Relationships and OCD

I am so sorry to hear about your struggles. It can be so difficult to sit with the urge to confess when your OCD makes you feel like you've done something wrong. Have you ever tried resisting this urge?

@Deborah Ward All the time, it’s mental gymnastics of a conversation I have in my head: “you’re a terrible person, I’m not a terrible person, you’re a better person now.” “You’re a terrible person, but I’ll be a better person going forward.” “Only a terrible person would think those thoughts of harm.” I have resisted the urge as of late, but early in my diagnosis, especially when I had a terrible harm-related OCD experience. Every single thought I had at that period was harm-related and avoiding the thoughts or figuring out why I was having those thoughts or if I would ever act on them. The anxiety from the thoughts was so much that I couldn’t not confess every little thing.

@alan87 - That is a great way to describe it, mental gymnastics. And I imagine that really took a ton of your energy too. I hear a lot of my members with similar thoughts going on inside their heads. It's a big reason why we talk about self-reassurance as a compulsion, and it never really making the OCD go away, especially when OCD is just going to keep the argument going no matter what you say back to it. How do you feel like you resisting your compulsions have helped your OCD?

@Deborah Ward I feel that sometimes when I resist, I have an urge to go back and complete it anyways or make it up somewhere along in the day. Also, I’ve never really put two and two together that self-reassurance was a compulsion. So me telling myself I am okay or that I am a good person now is a compulsion?

@alan87 - Yes, self-reassurance is one of the most common (and sneaky) compulsions that I see in treatment. Here is an article with some info on mental compulsions and how they feed into OCD: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/mental-compulsions-the-unseen-battle It is hard because we always want to talk nicely to ourself and be positive; however, with reassurance, no amount will ever truly be enough to make the OCD "go away". That's how we fall into the compulsive side of things where you are having to seek reassurance more and more often (either from yourself or others).

@ljlutes I’m so sorry to hear that. I imagine it makes it difficult to enjoy your time with them if your mind is filled with all these thoughts. How do you respond when these fears start coming up for you?

@Deborah Ward it does suck! and it makes me feel so guilty because he’s such an awesome guy. Recently i’ve tried to not acknowledge the thought for a little bit until it goes away instead of sitting and overthinking it.

@ljlutes - That's a big step in managing these thoughts! I have an article here as well that I think could be really helpful for you: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/five-things-to-do-instead-of-compulsions

That's a big one that I see pretty commonly in sessions with members! It is so hard when OCD takes over and makes those alarm bells go off. How do you feel like you're coping with these thoughts?

Oh wow, that sounds extremely difficult. I am sure that others here in the community can relate at times. When OCD thoughts/fears have a heavy hold on us, it can be very common to start feeling depressed as well. Have you thought about seeking out any treatment, or are you in treatment currently?

@Deborah Ward I think I’m just in the wrong relationship

@521mullax - That could be true!

@521mullax What makes you say that?

Oh wow, I am so sorry to hear about your struggles. I know how difficult it can be to resist when your OCD makes you feel like you have to confess something to someone. That is a very heavy issue to be having in your relationship. Have you ever tried to resist that urge to confess to him?

That is a huge part of OCD. Every relationship is going to have natural high points and some lower spots, but OCD will definitely feed off that energy to make it feel like there's something wrong in your relationship. What type of compulsions do you notice yourself doing when these fears start for you?

@Deborah Ward Thank you Deborah for your support! That’s what it feels like. Definitely rumination

@Anonymous - Rumination can be a tricky compulsions to combat. Do you feel like your brain just kicks into rumination and by the time you realize it, it feels difficult to stop?

@Deborah Ward Yes I would say so

@Anonymous I’ve got an article here that I think might be helpful for you: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/5-strategies-for-breaking-the-cycle-of-rumination Breaking the cycle of rumination can be very tricky, but I want to assure you that there is hope!

@Deborah Ward Thank you so much!!

@Anonymous You’re welcome! Please feel free to let me know if you have any questions.

@forre-tress It sounds like your OCD has latched onto someone that you really care about. That is so hard, and I know other members of the community have had similar struggles. What kinds of things do you do when these thoughts come up?

@NOCD Therapist - Deborah W. its hard to do anything, theyre terrifying to me. uncertainty isnt something i can deal with easily when some of the thoughts are trauma-fueled and involve me being hurt. its a massive struggle :(

@forre-tress OCD hates uncertainty! That’s why it brings up so much distress for people. OCD and trauma can also be very closely linked, so it makes sense that some of your fears are fueled by your past trauma. I am sorry to hear about your struggles. Have you ever engaged in any kind of treatment for this?

@NOCD Therapist - Deborah W. not yet but im hoping to soon. i know im strong and can get through this :) as hard as it is

@forre-tress You absolutely can! I hope you do see some of the success stories from others on this community, but I also have a video here of some others who have engaged in treatment: https://youtu.be/9CQ5YEs5Eks?si=HEJTKR02mVj3BsWp The only way out is through sometimes, and taking that first step can be the hardest one. Please let me know if I can help you out with anything 🙂

@Anonymous Yes! OCD loves that one because there’s never a way to be 100% sure. No amount of reassurance is going to get rid of all the “what if” questions there. How do you feel like you’re coping with these thoughts?

That is a huge one. OCD really latches onto the people we care about, which I am sure makes those thoughts even scarier when they come up. How do you cope with these thoughts?

It definitely sounds like this anxiety is taking over for you! That need to have 100% certainty about things is a big driver of OCD and anxious thoughts. Have you learned about compulsions/safety behaviors at all before?

Well, I can't say for certain what is going on in your relationship, but I can say as an OCD therapist, I have had a lot of clients with similar thoughts/feelings in their relationships. Including the lack of "butterflies"! This is a common OCD fear because rather than being able to just enjoy their relationship or the time they spend with their partner, their mind ends up being filled with ways they are "testing" their relationship. This can be done by seeing if your boyfriend does or knows the things you like without telling him to do it, or analyzing your body to see if it reacts in a ways that shows you love your boyfriend (ex. butterflies when you first see him). Have you ever received any kind of treatment for this or thought about talking to a professional about some of these thoughts?

That sounds like a lot of anxiety coming up for you! I imagine it makes it extremely difficulty to socialize with others if you are fearful that they don't like you. When did you notice this issue starting for you?

@Deborah Ward Within the past few years. It’s like I take in a lot of peoples stuff too. Thinking I’m like them. I was also diagnosed with schizophrenia affective disorder. It’s very hard to deal with it and anxiety

That is a very tricky situation you have going on. Religion is such a big part of people's lives and their family, so I see how being members of different religions can be really complicated. Have you consulted with anyone close to you about this situation?