can remember. I recently got diagnosed about a year ago, and even though I know that these thoughts are probably my ocd, I still cant shake them. Growing up I was always very sexually curious. I was sheltered from a lot of things, as I went to a private school and things like sexuality and sex were never talked about. I remember doing some weird sexual things growing up (never affecting another person), looking up taboo sexual things, etc. I always seemed to become aroused no matter what the situation was, even if I just saw someone getting changed. I have no recollection of being SA'd, so i'm wondering where this all came from? Was I just curious and wanted to experiment and try different things? Or am I really a pervert, pedophile, etc. I have all these thoughts racing through my head and it's killing me. Everything I did as a kid I look back on and am disgusted, as those don't align with my views at all today. I never thought growing up thinking these things were wrong, or actually realize what they were until I got older. I'd like to think it was just my curiosity, but i'm not sure. What if i'm in denial and actually do like these things? I just need to know if theres something wrong w me, I cant keep going on like this. Could really use some advice.

ghost

Date posted: 23w

Blurting things out loud (POCD and Real Event OCD)

i need some advice!! when i was 16, i was watching an anime and this character had abs and he was 12. i remember at the time (from what i can remember), i made a weird comment on his physique. saying things like “omg how did he become this buff haha.” and “oh im going to jail.” i even said “it’s only a 4 year difference.” like WHAT?!? just because it’s a 4 year difference, doesn’t make it okay. its WEIRD!! why would i say that? i also want to mention that i have a hard time keeping my thoughts to myself bc of my ADHD, so i tend to blurt things out. i just find it disturbing that i would have such thoughts, let alone say it out loud. i never had attraction to kids bc its immorally wrong and disgusting, but i feel no different from the ppl who would hurt children irl. I’ve tried forgive myself multiple times, but what i did is irredeemable. i feel like i am using my OCD as an excuse. i am so scared that i am a p, i want to d1e. my life is ruined.

danielllll

Date posted: 16w

Feeling extremely guilty and don’t know what to do

I think I know what honestly is what caused my OCD. I’ve never told anyone this but I have to if I want help. When I was either 10 or 11, I think 10 I was at my family’s thanksgiving dinner. Around this time I discovered porn and got addicted. I would watch porn and read erotica. Because of this I guess I wanted to experiment. I feel absolutely horrible just thinking about this but I was playing around with my little cousin, he was around 7 I think and I remember we were playing chase or hide and seek, and I grabbed him and hugged him (something I never done before), and got a boner. I did this for pleasure. That’s all I did that was sexual but I feel so horrible. I try to give myself grace as I was only 10 and didn’t know the consequences of something so disgusting. I keep thinking “what if I went farther and hurt him?”. I talk to him sometimes and he seems comfortable with me and I think he doesn’t even remember this ever happened and just thought I hugged him for some reason all those years ago. I am NOT attracted to him at all but I think this incident and remembering it when I was 14 has caused my OCD such as POCD for all these years. I am 18 now but I feel absolutely horrible. And now it’s even worse because I have been invited to his 15th birthday party in Mexico. I’m traveling all the way to another country just to be near him! Obviously I know I won’t touch him or be innopropriate with him. But what if he has felt uncomfortable with me all this time? He seems fine with me and not uncomfortable around me but still. If I feel as if I go to this trip, I am a horrible person. I don’t know what to do. Am I a horrible person for what I did and continuing to be around him? I remember reading Reddit and Quora stories of similar people who felt horrible and people told them to not feel bad as they were only children and they learned and now know that was wrong and that to not tell anyone as it could only make things extremely awkward.Please help. I know COCSA is a very serious topic that harms people and I feel like a horrible perpetrator now.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Sexual Real event ocd.

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community