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Alot is on my mind u feel like I’m going to lose my mind , not really a lot but if I think too hard I think I’m gonna lose my mind , I was trying to slp n I think I’m gonna lose my mind , I’ve always been having thoughts about going crazy it never really changed , I have other thoughts and triggers but they always somehow lead Bk to me thinking I’m going to lose my mind , guys I’m so tired , do I even have ocd

I have a lot of compulsions that seem hoarding-esque but I can’t figure out which subtype of OCD they fall under. The two major drivers of this for me seem to be a fear that I will forget about them or the memories attached to them or that the things and their significance will be lost to time, and that I might need or want them in the future. I compulsively make lists of things (ex. things I like, things I don’t like, who I am, the contents of my ideal fridge - very plain with lots of fruit) just in case. I heart nearly every song I hear on Spotify (except the ones I actively strongly dislike, of which there are not many) just in case I will forget about them later on (and because I feel guilty about not hearting the song and supporting the artist if I have no valid reason not to but that’s a whole other can of worms). I have a couple containers of “good” boxes of all shapes and sizes that I’ve collected that, as it turns out, I never actually look at or use. When I was very little, before my family and I knew I had OCD, I had a “sticker book” in which I would put every sticker I ever got - because I didn’t like the idea of putting them on anything that I might lose access to. I even found my mother’s stamps and obsessively put one of each kind in my sticker book (there were soo many, it took me hours). I have trouble letting go of things, especially if I have any sort of memory attached to it whatsoever. Because, my mind says, what if I forget? My camera roll consists, in large part, of an enormous amount of screenshots of far too many little things that I encounter, and it is extremely rare that I actually look back at them. But the other data I was looking for something I thought I took a screenshot of and I couldn’t find it, so this compulsion is back and much worse. On my computer I can’t open the photos app without it crashing and the number of screenshots I have on there is shown in eight digits. I also have tens of thousands of tabs open in my browser at any given moment (I can’t close them, what if I forget?). I really wish I were exaggerating. I also take an excessive amount of photos of many things throughout my day (I counted once and I took 46 pictures of the same tree when I went on a walk). These are just some little examples of how this obsession manifests in me and my life. Does anyone else experience something similar? I’d love to hear about it.

Today was just too much. While doing coding, I couldn’t understand one code logic and my brain got completely stuck. I felt like screaming loudly but didn’t want anyone to hear me. Then the milkman brought the milk, so I thought I’ll boil the milk and make some green tea, maybe I’ll feel better. The sugar I was going to use had ants in it a few days ago. I had kept it in sunlight and the ants ran away. Now every day I take out just the amount of sugar I need and lightly clean it, just checking if there’s a dead ant or not. But today I brought the sugar into the light to clean it and ended up just cleaning and cleaning. I saw tiny black dots and started picking them out. When I looked closely at one of them, I felt like it was ant droppings. Then I started cleaning it deeply, probably spent half an hour just cleaning four spoons of sugar. I kept thinking I should just throw it all away. I even imagined myself throwing it away multiple times. My mind was so disturbed but I controlled myself thinking all my effort will be wasted. Then I thought—if one day I’m alone in a jungle, and there’s a dog eating a dead animal, or a dog eating another dead dog, and I haven’t eaten in days—will I try to scare the dog and eat the dead animal? Yes, I would have to. And what if there’s no water to clean it? Still, I would have to eat it out of helplessness. So after all this, I finally relaxed a bit and put the sugar into the milk. And decided that tomorrow I’ll buy new, clean sugar from the shop. I don’t know what all this is... Is this overthinking or am I becoming mentally ill?