OoOcCdD66

Date posted: 26d ago

R-OCD...cheating fears

Currently I have several different OCD fears that pop up throughout the week depending on the situation. I've noticed a commonality between all of them are the fears relating to memory/false memory. Today is the ROCD struggle I've been dealing with. I know OCD has been trying this on me lately because of how much I love my spouse. They are my absolute best friend and she's my world. I value our marriage and friendship more than anything. OCD has latched onto one specific female coworker. And I don't even know why because even if I were single I wouldn't be into her. Even still, OCD makes me think I've cheated on my wife every time I'm alone with this coworker at work. Always starts as a what if, followed by imagery, followed by feelings that I must've actually done something and can't remember it. Usually fearing I've kissed her. It hurts because I know I'd never do that to my wife and I love her so much...the idea of losing her kills me, especially if it were the result of something I did. Just wanted to vent. Feel free to share your experiences or vents as well

TexasOCD41

Date posted: 26d ago

I can totally empathize with this. i feel the same about my husband, he is my best friend and the answer to all my prayers. So when OCD came along and took an ACTUAL real event of a time i went to watch a movie and made out with another guy a few weeks before i started dating my now husband, it turned it into " well what if it WASNT BEFORE you started dating, but after? what if you cheated on your husband from the very start" and let me tell yoooouuuu that ATE-ME-ALIVE. my husband loves to give affection, and tell me how wonderful i am and how much he loves me and when i was stuck in the OCD false memory i felt SICK, i felt like i didn't deserve his love because what if i cheated on him? after 5 months of HELL trying to figure it out, going thry old phones, trying to track dates and time, i even reached out to the guy i made out with to see if he remembered( 4 years ago) so naturally he did not. all of my searching only made things worse, it made everything feel more real the more time i spent on it. i finally started medication because i was making myself sick over it, stopped eating, missed work, kinda lost my mind for a bit, and started working with an NOCD therapist and we came up with some tricks that helped me stop ruminating about this. the biggest one, was " if it didn't matter then, it doesn't matter now" which basically means that... i know the type of person i am, i know that if i ever actually cheated on my husband i would be SIICK with guilt and would confess immediately, so for me to have gone 4 years of bliss then all of the sudden, we moved into a new house ( big life changes often trigger OCD flares) and one month later, now I'm panicking over something 4 years ago??? but i didn't panic at the time??? hmmm, that tells me its OCD, its uncomfortable yes but its simply not real. You seem like me, you seem like if you were to betray your wife, you would confess immediately... so just use my phrase " it didn't matter then, it doesn't matter now, so it probably never happened" ( i use the word probably because its a way to strengthen your brain to accept uncertainty) it doesn't mean there is actually a chance something bad happened, it just means certainty doesn't exist for ANYTHING and its important to embrace that. i even acknowledge that sure there might be a 1% chance i did cheat on my husband, i have better odds of winning the lottery lol, a 1 in 1 million probability is not worth my time to analyze, that is what you have to tell yourself. a .5% chance of your fears begin true? HA! ogo buy a lotto ticket, see if you win, becuase with OCD, that's how convincing it is. don't modify your behavior to satisfy OCD. keep working with this co-worker as if nothing happened ( because it didn't) and just remind yourself 100 times a day if you need to, " didn't matter, doesn't matter, not important" and you WILL get past it. I'm over my issue and SO happy with my husband.

OoOcCdD66

Date posted: 26d ago

Hey thanks for the reply! And yes, we are very much alike in regards to us feeling the need for instantaneous confession if these things were true. My current experience is only differing as it's current. Meaning when I interact with certain people I worry that I'll do something bad or worried I kissed someone and instantly forgot about it. It's like instantaneous false memory OCD. Today for example this coworker spoke to me and as soon as the very brief conversation ended I worried that I could've cheated on my wife and instantly forgot about it. Then it turns into "well you're feeling guilt so it might have very well happened and you do remember it!". It unfortunately has been happening most times me and this coworker interact. I know how ocd works as I've had it for a long time now, but it never gets easier when it's going full blast. And again, it doesn't even make sense because even if I were single I wouldn't be into this person nor would I just randomly kiss or touch someone. Even still OCD likes to try and inject not only doubt, but shame,guilt, and depression as if it did actually happen. I love my wife with my soul and couldn't live with myself if I did something like that. Knowing that reaffirms I'd never do that. But even still, it's called the 'doubting disease' for a reason haha. I'm still anxious now despite this spike taking place early this morning. But I'm working through it! I just needed to vent it out

🖤SavageGirl🖤

Date posted: 26d ago

I HAVE THIS ALL THE TIME. Any guy I talk to (even the gay guy) I start freaking out afterwards because "what if I smiled because I like him?? I'm cheating on my fiance. But I love him-- nope, you're lying." TwT It makes it hard to talk to him because I don't know if that's okay or not.

