past struggles

this is me being very vulnerable today. i’m struggling with thoughts of my abortion i had 2 years ago. i was 11 weeks pregnant. it was a very difficult decision and a very hard time mentally for me , as the guy i was with was very controlling. i was on and off with him all through high school and we dated on and off as well then we moved in together , i got pregnant almost immediately after we moved in together. it’s something i never seem to have healed from nor have i spoke to a professional about my grief due to it either. i had the abortion with a previous boyfriend and now that im in a new relationship its hard to talk about it so i don’t bring it up because i don’t want him to think i still want my ex. i’m having lots of negative thoughts and emotions today and feel like id be better off gone. i keep telling myself it’s better to regret not having kids then to regret having them. my minds just all over the place , i’m all flustered, i feel sick and sweaty and just not myself at all today. just need someone to talk to…

Drew777

Date posted: 23w

Hi. I'm sorry you're sad about your past abortion... I don't really know how to help entirely, but I'm here to talk friend. You're not better off gone though. Don't feed into that lie. God loves you and has you here for a purpose. We've all done things we regret or are uncertain about if we handled the situation fully right. It doesn't really help to think about what maybe you should or shouldn't have done though. What happened happened. And it's okay, because today is a new day, and your life is still valuable and you have purpose. Stay strong and fight the good fight olivia_123.

things_willg...

Date posted: 23w

@Drew777 thank you for your kind words drew , not gonna lie i teared up ! this is what i needed to hear. 💗💙 feel free to message me if you ever need someone to talk to !!

Drew777

Date posted: 23w

@olivia_123 You're welcome Olivia. I'm glad I could help. :) I'm not able to check this app all during the day because of work, but if you need someone to talk to, feel free to reach out and I'll try to respond at some point during the day. Is there a messaging system on here now for the community? I was only ever able to message my therapist.

things_willg...

Date posted: 23w

@Drew777 i don’t think there’s a option for messaging on here ! unless it’s therapist 😔

Mitu_001

Date posted: 23w

I am really sorry.I want to tell you that you are not alone.And you did what you thought was the best.As u said is better to regret not having kids then to regret having them.I really reccomend you to talk to a therapist if you can and when you think you can.And is not true..what your brain is telling you.You deserve to be here.

things_willg...

Date posted: 23w

@Mitu_001 thank you so much 💗 it means a lot when people take time out of there day to help out a stranger struggling. shows how good of a person you are my friend ! i’m hanging in there , some days just harder than the others. i started therapy last week and i think that it’s starting to open up some old wounds but i know that’s the best way to heal is through the pain and not around it 💗

Mitu_001

Date posted: 23w

@olivia_123 Thank u! I hope therapy will help! I know how difficult it is.Take it one step at a time♡ Remember that are people who care about you.You matter

flyana

Date posted: 21w

oh my god, I'm struggling today

tw . . . . . . I don't want to trigger anyone, so please be warned before reading. I'm feeling pretty hopeless. I don't know if I deserve... anything. I've had two therapists now tell me I'm normal and I don't need to worry so much, but I find it hard to believe them. Just when I think I'm doing okay, thoughts flood back in. I feel like the world is better off without me in it and that others would agree if they weren't a paid therapist there to give me reassurance. I'm tempted to break up with my boyfriend because he doesn't deserve this. I want to pretend I'm okay for the sake of my parents. But if they passed away, I'm not sure I'd have much strength to live for myself. This feeling is pretty bad right now. Overwhelming. I have absolutely no love for myself. I can't even distract myself by watching TV or shows I love, because all I can think is, "Look at those people. They deserve to live and be happy, and I'm not one of them." Gah, this is bad. I'm an adult, and I feel like such a baby for feeling this way. How dramatic am I? How can other people have similar (if not worse) thoughts than me, and then still be ok with themselves? I miss the person I used to be. I miss feeling okay. I feel ok momentarily, but then it all comes crashing down. I can't stand it. All I want is for things to go back to how they used to be.

str4berrycoo...

Date posted: 18w

how i deal with the "what ifs" (+18)

i feel like i have been posting a lot about this and i will try to stop since now but i just don't know where to start or what to do, and i can't take therapy right now either. my event is about something that did actually happen; i had a boyfriend and we had a 1.5 age difference (i know this sounds stupid) but the thing is that we both started to sext a lot since he was 14 and i was 15. we shared audios videos pictures ect and i don't know how to just let this go, even when i know that i never really forced him into anything and i was always constantly worried about him being comfortable, when to stop and ect. the memories keep coming back to my mind and the guilt is eating me up slowly because i keep thinking that i'm a predator or a groomer or something like that. i don't know how to deal with the what ifs either, lately i haven't stopped thinking what if i sexually harassed or sexually exploited him or something like that. how do i deal with the cycle of guilt and constant what ifs if i also feel like my event is worse than others i've seen? please help me with this. it's getting a lil tiring and even if somedays i know how to deal with this, i still get really triggered sometimes. this wouldn't even bother me before, i wish i could just get back in time before this theme popped into my mind. my life has been a hell since then and i live constantly scared and suicidal.

rainbows

Date posted: 17w

repost?

I made a post earlier today about my past and things that happened and maybe I didn’t phrase it really in the best way haha :’)) so I’ll try and make it shorter. February has been complicated for me and recently. First my mental health was bad because of studies but I had this thought regarding my past that was a little tempting and led me to spiral on about my past, I gave into it and that really took me for a whole spin. I’ve started to open up about things that I never thought I would talk about and even slowly opening up to my therapist. These things happened in childhood and I mimicked actions I saw at a young age ( despite these things happening, it was only just one side of my childhood ) and even though it’s still not easy for me to deal with it, I often have the urge to confess and fear that it’s my intuition telling me to confess and if I don’t, something bad is going to happen or I’m a bad person. I’ve talked about my story to someone in a detailed way and to my therapist briefly and she understood and treated me with kindness but these thoughts still linger. Sometimes it gets to a point where I have the thought briefly telling me negative things but it doesn’t focus on the good things that happened and how I’ve learned and not repeated the action. It just focuses on the bad and when I just pause , it goes silent and keeps quiet, I realise that it’s all just thoughts.

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