Where did my confidence go?

I am struggling to feel like I deserve any of the confidence I used to have. I’ve done a lot of pretty cool stuff in my life, and I used to think it was impressive. I was so proud, and I would light up when others gave me compliments. Now, it feels like all a lie, and I can’t stop thinking everyone would hate me if they knew the terrible things I’ve thought or said or done. I make art, for example, and I’ve had a lot of success with it. But now, I feel like others would troll me or destroy my work, and then tell everyone that anything I touch is trash. Basically, I fear being bullied for the mistakes of my past — or even just for my thoughts. My therapist keeps telling me I’m completely normal and I’m the only one beating myself up, but my OCD says, “No, she’s wrong — you should stop pursuing your dreams and push away anyone who likes you, because they’ll all hate you eventually.” I know it’s ridiculous, but it feels so real. Anyone have advice for rebuilding confidence in the face of OCD?

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 28w

First off, I want to acknowledge how hard it is to sit with these thoughts and feelings—what you’re experiencing is so common for people with OCD, and you’re not alone. It makes perfect sense that your OCD is targeting something you care deeply about, like your art and your relationships. OCD often latches onto what’s most meaningful to us and uses those values against us. Your mind is feeding you a story right now—this fear that if people knew everything about you, they would reject you. But it’s important to recognize that this is an OCD-driven narrative, not an objective truth. Your therapist is right: you’re being much harder on yourself than anyone else would be. One of the core strategies in ERP is learning to tolerate uncertainty while resisting the urge to engage in compulsions—like mental reviewing, reassurance-seeking, or avoidance.** In your case, that might mean continuing to make and share your art even when your OCD tells you that you don’t deserve to. It also means resisting the pull to isolate yourself out of fear that others will eventually turn on you. You might start by gradually exposing yourself to these fears—posting your work or allowing yourself to be vulnerable with others—while accepting that you *can’t* control how others perceive you. This is hard, but the more you lean into these exposures without engaging in compulsions (like seeking reassurance or avoiding your passions), the more your brain will learn that these fears don’t have to control you. What small, manageable step could you take today toward facing these fears?** Whether it’s sharing a piece of your art, staying connected with someone you care about, or simply noticing these thoughts without responding to them, every act of courage is a step toward reclaiming your confidence. You are so much more than the thoughts OCD throws your way—and you deserve to pursue your dreams, even when OCD says otherwise. You’ve already done so much by reaching out and expressing this—it’s proof of your strength. Keep going, and know that you don’t have to do this alone.

flyana

Date posted: 28w

@Stephen Krysztoforski Wow—thank you so much for this extremely thoughtful response. It really means a lot. It can be so difficult to recognize the fears as just fears, but you’re absolutely right; I really need to just keep living and *show* myself these are just fears. But man, it’s hard to get started when I feel I’m not worthy of my own dreams. I’ll take your advice of approaching it one step at a time, though. As long as I keep moving, I’ll make progress. Thank you so much!

Dinosaur ent...

Date posted: 28w

Comparison is the thief of joy, with help, you’ll be able to tell those voices to pipe down and you’ll be able to realize how lovely you are again

flyana

Date posted: 28w

@Dinosaur enthusiast Thank you — I’ll have to keep that comparison part in mind, especially. I appreciate your words! 💕

flyana

Date posted: 24w

A nice DM sent me spiraling

I used to post my art online a lot, and I was so proud of it. But the last year or so, my OCD has been making me feel like I don't deserve to post because "no one would support me if they knew how flawed of a person I am." Today, I got a message from a stranger saying they missed seeing my art and wished I would start posting again. It was soo damn nice, and I wanted to be happy about it, but my fears immediately hit me hard. Would this person still want to follow or support me if they knew everything about me? Of course, my therapist pointed out that there are sooo many people out there who post constantly and have no problem asking their supporters to help them, and surely they're also flawed people, but they don't let it hold them back. I know I'm only human... but I've seen so many people gain success, only to get knocked down, and it terrifies me. This is probably my biggest internal struggle. Sometimes, I want to give up art completely, but the little kid in me who dreamed of being an artist is saying, "Why are you giving up on us?" I feel kinda weird posting about this, but I hope you guys get where I'm coming from. If anyone has any insights or thoughts on this topic, I'd reeeeally appreciate them.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 22w

Doubts 21+

My biggest issue with things in my life are not feeling confident in things I want to do and feeling doubtful combined with anxiety. It makes me not want to do a whole lot of things outside of my comfort zone because I either feel I'm not ready for them or I don't deserve them. In the back of my mind, my brain tells me that I've done something in relation to POCD because of porn when I was a teenager and a time I tried to help a minor with OCD. Or that I've committed sexual harassment because of a time I tried to zip up a bag but didn't tuck my arm and it touched someone's behind when really I just didn't want to keep listening to my OCD about how much of a bad person I would be or bad things would happen if I didn't tuck my arm. I thought I would just very slightly brush up contact and it wouldn't matter that much but it just ended up happening in the worst way. I remember how extremely depressed this made me and I just feel like I don't deserve to go on because of these kind of thoughts, memories, and worries. These worries are what keeps me down from really living my life. Another part of this is I feel I need to just have my needs met before I can really carry on in life I also know that I can't keep waiting for things to feel right when I need to do them. Is this a sign of Just Right OCD? Needing my feelings to feel just right in order for me to do someone I really want to? I act on my feelings more than I do my rational and it definitely shows in my anxiety. This stuff holds my back on my dream goals, trying to get experience with relationships, going to school, and just overall being happier and caring a lot less about anxiety. I don't know how to get rid of them. I just try to let them pass. Sometimes that works, sometimes that doesn't. Being up at night is a trigger for this for sure.

flyana

Date posted: 22w

Imposter syndrome advice?

Anyone else really wanna pursue their dreams, but imposter syndrome and OCD thinking holds them back? For me, it’s my art. I’ve had some success with my art, and it’s been really exciting, but then I think of all the things I regret and the mistakes I made, and I’m terrified, so I recoil. I never feel like I deserve it. All those artists who’ve been praised for their art by the masses, I imagine them as being perfect. I know it’s not true, but I mean, how can you put yourself out there these days and not know you have no skeletons in the closet?? I see people making reels and they’re so confident and carefree, and I think, “I bet they’ve never made any really big mistakes, or else they’d be terrified of having themselves out there.” I’m probably projecting. Maybe they’re just as terrified deep down. Maybe that’s what drives them. Maybe that’s what makes their art so touching. All I really wanna do is impact other people with my art. Maybe there’s a selfish part of me that relies on the praise, and that’s the part I need to let go of. Whether I get praise or not, my art should just be something I’m proud of. If I can help someone with my art, that would be amazing. Like you guys. I feel like this community is my demographic, and even if the rest of the world turned away from me, the ones who’ve been in my shoes are the ones I should write for. Anyway, this is a huge issue for me and my OCD. If anyone has any words of wisdom, I would really love to hear them, because I feel pretty stuck.

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Where did my confidence go?

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