TexasOCD41

Date posted: 26d ago

bless your heart. being in a relationship doesn't mean you automatically become a B**** to every other male in the world. I'm married, i also work in an office of 5 men. i smile, i laugh, i joke, i play pranks, i dress nice, i do all these things becuase they are my co-workers and i LIKE them, they are my friends. i don't LOVE them, i don't want to sleep with them behind my husbands back. Dont let OCD take away being human. you are allowed to enjoy peoples company. everything depends on intent. if your intent behind your smile is to try to hook up with him, then that's not something you need to do, but if your intent it to just be a nice, friendly person and enjoy someones company, that's normal, encourage, and called being a good human being. btw.... cheating is when you actively hide romantic behavior, like kissing, sex, texting, stuff like that from your husband with the intent of getting sexual and romantic gratification from that other persons, smiling at someone is NEVER EVER going to be considered cheating.

🖤SavageGirl🖤

Date posted: 26d ago

@TexasOCD41 - Thank you, and I know, I just spiral TwT Like, "What if I never loved him in the first place??? What if I like this guy more?" I don't and I know that, but the intrusive thoughts are so BIG.

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 26d ago

Hi there! You are right on the money. OCD loves to latch onto what matters most to us in this world. That's OCDs "survival instinct" in a way - if we didn't care, we wouldn't listen to it! OCD loves to shape-shift, too, moving around to different concerns and themes depending on what you're concerned about in the moment. This is why it's so helpful to work with OCD & ERP specialists who can help identify some of these commonalities you're starting to notice, and apply ERP in a way that can hopefully address multiple worries at a time. I would highly encourage you to consider working with an ERP therapist. You can book a 15 minute call with the care team through this app if you'd like to learn more. In the meantime, here are some resources that may be helpful! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UK3PCMRsn8Ihttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGTDv6mzrkU https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/relationship-ocd

OoOcCdD66

Date posted: 26d ago

Hey, thanks for the discussions everyone! Yeah ocd is a pain! Haha. Idk why it tries to convince me I've kissed other woman when I have not or have no desire too. I'd never cheat on my wife, but it tries to make me feel like I have and the guilt/shame/sadness is real despite the feared act not being so. I'll respond more to your guys comments when I can!

tvmiller

Date posted: 26d ago

I relate to all of this thread SO MUCH. I feel terrible guilt and intrusive thoughts for connecting with male friends (new and old). This happens even when I don’t find the person physically attractive, and much more if I do. It’s happened with friends, coworkers, even a non-biological family member. Complete whackamole obsessions. I also feel guilt/shame intrusive thoughts about past relationships with people I dated before I even knew my husband. All of it feels like cheating, all of it makes me feel sick, doubt my marriage, and feel uncomfortable around my husband. This, despite knowing how much I love him. I’ve stopped confessing it all to him because now I know that’s a compulsion. But the fact that I did confess it, for many years, and he loved and supported me, just goes to show how connected we are in our happy marriage. But OCD doesn’t care. It’s an evil voice whispering, “but what about this guy? That guy? What does it MEAN?” Exhausting.

OoOcCdD66

Date posted: 26d ago

Do you ever fear you've actually done something as well? I get false memory like obsessions after an interaction and fear I acted inappropriately, kissed them, or actually did cheat in someway and just somehow instantly forgot about it. Thanks for sharing your experience by the way

tvmiller

Date posted: 25d ago

@OoOcCdD66 I haven’t experienced that but have read posts from other who have. It sounds SO hard. Mine are intense guilt about imagined feelings or things i actually did do that i know (rationally) i don’t need to feel guilty about. In every circumstance, extremely outsized guilt and irrational thinking. That seems to be a huge part of ROCD, whatever form it takes. Thanks for sharing your experience too.

OoOcCdD66

Date posted: 22d ago

It's happening again today as she once again approached me for a quick convo. I'm trying my best to use this opportunity as an exposure and sit with this anxiety. But man I'm so tired of it. OCD in general. It's so annoying. I miss being able to go long periods of time anxiety free. I've forgotten what that's like as I've dealt with this for years now.

