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How long is it been going on?

Omg, this happens to me too! Don’t worry, I’m pretty sure it’s just your OCD trying to make you ruminate. Same with dreams, I wake up horrified, wondering if I dreamt something bad and liked it. Realizing I’ve been thinking without constantly being on high alert freaks me out too because what if I had a horrible thought and didn’t feel the anxiety that reassures me it was intrusive? If you feel the urge to comb through every thought you had, try not to, that’s a compulsion. You’re feeling a lot of anxiety, and that’s probably what’s causing the distortions. The “what if” doesn’t feel like a question, it feels like an answer we can’t quite reach, a lost memory we can’t remember, and a fact we don’t have proof of. Very likely OCD trying to get you to do compulsions again!