Can someone reply, felt bad for days don’t know

I can’t feel happy I can’t forget how these thoughts felt and I’m actually believing I’m bad, I imagined my intrusive thoughts about stabbing on purpose it felt like I know how it feels to do that physical action and I like how it feels and then I got this feeling like I was suddenly really happy or excited about it like I discovered why evil people get a thrill out of doing evil things and it’s sticking with me I can’t forget about it or argue with it or get rid of it normally I can find reasons to know it’s not true and forget about it but this time it felt like the feeling actually came from me as if I genuinely felt happy and thought it would be enjoyable or pleasurable/appealing to do that evil thing it doesn’t feel ego dystonic i feel abnormal like im pretending to be normal I don’t even have much anxiety I just hate my life im having this i don’t know what to do unless I can find a reason to move on and think no that wasn’t real then I can’t move on everytime I rember how it felt or that feeling of being happy it feels like oh my god like I can the saved or helped please I need a solution. If it’s true that I actually felt like that horrible thing could be enjoyable can I be helped? No I can’t that means I’m bad and now I can’t be helped and have to be in a mental home because I swear it felt like it was me who felt happy not a fake feeling and I’m jsut fighting against it because I wasn’t always evil but I swear it feels like I actually liked it and it appealed to me I don’t know how to deal with this

lifeisworthit

Date posted: 22w

it sounds like this isn’t something you would do, so it’s likely just a story your brain is playing through to release something cathartic mentally and emotionally. anger, rage, just the cathartic feeling in general. maybe just think about it as that vs the morality behind it because you wouldn’t actually do it, and then start to explore ways to let out and work through these pent up emotions of anger/rage/etc. it sounds like your subconscious is forcing you to look at it and using this startling image because it’s the only way you’ll pay attention. yeah it feels good in your head because in your head you’re releasing emotion. idk just a thought.

miss_anonymous

Date posted: 22w

I understand, especially finding that “reason” to move on, but that’s what OCD does and finding that “reason” only makes it worse. I don’t know if you’re religious or not but something that helps me is praying to god. Just talking to him and asking for guidance and peace. You’re not evil or a bad person. A “bad” person wouldn’t be feeling “bad” about what you were explaining up above. You are not alone and I’m sorry you’ve been going through this.

lu22

Date posted: 22w

@miss_anonymous The feeling didn’t feel ego dystonic and it felt like an actually feeling that came from me and it feels true 🙁🙁

miss_anonymous

Date posted: 22w

@lu22 I understand what you mean . My ocd theme is a little different than yours, but I feel like there’s times where I’ll mouth something a certain way intentionally and made me feel that “good” feeling even tho afterwards it makes me feel guilty. Idk if that makes sense

lu22

Date posted: 23w

I really need advice harm ocd

I know we’re not meant to ask for reassurance but I’m currently not in therapy and I need help, it feels scarily real and I feel like I’m not anxious or worried over the thoughts. I had stabbing thoughts about someone I care about and I started deliberately imagining them to test myself to see if I hate it or not but instead it felt like I knew how it feels to stab someone and like the feeling of doing that physical action and I swear it is the worst thing I have ever experienced as well I had moments where it felt like It was about to happen or I keep getting this really sick ‘happy’ feeling that I want to do that and I don’t know what that is but it feels incredibly real almost like I was getting a happy feeling or wanted to do that thing and jsut wasn’t giving into it and now I’m thinking I’m actually evil and it feels like I get a pleasurable feeling over the thought of doing that and would want to do it?? Because I ‘like’ the feeling of doing it or it would ‘feel’ good I swear I really don’t know what to do it feels incredibly real I feel like I can’t even say that I’m worried or scared because I feel like I’m lying and actually want it and have evil desires I’m really concerned, I have never done anything bad in my life, I feel like what if through experimenting and imagining the thoughts to test myself I have suddenly discovered I like it because it feels extremely real that I would ‘enjoy’ or like Doing that evil thing and it’s really concerning, i don’t understand I was fine a few days ago and suddenly I’m experiencing this? Is it possible to suddenly become evil i don’t want to be evil, but what if i like it and my desire to not be evil isn’t as strong as this ‘happy feeling’ i wish I can be normal I don’t want any of this please but I swear I feel like there is something wrong with me, I think this is the worst I’ve ever felt, like it feels like I want it and would enjoy it and it’s making me feel really worried but at the same time I don’t even know if I’m worried please help I need advice

