Questioning my mental health

When im around family everything feels under control and normal and i believe that I am not struggling with anything. Almost as if im living in a bubble…But the moment i am alone i start questioning myself, my experiences, my thoughts, my emotions. I start worrying over small things or become focused on my body sensations when i think that food will not sit well with me, feel sad and emotional….idk i feel like this sounds crazy and stupid coming from a 28 year old….

Anonymous

Date posted: 23w

I feel the exact same way. Social interaction helps to distract from the thoughts, but they come back when you are alone. Sometimes if my mental health is doing extremely bad, the thoughts will even start to seep in when im with friends. And it's like I start to shut down and panic while trying to remain the outward appearance that I'm fine. But on the inside I'm in a full blown panic and I'm breaking down. Typically those times lead to my biggest downward spirals

its_izzy

Date posted: 23w

@Anonymous I’ve felt this too. Even around friends i don’t feel comfortable with my own thoughts cos they end up just leaking out. I feel like everything is piling up again and the only way out is if i talk to my parents about whats been really going on, but that means disclosing things I’ve hardly shared with them. And I don’t like confrontation or having big conversations with them which makes this so much harder so i just end up keeping it in, journaling about it and moving along until this passes….i really dont know what to do about this anymore

Anonymous

Date posted: 23w

@izzyrey Yea I get that. It is tough. I'm looking into therapy, maybe even journaling, because it's like a constant cycle at this point. I feel fine. Then I start to get intrusive thoughts but they aren't bad so I can kinda just move on from them or hang out with friends to silence them. But eventually they get louder to the point where they won't go away. And I end up giving into compulsions. In the moment the compulsion may help to end the thoughts. But not always. Sometimes they just make me feel worse about myself which inevitably leads to more thoughts. And it all spirals till I do something reckless or dangerous that shocks me back to realizing that I need to stop before I hurt myself more or others. With that realization i can typically get some peace and gain back control. I can feel like I am okay, and just try to forget all the shit i did as compulsion. I feel calm for like a week or two before the whole situation repeats. I've been doing this for about 6 years now (I was 15 when it started, but now I'm 21). And it's only gotten more intense and frequent. For context my theme is SO-OCD (specifically HOCD). And that makes hanging out with friends hard, cuz sometimes I'll get an intrusive thought about a friend of mine. Wondering if I actually have a crush on them. Overall, i don't really know if I can help you, but I do think that therapy and possibly medication is probably the best solution to healing. Especially if you go to a therapist who specializes in OCD like one through NOCD (Because a lot of therapist aren't very familiar with OCD and may actually misdiagnose it's symptoms as just Amxiety, which has very different treatment). If you feel comfortable you can tell your parents, but be weary that you aren't using it as a compulsion for your OCD. Like to seek reassurance.

its_izzy

Date posted: 23w

@Anonymous I resonate with your post so much. I also deal with SO-OCD and pure O, so most of my compulsions are either mental or avoidant. I hardly hang out with friends since like 2018 so I don’t really have to deal with questioning whether i will fall for them or not (but I’ve definitely been there). Being around the LGBTQ community gets me so overwhelmed that id rather not cos in my head it only solidifies that i do identify with the community and then i start spiraling and questioning that im actually not…its so exhausting and frustrating…

Anonymous

Date posted: 23w

@izzyrey Yea it is tough. It's funny though, because I'm like the opposite. Seing most gay people and the LGBTQ community typically actually gets rid of my anxieties. Because I'm so different from them. It like confirms to me that I'm not like them, but I can still respect them. Funnily enough it's the ultramasculine people arround me that cause the most anxiety. Because I always fear that I am inferior to them, and compared to them I am undoubtedly just gay. Especially when arround masculine gay men, cuz I spiral and start to think that if he is more masculine and better looking than me and he is gay then I probably am too. I know that makes no sense. And that being gay has nothing to do with masculinity and femininity, but my brain still always thinks about it and starts to spiral.

Raisa5

Date posted: 23w

I'm pretty sure I've been suffering from ocd in the form of rocd lately, and in the midst of it I was questioning if I need to break up. That led to thinking of being alone and it automatically gave me panic attacks because I felt like I could foresee exactly how that would go and feel, which is like how you've explained. Alone, insane, stuck with thoughts (especially thoughts influenced by other forms of ocd). I was really trying to focus deeeeeeply on self care, self exploration (trying to see why I'm so scared to be alone with myself), the positives of being alone. Didn't help a ton but I know it's something I need to work on whether in a relationship or not. Trying to find who I am alone and what ways I can best help myself mentally by doing things I love, even finding things I love to on my own! Also, never crazy and stupid no matter the age (even when it feels like there's no excuse at this age - sincerely, a close by 27 y/o)

its_izzy

Date posted: 23w

@Raisa5 Thank you for the validation, yeah sometimes i feel like i have no reason to be feeling/acting like this because on the outside my life is relatively normal and quiet, but on the inside its sort of a different story…and i end up feeling conflicted…and questioning whats actually true or not. I resonate heavily with foreseeing certain situations and how they would play out which just makes me feel on edge.

its_izzy

Date posted: 24w

I think i need help…..

Idk whats going on…my mental state hasnt been great these past two weeks. My eating is being affected in a neg way due to transition between therapists, school, and ignoring my sexuality….Ive been taking several different kinds of quizzes over the past week regarding mental health and ED and i realized that if i dont eat enough to feel full i’ll end up sick or worse dead. It doesn’t help that i also just started my period. And i just woke up in the middle of the night with food, hydration, and possibly not waking up in mind. And tried going back to sleep but then i realized that I might actually have a problem on my hands and that jolted me awake. Now im scared of sleeping and not making it through the night….i could easily get up and make myself an oatmeal even though im not hungry atm, but dont wanna wake family that are sleeping in the living room. Im scared of dropping more weight than I already have been and having my nutritionist intervene…. Im realizing that im fucking myself up from not eating well and being too picky and i wanna slap a bandaid on it and just eat everything to hopefully gain some weight before my next nutrition appt. I’m just scared of things getting worse….is this part of OCD or is it just me just plain out ignoring my body cos in feeling like it??? Idk what to believe about myself anymore….

moon0270

Date posted: 20w

Does anyone else experience this

In the past I used to isolate myself when I was feeling bad or when my mental health became poor. now I feel like I don't want to be alone because I'm scared that when I'm alone, something bad will happen or i'll lose control and do something bad. And I feel like when I'm around someone e.g. my mom, it's easier to just let the thoughts go because at least there's someone there to verify that I haven't done anything bad.

Anonymous

Date posted: 10w

Not feeling like myself

Lately I just feel like I’m on the verge of losing it and I don’t know why. I feel so uncomfortable in my own body. Physically and mentally. Not due to insecurity but just that something isn’t right… I never feel good, I’m always fatigued, my head hurts all the time, but my blood work comes back fine so doctor’s will do nothing. I have anxiety and panic attacks and recently I guess depression since I’m always down. I have relationship OCD so my partner deals with me not being sure of him constantly and it breaks my heart. I don’t want to leave him because he’s great but half the time my brain is telling me he isn’t the one. I keep counting as well, constantly counting every letter in every word and every word in every sentence… it just feels like I’m gonna go insane one of these days and I’m scared. When I talk to someone about this, they have no clue what to tell me or how to help. Am I alone in feeling this way??

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