OoOcCdD66

Date posted: 20d ago

Again today.....I'm tired of it 😔. Literally anytime we interact I fear I have kissed her or something and instantly forgot. Or fear that I will or am about to when we speak. And I do not want that...I adore my wife. OCD sucks. After all these years I still fall for its tricks and let it fill me with needless shame and guilt

Anonymous

Date posted: 17w ago

Obsessing over coworker for months OCD

You know when you have weird thoughts about a coworker and because you have OCD these thoughts really stick and you panic and feel sick? Yeah that’s me and I’ve struggled with having intrusive thoughts about my coworker and now he just got in a relationship with my coworker and my intrusive thoughts are WORSE I thought they would be better? And initially they were because I was relieved that he couldn’t be weird with me now because he has a girlfriend. But this is the thought that i cannot get over- my OCD is like you’re jealous that he doesn’t like you and he’s not with you instead and i envy this girl he is with. Why the fuck am I having these thoughts while I’m in a healthy relationship and love my boyfriend to DEATH- like I know he is my forever. I couldn’t look at him today because I’ve been obsessing over this thought I’ve had in work and now I have to find a new job I hope no one will judge me for these thoughts or maybe someone has had this weird thought before? :(

Relationship OCD

misereri

Date posted: 6w ago

Someone to talk to?please?

Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those sexual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself all over again. Like I'm always like I need to test if I'd feel aroused to intimate scenarios with S, lately im trying to fight this urge to test and test but my mind is like "just do it this once so you can be sure. I can never watch anything romantic or sexual or whatever because my mind would be like "you and S" or sometimes I'm just enjoying time with my bf and im like " yes we can just have a sneaky cheating thing thats ok" and it makes me want to figure it out to find an answer a solution because idk it just does like I need to find the meaning of it if it means the truth and all. Im worried im just an awful person and these thoughts just ruin my quality of life . Today i had a crisis where i ended up doinf swlf harm, I'm so scared of finding someone that's not my boyfriend desirable or sexual appealing or whatever it is, I also have bodily reactions when I try to imagine and test my reaction to scenarios. Now i keep groing everytime and I dont know why but i have this sensation and I dont want to havebit especially when its something S related. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD? What should i do?

Tryingmybest12

Date posted: 22d ago

My ROCD Has Made my Personal Life Such a Mess

Hey everyone, First time posting here! Wanted to share my story for some support but also to hopefully make others feel less alone. In short - my ROCD has made such a mess of my personal life. I was in a great relationship until spring of last year, at which point we separated mainly due to my ROCD. I struggled heavily with OCD about 10 years ago (harm based intrusive thoughts, sexual orientation ocd, etc). It took a lot of work but I was able to mostly overcome my struggles and truthfully, hadn’t given ocd much thought since then. I thought I was cured. And then 10 years later I am in a very fulfilling relationship with a girl I really love, but at about the year mark in my relationship things really changed. She wanted to have a conversation about next steps (moving in, marriage, kids, etc) and at that point my brain just went into panic mode and the ocd took over. From that point on, I was constantly scanning for red flags, felt very reserved when it came to any sort of statement or commitment and tended to avoid anything that would indicate I was committed to a long term future. It was not that I didn’t love it was just that my ocd was doing anything to keep me from making a big commitment. It eventually got a point where we had a big conversation about breaking up or staying together and my OCD convinced me that it was safer and that I would do less harm to her if we ended things, which was incredibly devastating to me. At the time I felt like my obsessing over small red flags were normal and that I needed to protect myself. I just had no clue it was ROCD. I spent the next 8 months missing her and kicking myself for my mistakes, and I eventually got the courage to reach out and see if she’d be willing to talk again, which she was. But the problem is, at this point I still didn’t know it was ocd. So when we talked again I was still plagued by ROCD as all the same thoughts and feelings came flooding back. We tried to talk through things but once again I was unable to make any sort of commitment to the future so it went nowhere. Once again, I am feeling very sad and angry at myself for not being able to handle ROCD. I feel like I let it control me twice and has robbed me of a lot of happiness and hurt someone I care very much about. I understand it’s probably not best to just look at ourselves with anger and guilt all the time but it’s hard not to when you feel like you just caused so much harm. Anyone feel like they can relate? Or if anyone is going through something similar I am happy to chat as ROCD can really be tricky. Thanks

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R-OCD...cheating fears

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