lu22

Date posted: 23w

I want to talk to someone harm ocd, really 🙁

I’m out of energy my cod feels at its worst I actually feel like I’m bad and there is something wrong with me I feel numb I can’t cry or be anxious over anything and I don’t know what to do because I don’t feel normal now it feels like I’m bad. I had this stabbing thought which I after started deliberately imaging to test myself but instead it felt like I like the feeling and know how it feels to stab someone then I was getting this feeling that I liked it wanted it or would enjoy it and it felt extremely real like i wanted it because it would feel ‘good’ I cant explain it but it suddenly felt like I enjoy or want it almost like I wanted to feel the feeling of doing that bad thing because I ‘like it’ I have no energy I can’t get over that feeling because it now felt like I actually wanted it I don’t know what is going on I’m worrying now I will actually want that to know how it is or as if I’ve discovered what evil people like or why they enjoy it and now I’m so lost and confused and I feel numb I don’t even know if I want or don’t want it and people always say with ocd they feel like they want it but they know deep down it’s against their morals or they would never do that but it literally feels like I don’t know now and it felt like a real feeling that I thought there was something good or enjoyable about doing that thing and I’m concerned I’ve had ocd for 2/3 years now and I’ve gone through crying and being upset and all the different emotions of having it and now I’m experiencing this and worried if I’ve changed and what if I’m actually evil now or have come to like evil things from imagining it and I want to talk to someone I don’t know what to do the other day it felt really real that it was about to happen and that I wanted to and I was getting this sick feeling that I was happy or liked it. Please I need advice I can’t get over this and move on because it feels like it wasn’t ocd and that feeling still happens and how can I ignore it and even if I try to ignore it I can’t because it felt real that I liked it and now it feels like there’s no going back if it felt like I actually liked it 🙁🙁

lu22

Date posted: 23w

No therapy, harm ocd need advice Asap please

I keep getting these horrible feelings come back that make me feel down or like my life isn’t the same. It feels almost like someone is holding you over the edge of a cliff and sometimes they pull you back and you feel safe and the next minute they dangle you back over and you feel like there is a big problem again. I feel like I can’t forget how it felt it made me feel like I’m actually evil and I wanted it and enjoyed it and I can’t be normal now. I feel like I don’t even know what I want. I try to forget and be normal but when I do it feels like how do I know I don’t actually want to be evil because it felt like that? And now it feels like what if that’s my true nature and I’m denying it and that makes me feel like well if I’m debating about whether I am or not maybe I actually do want it? I try to live normally but I can’t because I have ‘this’ problem. The thoughts were about stabbing and it felt like it was actually about to happen and I got this weird feeling that felt like I was suddenly really happy about it and discovered why evil people enjoy doing evil things and now I can’t get over that feeling emotion?? Because now I’m thinking how can I forget it felt like that?? And that feeling must still be there I’m jsut not looking for it like maybe if I sat there imagining those thoughts again maybe that feeling would come back ?? I don’t know what to do or who I am I don’t even know if I’m sad or if I’m worried or if I’m good or if I wanted that bad thing but that feeling has really affected me like I don’t know if I want to he evil or not and now I’m worried maybe I was impressed by that feeling what if I want that feeling again because it feels good what if because I felt like I was happy or enjoyed it now I want that again I’m so confused ?? What if evil people enjoy it and I’ve realised why they enjoy it and now I want that feeling again? I don’t know what to do

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Can someone reply, felt bad for days don’t know

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