My biggest fear is that I will stop doing compulsions, but my mind will continue obsessing. My core fear is basically being trapped in the OCD cycle forever. What can I do about this? I don’t see how I can possibly stop fearing this.
So your afraid of being afraid? You would have to deal with the fear of fear.
@Anonymous Yes, as stupid as it sounds, that is my OCD in a nutshell.
@Anonymous Serious question. With this being my fear and my theme, do you think getting on this forum is not good for me?
@Crook - That's not stupid. That's extremely common. You'll have to respond like you do to other thoughts, "Maybe I will feel like this forever, maybe I won't." The reality is, you may never feel better. That is unlikely I believe. Usually you habituate and feel much better, but that's not the goal of treatment, because it can't be promised. You're going to have to get to the point where you can say, "I may feel this bad my whole life, and I can still move forward with my dreams, values, etc." This has been something hard for me to swallow, but with practice, I am slowly getting better at living my life while also have horrible anxiety symptoms. For example, I continue to take care of the things around me that have to get done even though I want to vomit from the anxiety and I'm shaking. It is becoming easier. I told my husband the other day that my body feels close to a panic attack, but my mind feels calmer that usual. It's a strange experience. As far as the app, I would stop using it if you are using it to find relief. I eliminate anything I do to lesson anxiety. If I seek something to feel better, I get rid of it. I have had to stop using this app for this reason, and sometimes I stop using it because it brings me down. I have enough depressing things on the mind, I don't need more.
@Anonymous I use this app to hopefully read recovery stories that are just as bad as me or worse so that I will have hope that I can recover. I also use it to ask questions that I can’t find answers to online about OCD. That sounds like a compulsion doesn’t it?
So your core fear is “I’ll never get better.” ? My therapist often says, “ok, ocd. Maybe, maybe not.” And embrace the uncertainty. The ERP would be to not do your compulsions and see what happens. And if you continue to obsess mentally, so what? And I don’t mean that flippantly. I mean challenge ocd. So what, if you mentally obsess? That implies there’s something wrong with you and something to be fixed - which is what ocd wants you to think. But what if there’s nothing wrong with you? What if you’re just really detailed and analytical? What if you see the world and the little things others pass over or don’t even notice? What if you stopped trying to fix what’s not broken?
@Ary93 Thank you for that. I do have a question. With this being my theme, do you think coming on here is a compulsion, because I am surrounding myself with OCD. I think it is, but I also don’t want to avoid.
The thing I’ve learned in therapy is I had to start thinking for myself. Reassurance seeking was a top compulsion of mine, and before therapy, I didn’t even know it was a compulsion! But now that I do, I have begun to make decisions for myself, and trust myself. I had one therapist, before I knew I had OCD, tell me, “you seek everyone else’s advice or opinion so you avoid making decisions. Because, if things go wrong, it’s not your fault.” She was spot on. So we worked on me thinking for myself, making my own decisions, and taking ownership for those decisions. Because if I don’t own my failures, I can’t own my successes either.
My OCD has been terrible the for the past two weeks. I have a fear that I will never be able to get out of the thought loop. I am hyper aware of my thoughts and it disturbs me. I haven’t been able to eat for 10 days. I force myself. I haven’t been able to sleep for more than a couple hours. Then I wake up and ruminate for a couple hours, until I’m exhausted. I’m also afraid I’ll never sleep well again. And I’m afraid I’ll never eat and enjoy my food again. I’m afraid I’ll never be able to stop thinking about this enough to enjoy my family ever again.
I’ve tried living in the uncertainty today & kept myself busy but I can’t shake this feeling that I’m about to lose control & act on my thoughts. I keep feeling like I need to check in to see how I feel & keep my self safe & when I’m near my trigger it feels like I’m being pulled into doing it & feels like I want to but I’m not using compulsions. My thoughts feel like my own & feeling like I’ll be like this forever. Can someone relate or give advice 😩
I’m so scared I’ll be stuck in this forever soo soo scared
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